Am I being dramatic over this?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has a close family friend visiting soon and usually I don’t care about him having friends of the opposite gender but this is a little different.
Let me explain why…
I had to take a break from our relationship for a little while because of mental health issues (too complex to explain) and during that time I told him that he could do whatever he wanted because after all - I put our relationship on pause so I had no right to control what he did during this break. I did make it very clear that if he wanted to, I wanted to get back together at some point. We had many conversations during this time and one rule we made was “anyone that we decide to pursue on this break, we should stop talking to once we get back together” SO OBVIOUSLY WE SHOULD AVOID DOING ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH PEOPLE WE ARE FRIENDS WITH. Anyway, he told me that he considered buying a girl that he knows onlyfans which I thought was weird but I let it go.
Turns out that the girl he considered buying from is the close family friend visiting him. We have been back together for a few months now and I have found out he lied about exchanging photos with another one of him friends (WHO WAS ALSO ONE OF MY FRIENDS) which is why I’m so anxious about this girl coming to visit. He tried to reassure me by saying “she’s like a sister to me” but you don’t consider buying someones onlyfans if you think of them as a sister. To me it sounds like an awful excuse to make me shut up about it. AM I OVERREACTING ABOUT THIS OR IS ME FEELING UNBELIEVABLY ANXIOUS VALID?

(also I want to add that he claimed to have told me about her multiple times but I know thats not true because I would’ve been upset over the fact he was considering her onlyfans when I found out about that)

[Guy13]

It sounds like to me that you decide to go on break mostly due your health and possibility that this relationship may have been contributing to medical. It also seems that there were clear intentions established that constitutes a verbal contract with a joint knowledge and contribution to said contract. It also seems you discovered information that violated your first contract of dating exclusively and/or second verbal contract.

You discovered a pattern of behavior unknown or half truths with both friends and colleague It seems in his free time, despite verbal contract agreement, that he is going to try it out one more time with this girl to see if anything there. "Before full commitment",

Only you can decide if the absolutely known and the possibility are more than you can handle. Good luck with medical, him, and relationship.

[SnowedIn]

Yes, I think you're being overly dramatic about this whole thing. It sounds like you were on a break.

I understand your frustration and the anxiety but, yes, overly dramatic. I think you need to let it go -- particularly since she's an old family friend.

Here's what I'd focus on: he chose you. Let that be enough.

[Asker]

Him choosing me over anyone is more than enough and I’m not discrediting that at all. I know he cares about me and loves me etc but at the same time, I don’t understand why he would make the rule that I spoke about if he was just going to break it, not just this girl but another one as well

[SnowedIn]

Clearly it bothers you. So, you have a choice: either talk to him and try to understand why (I guarantee you that it will be an ugly, emotional conversation and you will NOT get the closure or understanding you want from it) or let it go and move on. Because you won't understand why -- his reasons won't ever make sense to you because you're not him.

If you like this guy, I strongly recommend letting it go. If you don't, you risk driving him away.

[Asker]

Emotional conversations are not something either of us hide from in our relationship because we both believe communication is the most important thing. He’s never once made me feel like I’m overreacting to anything, it’s the same both ways. Driving him away with my reaction to this is the least of my worries because I know that won’t happen, our relationship is far
too important to both of us for this to cause that much of an issue. I just wanted to see how other people would deal with this 🤍

[boobliker]

you can't do anything so don't stop or try to stop him as if you do sex would happen because of you trying to stop him,.

[Iron_Man]

Work it out

[In_Trance]

Yeah