Why do some guys never give closure no matter how much a girl tries?

[Anonymous]

Why do some guys never give closure no matter how much a girl tries?

[es20490446e]

Cause they want to leave the door open, just in case they change their mind.

[Asker]

I agree with this

[es20490446e]

But generally that's painful for the dumpee, and not worth it.

So these days I will always forget about that one.

[Asker]

Yeah, it's not worth it

[Wise4myage]

Anyone who does that is very spiteful in my opinion.

[Asker]

I agree

[Wise4myage]

Thanks.

[coachTanthony]

Most people who seek closure are really seeking just one more chance to make it right wrapped in the disguise of wanting closure. This is why many don't bother.

[Asker]

So they admit that they don't want to get together and they're a bad person who wants to date someone else so that they can date a better girl and not even respectfully let the girl that needs a closure know about it so that they can play with her later whenever their new girl leaves him?

[Asker]

Giving a closure actually lets a girl move on and to stop focusing on him but he doesn't give a closure because he don't want her to move on but doesn't stay with her either and he thinks to keep her on hold with hopes that he can turn the tables in future whenever his other dates doesn't work. Isn't this a low level thinking of such guys?

[coachTanthony]

Can’t tell you how many guys I know meet up with their ex for supposed “closure” and all it was is her begging the guy for one more chance. Happens on the guys end too. All he wants to do is convince her to give him another chance he doesn’t really want closure. Closure is something we give ourselves nobody can give it to you because they could just lie as to not hurt your feelings. I never recommend seeking closure from another human being ever.

[Asker]

Closure lets a person know what didn't work out in a relationship so they can learn from it

[Asker]

This is essential for a guy or a girl. After giving a closure one can walk out if they're not convinced by the other. But they shouldn't ever put another human in a situation that they are unable to know the fault which makes the lessons of a relationship never learnt and they can never improve their next relations if they don't get to know what didn't work out. This is a respectful act. At least there needs to be one closure. One can't drop another human being with no explanation and sudden disappearing out of their life shows how much they don't have humanity towards the other

[coachTanthony]

Imagine wanting closure from someone who lacks the communication skills and bravery to give it to you in the first place. Imagine being with that person long term and a serious situation comes up and they don't have the courage to stand by you when it occurs. The one thing you can learn from this is that this is the behavior you don't want in a long term partner. Self worth has to prevail. So if you want to improve your self worth stop giving others the calculator.

[Asker]

Yeah

[AmandaYVR]

They loathe the awkwardness of the situation and having to talk to an angry girl about her feelings. It's like the last thing on earth they want to do.

It's childish and shows a lack of respect to just cut and run and not at least try to tie things up and end them somewhat reasonably. But other than giving the girl some potentially slightly better sense of what happened, they really see no point in it. It'll just be a slog and they want out, don't think they owe her anything more.

[Asker]

They actually owe a closure at least even if they want to go out

[AmandaYVR]

I agree with you.

The reason I am with my husband to this day is because my ex (his friend at the time) just ended things abruptly with me, and kept lying to get out of taking my calls and discussing what happened, what he was thinking. He showed me no respect in the way he ended things. And I suspected he was lying. So I honestly don't care I happened to fall in love with his friend.

[Anonymous]

I have dome with a few girls and can give you an explanation...

In the past, I was bought up in a pretty strict religious background so didn't have much clue about dating and girls and couldn't date even if I wanted to.

I have a lot of past abuse, childhood trauma, and sexual abuse that others can't see as I am funny and kinder outside.

Betrayed and used by the girls in the past

Some girls behave very clingily, Some of them confessed love after a few days of talking and that scares me.

Involved in a really hard and time-consuming academic field which leaves less time for dating.

Now all of the guys are super horny that will fuck around everyone, some of us get attention from various women but we have standards and we know we bring a lot to the table. Plus girls take rejections badly. Just like many guys, they can't get the hint that you don't like them. I am a very kind type of person and rejecting someone is very hard for me, I feel terrible saying no. Right now 46-year-old woman who is like a friend pushing me to meet and become friends with benefits. I am having trouble, she was a good academic friend that I don't wanna lose.

[melanieeeB]

No closure is mostly closure enough. And cause they don't care enough to be talking it out. You should do the same and just move on, he had his chance, he didn't use it, he didn't care and so you move on

[Anonymous]

Because they don't understand their limits. The problem is that because guys are so much focused on solving problems when they talk to each other or to women could lead to guys running down a rabbit hole of trying to figure out something no one asked them to.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry misunderstood the question. I'd rather say that they can't let go because they developed some picture in their mind they can't let go

[abc3643]

Closure in what way? Who broke up with whom?

This is important.

Once I know this, I can give a clear answer related to male instincts that will explain many things in male behavior.

