Did she use me for attention?

[Anonymous]

A girl l I know was flirty and we would hang out and get touchy. A lot of signs she could be interested that I lost track but only when she was on a split from her boyfriend. Some days it felt like she wanted to hook up to be honest, but it was all when she was on a split. She would never initiate but she would always agree to hang out and we would have a great time.

I’ve heard they’ve had a cycle of a couple years of being on and off, and they would always come back together.

The other day I asked her out formally. Despite finding out that she started hanging out with her ex again that same week. She rejected me by saying she enjoyed my company etc but she wasn't interested in getting to know anybody right now and that she hoped to still be friends. Of course I won't stay as friends since I can’t do that with somebody I’m attracted to.

Was I use to fill the gap when they would break up? Was she even attracted to me? Is her saying she hopes to stay friends a way to cool down the situation?

[ManOnFire]

These kinds of women are some of the absolute worst, my friend. Yes, I think she was using you for attention, and women who have these constant up and downs/back and forths with their men in unstable relationships will do this kind of thing. Your question makes me remember being in similar situations with women like this in the past too. They did exactly the things you described, and my advice to you is to close the door on that woman and leave it closed entirely.

Be patient with me and let me break a few things down for you so you'll know how to look out in the future if you encounter another chick like this:

"She would never initiate..." - during those times when you thought you guys were about to hookup. They don't initiate because they do want a sexual situation to happen but she's hoping you will be the one to do it, and she isn't going to stop you. They also want it to happen this way as insurance, so that later on if her man finds out, she will try to say you were the one who pushed it or seduced her or whatever. It's a mind game these women play where they want you to think hooking up is all your idea when it's really her idea, she just wants you to act accordingly.

"She rejected me by saying she enjoyed my company etc but she wasn't interested in getting to know anybody right now and that she hoped to still be friends." - Do not ever believe that a woman who tells you that still wants to be friends. They almost never do, it's just a nice 'sincerely, Me' touch to them letting you down. They have no intentions of ever calling you, texting, or doing anything else. Unless things fall through with that guy and she needs sex, wants to use you to make him jealous, or wants a new relationship.

I think you've already done a pretty good job of picking up on everything, especially since you decided you're not going to be friends with her either, so from here you know what to do. But next time, my friend, if you find out that a woman has an ex, and a very recent ex, or one she keeps falling in and out of love with like that, stay. The fuck. Away. These women are extremely volatile and will pretend to be passive and act unclear about dating because she's still into her ex, but also might be into you too but she won't say it because knows she's going to try to swing between the two of you, and later on when you find out she went back to her ex and you confront her, she'll try to tell you bullshit that you got the wrong idea and she didn't like you like that.

I've talked long enough, lol. But I hope this helps.

[Asker]

Thanks for this response man. You hit it straight on target. The she won’t initiate part makes so much sense now. I would literally physically touch her to the point I’ve never touched a woman that was a “friend” to that extend. I was so confused cause she was letting me have no touch barrier with her. I’ve never been like that with a female friend cause I’ll keep my boundaries with them.

Do you think she found me attractive enough for her to let me touch her, meet up, spend time etc?

[ManOnFire]

I wanna say not necessarily. Because when I was in a similar situation years back, I was with this woman in her car one day and was feeling her up but we didn't go in my place and fuck cuz she claimed she had to go pick up her kids. We were sorta seeing each other for a little bit but she outright said one time she didn't find me attractive. When I asked her why was she with me if she felt that way, she wouldn't really answer.

Sometimes these chicks might think you’re unattractive but are willing to play the game with you as a means to an end. Maybe they just like your vibe and think they can get some easy sex with you, or want to see if you'll start being a simp and buying her shit. They will also often pretend to be into you just to make their ex jealous, but you're not aware of it. And that could very well be the case in your situation. For all you know she could’ve been acting like she was into you just to make her ex jealous.