Are guys that act too mushy on first dates red flags?

Question

Went on a date with a guy that was constantly telling me that I'm cute, and trying to figure out what my preferences were in guys, and whether he fit my list. He was also very touchy-feelly. We were in the middle of doing an activity that requires lots of concentration, which makes all these comments, questions, and touching seem extra strange. I mean, by a certain point in a guy's life, he should have realized that that makes him look simply in love with love, derranged, and after more than one woman at a time.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a "red-flag."

But it's certainly enough for you to not want a second date with the guy. What makes this inappropriate, is simply the fact that it was inappropriate IN THE SITUATION. Clearly, it was weird for YOU. Clearly it was not a good way for this guy to make a good impression on YOU. And the fact that he either didn't recognize that this was not being well-received itself tells you something about a person.

So I think there might be some girl out there who WOULD responded positively to this bullshit. Maybe it's even worked for this guy in the past. But it's not something most girls are going to respond positively to. And he should have been able to see very quickly that he shouldn't be trying this bullshit with you.

The reason I hesitate to call this a red-flag, is because it doesn't automatically mean a guy is "a bad guy" or "is interested in more than one woman" or anything inherently bad. It just means this guy was trying WAY too hard, and going about it the wrong way for the girl he was hoping to make a good impression on.

So while I'm not trying to suggest that you ought to give this guy another chance. (at all). I still wouldn't say this is automatically a "red-flag". But I would say it's something to.. pay attention to. It's meaning isn't automatic though. Could be a good guy whose misguided as hell or just has shitty social skills when it comes to women on a romantic-footing.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It is important to trust your instincts and to pay attention to red flags on first dates. While some people may be naturally more affectionate or expressive, it is possible that excessive mushiness or touchiness on a first date could be a sign of someone who is trying too hard or may not respect your boundaries.

It is important to communicate your feelings and boundaries clearly and to observe how the other person responds. If they are respectful and responsive to your needs, it may be worth giving them another chance. However, if they continue to ignore your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable, it may be best to end the date and move on.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to trust your instincts when it comes to dating and relationships. If something feels off or uncomfortable, it is important to listen to those feelings and take steps to protect yourself.

ManOnFire · Answer

This guy probably never had a girlfriend before and maybe never went on a date before he met you either. Which, is okay, because everyone has to have a first time, but it's pretty clear that no one in his life, no father or mother, ever really taught him how a man should behave with a woman on a date.

"I mean, by a certain point in a guy's life, he should have realized that that makes him look simply in love with love" - That's true, and most men are going to go through that simpy phase, but if he's a guy who's never dated or had a girlfriend before - which I think this guy probably hasn't - he is going to act like that.

coachTanthony · Answer

Sounds like you didn't like his behavior so that is what is important here not whether it's a red flag. Some women might love that doesn't mean you have too.

Pinay_ako · Answer

There’s Mr. Right and there’s Mr. Trying hard to be Mr. Right. He’s the latter.

Anonymous · Answer

I’d argue that he’s probably more inexperienced, or maybe he has admired you for some time… and he feels the pressure of trying to impress you or come off well… meanwhile all the while, you’ve maybe never spent time thinking about him the same way… or seen this type of behavior on a date, so while there is possibly a disconnect in how much you like each other mutually, at the moment, just know he’s probably already further along than you are. Maybe you’re really his type and he’s excited to have a chance and it’s hard for him to manage expectations and just keep calm. Again, there’s a lot of pressure when you really like somebody, especially for a man.

If you care about him at all, or find him decent and attractive otherwise, I’d say give him time to settle down and become comfortable around you… do what you can to convey a mutual connection, it’s tough for a guy when his feelings are growing and he’s unsure if you could ever feel the same.

Maybe it doesn’t feel as natural for you, the normal interaction… maybe it seems weird, but you could be passing up something great if a man is visibly enamored with you in such a way. It’s not the same “thrill of the chase” I'm sure, but do you want to constantly wonder if a guy cares or not, or would you care to explore something that COULD be a more stable relationship.

I’m not saying that this is exactly what’s happening, but man when a guy thinks you’re the bee’s knees, I would think it would be pretty obvious. It’s not a comfortable thing for the guy when he’s trying to “do things the right way” and has feelings, and live up to all the pressures of trying to capture the attention of a woman he admires.

Put yourself in his shoes and try to empathize, rather than assuming the worst and thinking “what’s wrong with this guy, why is he acting funny?”

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

I'm weary of overusing the term 'red flag' as it should be reserved for genuinely troubling or toxic behavior that's reasonably indicative of potential threat or menace. But it sounds like he just came on a bit too strong for your tastes, so if you're not feeling a second date is on the cards, then you should politely move on. I mean, he could've just been nervous and got over excited and did the wrong thing as a result, it can happen. But nobody's forcing you to see him again, so it's up to you. Go with your gut.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

That’s not a red flag, but it does indicate some social awkwardness and inexperience. Here’s the thing though; sometimes inexperienced people need to have stuff like that pointed out to them.

He might just not realize that what he is doing is a problem, if that makes any sense

fonduegirl · Answer

That's your red flag? Lmao, he's just being normal. Maybe he can tone down a beat. He sounds quite good to me. An expressive guy is very desirable.

HighValue · Answer

It depends. If you barely met each other it seems odd, but if he knew you for some time first and had a long time crush on you, and maybe didn't tell you that he liked you until recently, it may be more normal then. So it depends.

My advice is to not havecsex for at least a few months into a relationship in case he is disingenuous and just trying to use you. People that use others often give up quickly.

Marked_Man · Answer

How the fuck is telling you that you look cute and light touching on a date considered red flag?

Heterosketero · Answer

Good observation. That is the Nice guy that makes us good guyys look bad.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I'll admit I go a little too far trying to make girls feel special on a first date, but it doesn't mean I'm dating multiple women. I'm just a bit of a romantic. It turns most of them off

LittleSally · Answer

What does your gut tell you? You will know best, depending on your exact situation.

sheikalana · Answer

Not sure if it's a red flag but it would be a turn off to me especially the touchy-feely part. Cringe.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think you’re right, assuming the guy isn’t really being sincere

rienna888 · Answer

Yeah girl I think it’s called love bombing. I heard they do this to avoid rejection, is a player, or getting over an ex

Anonymous · Answer

Not a red flag, just your own preference. I think it's great that he is in tune with his emotions as long as he can be serious when needed

Unit1 · Answer

This is exactly why some men say that women don't like good guys and go after the bad boys.

Shy_Steve · Answer

No, You should be worried about Guys who are too Confident on a first Date, That is a major Red Flag.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Go ahead and keep curbing guys who give you the "ick". You are just another female who will end up broke and alone.

Guy13 · Answer

Yes they are to me.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I don't see any red flags here except the touching part.

Anonymous · Answer

For who? The man or the woman. Because yes, a woman that ASKS this question could be a very big red flag.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Well jamm, at least it’s a wee change from the Filfthy Casuals, not saying he isn’t one.

peedy · Answer

They are a red flag all the time Real men don't act mushy

dinojames22 · Answer

Yes. If she is that open with me... she's probably as open with other guys (and I've been cheated on before).

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You nailed it!

KathrynTaylor · Answer

Yes, it’s a warning sign..

MrCommodore · Answer

Yeah definitely, Cringe-worthy behaviour

Anonymous · Answer

To me it is, wtf that ain’t lol 😂

PatriceONeal · Answer

This doesn't make sense ma'am

Fuentes · Answer

Red flags of being simps, maybe

DermalPunch · Answer

Yes!

Are guys that act too mushy on first dates red flags?

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Are guys that act too mushy on first dates red flags?

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