[Asker]

Didn't breakup directly. Suddenly disappeared out of a girl's life after being with her, did all relationship things, given her hope of marriage

[abc3643]

So, if you had gotten closure from him, what would he have done?

[Asker]

To know if I need to move on or wait for him

[abc3643]

Do you know what a "Dead Man's Switch" is?

A dead man's switch is on trains; the driver of a train needs to hold onto a handle switch to drive the train. If he suddenly dies, he will let go of the switch and that causes the train to come to a stop so it doesn't continue without a driver and kill everybody.

I mention this because the dead man's switch is a metaphor for doing something when nothing else is happening.

This guy isn't doing anything, so it is like he's a dead train driver. So, your "relationship" needs to come to an end; he won't be revived. You need to move on.

[Asker]

great example

[Asker]

Just wanna know why he actually does this way?

[abc3643]

Well, that's a good question and it is one of two reasons - possibly both.
1. Males at a subconscious instinctive level do not like to destroy options or throwaway potentially useful things. It is abhorrent to us because we are evolved to be problem solvers or threat annihilators. It's why we live in a modern complex world and not in fear of lions and tigers and bears eating us.

This "hoarding", so to speak, involves females too. Just because he doesn't see a future now doesn't mean his subconscious doesn't think that there MIGHT be a future with you at some point... who knows when? Perhaps never. But, there's always a possibility he might need or want you for whatever reason. Put another way, it's "not burning bridges".

But, don't pin your hopes on that.

2. Males hate creating drama - especially in females. They have an instinctive drive not to upset females. So, even if he doesn't want you, he doesn't want to upset you... But, at the same time, he doesn't want to give you hope and, more importantly from his perspective, not feel guilty about making you upset. It's like if he doesn't experience your upset then he doesn't know you are and therefore doesn't know to feel guilty, maybe just a whiff of guilt. So, in a way, it's a lack of courage - but this is rooted in instinct.

[Asker]

A girl shouldn't wait for a guy who's unsure about her and lacks the maturity to explain her his thoughts even if he wants to upset her communicating and letting her know about the end is respect. If he doesn't have that respect on her he doesn't deserve to be loved by her ever

[abc3643]

Exactly. That's why moving on is what you should do.

Try to think of it like this.
He would have given you formal verbal closure but he got hit by a bus and died and thus was unable too. But he's dead anyway, so that's closure anyway.

[Asker]

Never. I don't ever think such evil about anyone

[Asker]

He should be fine even though if he left me

[SnowedIn]

This happens regardless of gender -- girls do it too.

Part of the answer is that closure is different for everyone and just because one partner needs it doesn't mean the other does or one partner thinks they've provided it already.

[nitsuj86]

Because it's easier to just but ties, and move on. Not give her any hope. In my experience if you do that, they will keep contacting you, and won't accept it and move on.

It's not his job to give you closure.

[Still-alive]

closure really isn't that important. and be honest with yourself do you really want closure or another chance with your ex? i think @coachTanthony is spot on.

just focus on yourself and move on.

[Asker]

Closure is necessary for anyone while ending the relationship. Imagine a girl loving you, doing all relationship stuff with you and suddenly disappears out of your life without giving you any closure nor ending the relationship properly. Is this the situation you want to be in? I guess no one wants to be in. Lacking basic humanity isn't great. If someone wants to do this to the person they're with, they don't deserve any love from the opposite person

[Still-alive]

yes it sucks. but clearly he doesn't care. you don't wanna be that girl that stalks and harasses him either so heed my warning. move on and focus on you.

[Asker]

Is seeking for a closure harassment? Then a guy loving a girl and making a girl fall in love with him at starting is also a harassment

[Still-alive]

if you are blowing up his phone or dm's attempting to get his attention when he clearly just wants to be left alone then yes it is harassment.

I know for a fact you would hate it if a guy you were no longer into did this to you. don't even pretend like you'd be ok with that. so just leave him be and focus on you. i get it. its hard. but you must let him have the break up. let him feel the consequences of breaking up without you there. and eventually you'll see how you don't need to talk to him again to move on. you'll just move on. you'll go days without ever thinking about him. it will happen i promise.

[Asker]

If a guy stalks, loves a girl at starting isn't it a harassment? A girl seeking a simple yes or no is a harassment? How can a guy be justified with his actions when he constantly stalked her while he loved her but when she seeks a right end to his bullshit then is it a harassment?

[Still-alive]

"A girl seeking a simple yes or no is a harassment?"

if she bothers him when he clearly doesn't want to be bothered. YES it is harassment. stop trying to legitimize it.

you know what go ahead and blow up his messages. then when he blocks you and you come back here crying about it we will say 'i told you so.' i guess you need to learn this lesson the hard way.

