I don't know how to end things with him?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy my age (highschool) for something less than a month. We have gone out four times and he was also my fist kiss. I wasn't sure i liked him at first but after the second date i thought i did... come to find out i actually don't feel attracted to him. I feel bad because i feel like i've led him on, even though i thought i liked him when going out with him. We've also discussed about my strict parents and about me telling them about him, but as i said, i no longer feel a romantic connection to him. I keep thinking about it and i think that he aslo impacts my academic performance, which i want to maintain at a high level. I told him i need space to think about things and he seemed concerned. Any advice on how to move from here on, will be greatelly appreciated♡

[SteveSmith1985]

I can give you good advice here. On this particular question.

There is only one way to handle this situation. You need to hadle it directly. As much as you don't want to. That is what you have to do.

That is the only right thing to do.

You have not led this guy on. This is just how relationships go that don't work-out... one person has to tell the other person, that things have changed, and they no longer want to continue in the relationship.

That's not an easy conversation. And it's not a fun conversation. But it's a part of dating that you have to be willing to accept... if you're going to date.

But while you haven't done anything wrong yet, you risk being in the wrong, if you don't do what's right here--break up with him.

Right now, this guy thinks his girlfriend needs space. He's concerned wondering if it's somethig related to your relationship. But equally... he's thinking maybe it's something else. But as far as he knows your feelings haven't changed. (because only you know that right now). So he is going along... assuming that you do like him still... when you don't like him that way any longer. It's not fair to allow him to continue under that false belief.

Even more than that... people WANT to be told when the other person's feelings have changed. It's inherently painful to hear... but nobody wants to be "duped" into thinking they're in a relationship... only to find out that the other person hasn't liked them for the past 2 weeks (or worse, 2 months). But THAT is the sort of thing that genuinely hurts people. That's the kind of thing that can lead someone to "hold something against you" for the way you handeled things.

People appreciate being delt with in an honest and straightforward way on these matters. Again, it's not like I'm saying he'll be happy to hear this from you. He won't be. But I guarantee you that he wants to know you feel this way, if that's how you do indeed feel.

So there is one of two choices.

1. You break up with him. In a clear way. You make it clear that you are ending the romantic bond between the two of you. (you can say it however you want. "I liked it better when we were friends" or whatever you want. As long as you're 100% clear that you're dumping him. Truth is usually better than lies here, just don't be unnecessarily hurtful or unnecessarily blunt.

or

2. You continue to be afraid to break up with a guy you no longer have romantic feelings for. This is actually "wrong." Like it's a shitty thing to do to someone. If you are worried about his feelings, and worried about doing what's right-by-him, then you cannot do this. This is a selfish and cruel thing to do to someone. This is the option only the bad guy in the movie would take. This is an option that cannot be justified. It's not ok.

So I am afraid, there truly is only one course of action here. You need to do this clearly and directly. The plus side is... it's quick. Once you do it... it's over in like 5 minutes (think about how long you've been agonizing over this already. Done in 5 minutes). Once you do it, it's done, and you never have to do it again.

But all the guilt goes away. Even if the other person is really hurt and upset... that gnawing guilt goes away. Because you know you've done the right thing. There is no longer any reason to feel guilty. It's fine that your feelings changed. You already know that. That doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a liar or mean you 'led him on'.

Once you tell the other person you don't want to be with them any longer. Even if they're very upset by that... you've done all anyone can possibly do (so far as "doing the right thing" goes)... you've been HONEST about the fact that you no longer feel romantic feelings like you once did. What else could anyone possibly do?

So... you need to find that courageous part of yourself, and start thinking about what you're going to say, and when you're going to do it. But you've got a duty to be honest here. Like most times when you need courage... this is not optional. You've got no choice. You have to do this. (or you're a shitty person).

Good luck. 🙂

[WaterIsland]

First of all. Good for you for not wanting to lead him on. Not all women can say that or recognize that. You clearly have good intentions and a good heart.



For me. If I was the guy in this situation, I’d want you to just be brutally honest. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude or mean. Don’t say anything rude about him. That isn’t necessary. But just be honest.


You were honest in this question. You explained your mindset and how you’re feeling. Just say those same things to him.


And give him the respect of doing it in person. Or if that isn’t possible, at minimum over the phone. Tho in person is far better. Don’t do it over text or anything like that.


Finally. For me personally. It’s EXTREMELY hard to be friends with an ex. Because he likely still has romantic feelings for you. So be sure to be clear about that and set boundaries and expectations. Sometimes it truly can be healthier to move on and not be friends. Of course in school that’s more difficult. But just something to consider. Everyone is different here tho, and you might find that being friends is possible.


Last thing. Use this experience and learn from it. You’ll be more successful in the future if you can identify why you don’t have feelings for him anymore, and use that to better identify potential partners in the future. Always stay true to yourself and what you’re looking for.


Wishing you the best of luck!

[Nikki1989]

You just tell him, upfront, honest and direct.

[Avicenna]

People your age date and break up with other people all the time. You've already given him some reasons why you don't want to date him anymore, you just need to tell him it's over. Unambiguously.

[Guy13]

Just say you are done and move on. No drama required.

[Anonymous]

It can be difficult to end things with someone, especially if you feel like you've led them on or if you're worried about hurting their feelings. However, it's important to be honest and respectful in any relationship, and to prioritize your own needs and feelings.

One approach could be to have an open and honest conversation with him, either in person or over the phone. You could start by saying something like, "I wanted to talk to you because I've been thinking a lot about our relationship, and I don't think I have romantic feelings for you anymore. I really appreciate the time we've spent together and I don't want to hurt you, but I think it's best if we end things."

It's important to be clear and direct about your intentions, while also being kind and empathetic towards his feelings. You could also offer to answer any questions he may have, and to listen to his perspective if he wants to share it.

Remember that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and feelings, and that it's important to be honest and respectful in any relationship, even if it's difficult.

[Marked_Man]

Just be honest and firm. You're definitely not leading anybody on unless you continue to pretend. You need to be kind but firm, that you want to break up and not see him anymore.

[In_Trance]

say it to him, straight up. Be clear and to the point. No long winded drawn out speech. And no "we can still be friends". Make a clean break and move on

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Just tell him you're not interested any more.