When choosing a significant other, do you go with your gut decision/feelings or do you use logic and reasoning?

[Justneedtokno]

Updates

1 y

The reason why I pose this question was because of the divorce rates and a lot of people fall out of love with people and just go
, so is it better to marry for the stability aspect or the feelings of love that you have for a person because things change over time and are you able to adapt to that persons changes or you get rid of them

[DaveJord]

You honestly, I don't think we really get to choose who your Signiant other will be, because for them to really be that significant they have to truly choose you. So that were it gets all messed up, because of the mind fcking that goes on, between who is choosing who first.

So for me the gut feeling has to be there, usually starts with the base instinct gut feeling, then grows from there. But no, as a man my gut will always say go for it. Logically you know there are red flags, so you make the most of it for as long as you can and hope for more... but at some point, you have to be honest with yourself. Your gut told you to give it a go and hope for the best, and you might have already seen the best this person can offer... so logically you start doing the math to determine if the juice is still worth the squeeze. So, for me a true SO would never force me or even make me want to consider doing that type of math.

But enviably that is where it leads, and if they are not willing to set that aside and double down, then logically you can't and never will either.

[Anonymous]

Well I'm a guy. So with guys it's more about options than anything. But after that, yes logic and reasoning. But considering the opposite gender is a woman this is tenuous at best. So at the end of the day all you have is your gut feeling. Basically at this point of my life I'm used to being single. It's just easier. When you realize how few worthwhile women there are single it's kind of behooves you to err on the side of safety. Basically at this point I'd rather reject 10 good women. Then have my life demolished by choosing g 1 bad woman.

[weysally]

what sort of question is this, I met my now husband in a cafe and we had to share a table, we talked, liked what was going on, made a date, and from there, the next time we met, we both said this is good, and fromthere we had a good life together, married 30 years and more,

[Justneedtokno]

It’s a generational thing right now

[weysally]

I still don't think you choose whom, it just comes on you one day

[Justneedtokno]

How serendipitous of you

[Anonymous]

Logic and reasoning, please dont fall madly have some common sense.

[AviatorTom]

My gut is usually right, sometimes tempered with logic.

[midnightmoon05]

Mostly gut feelings. When all the romantic feelings subsides…one has to use logic, reasoning to work out the differences. We are not make perfect in every way.
Many don’t want to do the work…so they run off.
When you meet that person, make sure he is the type who is willing to be there for you through good and bad times.

[crossdressingrihno]

A little bit of both.


A relationship with love isn’t a relationship with having.


A relationship with somebody who’s irresponsible or brings out your worst qualities is also not a relationship we should be in.


If those are your only two options then wait until a better one shows up.

[abc3643]

You NEED to use both. And, even then, you can be wrong.

[Justneedtokno]

Most definitely

[JosyJosy]

Both. Feelings "He seems nice and is pretty cute" and right after I go "but let's not and get to know him better first and see from there". My "dating" is more hanging out with friends, no expectations, just having fun. You get to know the other person and there's less pressure of "SHOULD WE KISS" IS THIS IT? SEX WHEN?

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I think both none of us has the option of thinking with heart. At least, not men. But women too.
Both genders simply cannot afford to think by heart. Many factors come into play, I believe.

[ColHathi]

You gotta use both, right? There's no point in getting together with someone that your gut is telling you is great, if you can't actually be with them because they live halfway across the globe.

[ColHathi]

To answer the update: I would probably go with my feelings over logic because I'm really yearning for a partner to love and who'd love me, and so it probably wouldn't work out in the long run.

If I wasn't so desperate, the tl;dr is that I'd probably want to prioritize some level of logic and reasoning over feelings.
Longer answer: I'd definitely try to look at whether the relationship makes sense and whether I believe it could last. I'd want to take things slow so we could get to know each other and see how good the chemistry is in various situations. A big thing I'd want to know is how open can I be with her without fear of being judged negatively. Another big one is how the relationship is gonna work in the future, i. e. where do we live, what about our family and friends, kids, money, etc. And I'm not saying I necessarily want any of those things, but that's important to know as well. Is religion gonna be an issue? What about politics?

I'm not against the relationship potentially failing at some point. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and people grow apart, so I'd never want to plan for a "forever" type thing, but I'd at least want it to last more than say, 17 days <_<

[convo_king89]

Logic as in first impression, then gut as if we hit it off or not

[convo_king89]

@Justneedtokno I always look for specific turn ons initially

[Justneedtokno]

Make sense

[ArrowheadSW]

A bit of both. There are feelings but I use logic and reasoning also.

[LazerBean]

If either of them tell me something is wrong, I would believe it and break it off. Otherwise, logic.

[MikeUltra]

I go with a combination of the two.

I can count on my heart to see if we can connect emotionally and it's my mind's jet to make sure that I'm not missing any red flags along the way.

I tend to remind myself that the heart can't think and the mind can't feel.

[Gent207-2]

Both
Let time and circumstances reveal the truth of each other and use that to determine if you want this forever.
There are countless books on the subject

[exitseven]

Mostly went with my gut but I really did think about the long game. I found somebody that I was in love with and was attracted to but also somebody that shared my values and had a similar life experiences.

[FifiJones]

You know that feeling when you could add to a conversation but the rest offended you _and_ damaged your property, physical wellbeing and wasted your time?

[SaoirseS]

A combination of both, but it’s unwise to let the heart overrule the head in my opinion.

[Pinay_ako]

It’s all of it.

[Adam1978]

Logic backed by feelings. I don't pick someone just by logic. Neither do I blindly follow feelings.

[Monalisa77]

Logic/reasoning. I have boxes to be ticked🤣🤣bit also need to feel real attraction

[DizzyDesii]

Logic until i really like them and then that sadly goes out the window

[OfMiceandMen]

It is a combination of both, but I am a pragmatic kind of guy, so I use logic mostly.