[Asker]

Fine a girl can stop seeking a closure and move on without bothering him successfully but she'll never ever look at him the same and he'll lose her completely after she does that. But a simple question, isn't it a harassment when a guy firstly forces a girl to love him and stalks her to make her be in love with him?

[Still-alive]

Yeah if thats what will happen than so be it. Its pretty clear he wants nothing to do with you at this time. He might later on but you can't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. It might never happen l. So just focus on you and move on. If you must go ahead and wrote the closure message but dont send it to him. Sometimes its easier to move on simply by writing it all out.

What do you mean by ‘forces’ there's ‘pursuing’ which isn't force its just letting the other person know they are interested. And in that case if they show interest but the girl isn’t interested back and makes it clear to him and he keeps trying then yeah that’s harassment too. Both parties must show willingness to receive each others company in order for it not to be harassing.

[Asker]

Exactly. When he keeps forcing her to accept his love regardless even if she's not interested, then it's a harassment too. Many guys are that way. They finally win the girl, use her and leave her without a closure when they get bored with her. This is never acceptable and they don't deserve her love. She can move on with a guy who cares about her but the guy you dropped her without an explanation without a closure will be a loser later

[Still-alive]

there's a whole lot of weirdness in that paragraph there…

First if all most guys aren’t ‘forcing’ women to lile them. The girl either likes him or she doesn’t. there's no forcing going on. He might keep attempting to persuade her but again if she's made it clear she wants nothing to do with him and he keeps at it that is harassment.

there's usually no ‘winning the girl’ either. She either likes him or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t there’s nothing to ‘win’ there.

Anyways just move on already. You’re better off not trying to talk to him again trust me.

I guarantee you if you try when he doesn’t want to that he's either gonna ignore you or block you. I feel like you really will hate both those actions so spare yourself the trouble and move on now.

[Anonymous]

i never got it either after all the hell she put me through i couldn't even get that much from her and possibly never will

[Asker]

I will definitely blame her for ruining your mental health by not giving you closure. These kind of guys or girls never deserve a love from guys or girls like you

[Opinion Owner]

5 1/4 years it ended with her sister and me having a blowout. things were bad enough with her constant cheating but recently she got worse with her satanic worshipping, her constant drug relapses including again which she and her family and friends won't admit to, her family and friends constantly covering up her cheating and denying covering things up or knowing anything about us, her never taking responsibility for actions, her never saying thank you or showing the slightest bit of gratitude or appreciation for anything i've done for her, her never calling or texting or dm me having to be the one to continuously reach out and her with her indirect messaging bullshit, her saying she loves every guy she dates and lives with different guys she dates after only knowing them a few weeks to a few months but not once saying she loves me after 5 years of bending over backwards for her, her never wishing me a happy birthday

[Asker]

She doesn't deserve your love. Let her suffer with her choices

[Opinion Owner]

she's with some ugly skinny guy with horse teeth that buck out and the jackass also has gold fillings for teeth and smokes and covered in tattoos and her sick psychotic mom approves of it. he used to do drugs and alcohol and possibly still does and of course mommy dearest thinks highly of it

[Asker]

Funny. Don't care about her however

[FilmGuy93]

Emotionally immature people are emotionally immature.

[spartan55]

Because whatever we say is inevitably not what you want to hear so it's easier to not bother.

[Dargil]

Why do some girls never give closure no matter how much a guy has moved on to a better girl?

[Asker]

If he moves on to another girl, no closure is required for him. If he didn't move on because he didn't get a closure from a girl, she owes him a closure

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why some girls never give closure no matter how much a guy try.

[Asker]

Because they are emotionless girls who doesn't understand a guy's situation who keeps him as a backup to a false hope which might or might not happen instead of letting him move on to another girl

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then you answered your own question

[Anonymous]

You aren't entitled to it.

If he vhooses to give it, that's his decision.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

There's a point where people should accept it and move on. This is one of them.

[Anonymous]

It's a powerplay

[Asker]

But this kind of relationship is not worth it

[Anonymous]

You GOT closure by his lack of communication. Deal with it, move on, and quit your emotional whining.

[Pohjolan]

Does she really? If she remains ambiguous then the guy may just as well.

[lightbulb27]

they aren't clear themselves

[HappyWoman34]

They’re arseholes.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Same reason girls don't

[Strong_Warrior]

We dont have to accept your love. Stop pushing men. This is a toxic femininity behaviour.

[Asker]

Is giving a closure known as accepting love? Closure means to give an explanation and end it in right way

[mathew1543]

They are not interested in you

[Asker]

What does interest have to do with closure? Can't one seem to end it properly instead of ghosting?

[Jltakk]

Sorry but what does closure mean in this context?

[Asker]

To give an explanation before one ends it

[kareka]

I do

[Asker]

Great

[In_Trance]

Closure is overrated