Should I be worried about his work wife/best friend?

[Anonymous]

Okay so a little background, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, we have pretty much the perfect relationship and I am beyond happy…his female coworker/best friend is 14 years older then him and they have known each other for 7 years.
At first judging from the age gap I wasn’t very concerned, but I noticed quickly after we started dating that he talks about her A LOT. Now, I know his occupation is incredibly stressful causing him to rely on his coworkers more, but he rarely talks about any of his other peers besides her.
I’ve met her a few times and she is lovely! Always very nice to me, I really to enjoy her company. I just feel like she always comes up in conversation and he never ever says anything even mildy negative about her, he has talked bad about some of her exes, which bothered me a little bit, but he has done that for some of his other friends too. My problem here is I’m not sure if it’s my gut or my anxiety! They don’t talk too much outside of work but he does seem to update her about things over text a decent amount. I just can’t explain it, the way he talks about her makes me uneasy!

The reason I think it could be my anxiety is be because I did (in the past) have a male friend that I was very close to and developed feelings for overtime…I guess that’s why I get nervous, she’s pretty, funny, smart, they get along great! Why wouldn’t he like her?

any advise or opinions will be great! I’m eating myself alive

[scooogy]

There are multiple "women in my life" who are clearly incomparable with each other. One I used to know or at least be around for 3 years, one I used to know and work with for 2 years and ongoing, and one I met like half a dozen times now and who I have romantic feelings for.

The first one stuck in my mind because I'd compare her to my ex who openly told me she was unhappy with me, but shortly after (talking of actual years here) had come back to me, telling me how unhappy she was, hoping for me to take her back. The 3 years woman never openly showed that, but kept on hinting while I was still around (stopped last summer).

The 2 years woman is a mom in her mid fourties of a 7 years old girl who I met already. She used to hint on liking me (making the others chime in) before she quit with her kid's father, and I helped her move out of his house. She knows I'm attracted to her and do like her as a long-term friend, as we've both gone through hard times as co-workers in these 2 years.

The third woman is like a remaining mistery to me as in times of working at a hospital with COVID restrictions I've seen her without a face mask only two times so far. She's really kind to people and has that special something in her voice and her eyes which got me hooked.

Now I have to admit here that I can't imagine any characteristics of each to apply to another of them. But maybe that's just because it seemed easy for me to just let happen with each of these women.

None of these three would hypothetically have to worry about competitions with what makes them more or less special to me. But that "only one woman in a man's life" is just every woman's dream I guess.

[mobiusforniner]

I had a work wife. I thought it was all cool. My wife met and knew her too so hey, its all good, right? Oh, we started exchanging gifts and seeing each other outside of work. Good friends though! Then she gave me the keys to her place and said i can come over whenever i want. Watched tv and chilled at her place. Became her shoulder to cry on. But its all good, we are just friends... right?

Fast forward. We didn't end it as friends...

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing, do you feel like if you guys weren’t as close that you wouldn’t have developed those feelings?

[mobiusforniner]

I think the opportunity is always there. It didn't start with any mal intent. But by the time i knee it wasna problem, it was too late.

[Anonymous]

My advice? Stop being so scared. I’ve been in a relationship going on 3 years and trust me I had my moments of insecurity in the beginning and it was all a result of fear and trauma. I was afraid of losing him, the ideal relationship with the sort of man I’ve always wanted. I also had war wounds from being hurt in the past.


My friend reality checked me one day and she was like ‘babe if he’s gonna cheat there’s nothing you can do to stop him’, and it’s true. If he doesn’t intend on being faithful you have no control over that, same as if he wanted to break up at some point, even if its for no good reason. So my advice is to stop sickening yourself with anxiety, stress and fear. Live in the present and commit to trusting him when he’s not giving you a real reason to worry, and by that I mean something solid like proof. What’s done in the dark always comes to light, so if he did decide to do you wrong, you will find out without any work on your behalf.

[Asker]

Thank you, this definitely reality checked me too, I think I’m just so afraid of losing him that I always give myself something to worry about.

[Opinion Owner]

No worries! I’m also guilty of having those moments here and there but it’s just incentive to work on healing those wounds from the past. Also, I think it would be wise to keep in mind that just as much as you you feel he is the prize, so are you! If he were dumb enough to cheat, then that is a loss on his behalf, not yours. Actually that would be god’s blessing by ridding you of a cheating liar lol.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t ignore the concern or insecurity, it should be okay to safely discussed openly… I would feel insecure if my partner keep talking a lot about someone… but it could also be platonic… hopefully nothin sounds like he’s into her? But also remember you’re also a catch!

[Finchie40]

That’s how my ex wife cheated on me with a so called male co worker work husband , that I honestly wasn’t threatened by in the beginning , he was a lot older than her and he seemed like a nice guy , but as time went on he was slowly making passes at her and doing all these things for her that raised some questions of concerns and my gut instincts new something was off so I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable about it but I kept my cool but she started to be mean and distant to me and wasn’t showing affection like she use to and she started being disrespectful toward me and picking fights with me over little things , that’s when the red flags were really starting to wave so I started playing investigator without her knowing to find out she was meeting him at a hotel for sex. I caught her red handed and filed for divorce immediately, So it’s ok for you to feel the way you are feeling , my advice is do not let your boyfriend know you are onto him , cuz once a cheater knows you are on to them, they will start being more sneaky , So just pretend everything is cool and and you will have an easier time busting them if he is up to no good. If you need some help inbox me

[exitseven]

He has not done anything that you should be worried about. Unless that changes you should just be happy he has a good friend. They are hard to come by these days.

[RavVid]

If she was a romantic interest and they get on that well then I don't think you would be in the picture. Opposite sex friends of your partner can be good allies in helping a relationship flourish.

I think you should stop worrying.

[Stevefiveo]

It sounds fine. It is good sign that he is being open and talking to you about her. If he was keeping her a secret, then you'd have to worry. Maybe suggest that all of you hangout sometime.

[fantasticass]

I'm a model. My photographer is a guy. We work extremely well together. It's work. My boyfriend has met him, but doesn't feel "threatened "by him. It's your anxiety. Just chill ✌️🇨🇦

[WanderingLoveWizard]

He wouldn't talk about her at all if he was fucking her. So you don't have to worry about that

[slatyb]

He does like her. It's very unlikely she sees him as a potential romantic partner.

[David4358]

how hot is she and is your boyfriend into older women?

[Asker]

He has dated older, only 5 years never anything close to 14 years older. I do think she is pretty attractive, I don't know about hot but she is pretty

[David4358]

I know its all subjective but are you more attractive that she is?

[Asker]

I’m not sure honestly, I feel like her and I are both attractive in different ways if that makes sense.

[David4358]

Makes perfect sense but if there is not a huge difference then I would be cautious

[Jamie05rhs]

Anyone who calls another woman their "work wife" is a walking human red flag.

[Jamie05rhs]

In this particular case, though, it may be okay, due to the age gap.

I had a female friend at work once, and we got along very well, but I wasn't into her in that way, because she was older than me. She was like a big sister.

[WolfDM]

Men and women cannot be "jusr friends". Thinking that is possible is delusional and it will end badly.

[DermalPunch]

Oh God. I would be FLIPPPING out!

[TheeTrybrid]

He shouldn't be calling anyone "wife" except for u

[Blues36]

it might be a flirt, you have to be careful

[Iron_Man]

Yes…

[Asker]

Do you think men and women can be friends?