Is it possible she came back only looking for friendship even if she was now more intense and getting closer to me?

[Watdsas]

She knows I like her cause I asked her out last year and we flirted a lot. But she slowly slipped away, thought she wanted nothing with me and then came back, more intense than last time and getting even closer. I don't know what else I was supposed to think of that so I started to flirt with her too. We made plans, her idea, to meet up one weekend, but she cancelled again and her intensity dropped again. She answer if I text her but doesn't seem likely she wants to reschedule, more so with a lot happening in her life. I don't know if I screwed up somehow

[DaveJord]

She is a user and emotional manipulator and abuser. Drop it with this one, just ghost.

She was in-between men, and tried reconnecting with and probably 20 other guys... and even though she was interested on some level with you... she thinks she found a better deal.

[Watdsas]

Thanks for your answer! I don't know about that one as she's told me about her life problems since we stopped talking and how it leaves her no time for people besides her mom, as well as how her problems make something as simple as working impossible. But of course I'm the one who's in the middle without knowing what to do

[DaveJord]

Yeah, don't try to date her. Tell her not to the think of you as her next boyfriend, but as her next vacation. I know that sounds stupid... but woman like this do not want more drama in their lives... they just want some to escape the drama with from time to time, before returning to their real lives.

So stop trying to date her, and just start trying to get with her. Maybe more will come of it later.

I had an issue like this with a woman once, and a freind told me. You are fucking up, because you trying to court her like it's a relationship, stop the bullshit be honest and get with her. I sounded like terrible advice, but he was right there was no way that relationship with this woman was going ot work out, but she ended up hooking up together 4 times over 6-month period before she disappeared completely.

So, in the end it was a lot of fun and I think we both got what we wanted out of the "relationship".

[Watdsas]

You might have a point but I don't want that with her, honestly. I care about her, and our ideals are very similar including not hooking up with people, and we're close friends. I want more than just a few nights with her. I loved how slowly our relationship was developing and that she started it

I guess it's a good plan B though, to see me as a vacation. Will keep that on the docket. My actual vacations start soon so I might save it for then if she doesn't contact me

So do you think she wanted friendship or just doesn't know what she wants?

[DaveJord]

If you have made your intentions, clear and she does not want that. You need to move on. It's not what you think it is, and it probably never will be.

[DaveJord]

Sound like you need to do some serious self-reflection on this one... and ask yourself what it is you want with her... and accept nothing else.

[DaveJord]

What mean by nothing else is don't become a stalker. I mean if you want a relationship then do not except anything less. If she does not want that then move my man... she is holding back. The woman out there can be the one, but you are spinning wheels with this one.

[Watdsas]

I don't think I've made them clear though, in fact I feel it's been part of the problem, not making it clear. As it is most of our plans have been her idea and she has to "get me out of my shell". Maybe it's not what I think or want but I want to find our you know? Just don't know how to have that talk with her

[Watdsas]

If she would tell me she doesn't want that I'd accept it and move on, hell I'd probably be in a better place than I am now. But she asks me out, accepts dates, slips away, comes back, wants to get closer, suggests we meet up, cancels again. But doesn't tell me anything about how she feels and it's hard to get her to talk about it, or even be in a place where we can discuss that

What I want is to continue what we had weeks ago that felt so special, more special than the first time we got close

She is holding me back yeah but I'd rephrase it as I'm holding myself back because of her

[DaveJord]

Just man up and tell her... that you care about her more than as just a freind and you want to explore that with her. Thats how you get it started and then wing it from there. It doesn't have to be planned out.

But yes, if you have not told her about this... YES you are FUCKING up big time. Man up my man, and go for it.

I see you are 25, so this might be the first woman that you a have taken this seriously before. So you might be on the right track here. But if you are having these feelings you need to shit or get off the pot. She will not hover in place waiting on you to decide forever.

[DaveJord]

But if she say she does not want that... then don't think for a second you made a mistake by being honest with her. If she says no, trust me break of completely. In the long run it will be easier for you, even if hurts in the short term.

But once a woman tells you she just wants to be freinds, you need to tell her straight that is exactly not JUST what you want. End it at that moment. Give space and wait an see. If she not back in the next few days, move on... don't waste your time. Start looking for the next miss right that is not playing games.

[DaveJord]

IF you want a real relationship with woman, then accept nothing else... trust women never accept anything less then what they feel they deserve.

If want to work it with you then you figure that out... but if she just wants to be freinds, then you start approaching it as hook up situation, if she keeps coming around but doesn't' want to date.

[Watdsas]

" Just man up and tell her... that you care about her more than as just a freind and you want to explore that with her. Thats how you get it started and then wing it from there. It doe"sn't have to be planned out. "

This is precisely what I wanna do once we're alone together, not with a bunch of friends or on a car ride back home alone, but actually spending time alone, which has been impossible. It's weird to mention that out of nowhere isn't it? Especially over the phone. Even if it is oh so necessary

I did ask her out though, doesn't that tell her how I feel a bit?

I don't know if the only one I have taken seriously but definitely the only one I have suffered over, and we haven't even actually begun "dating", lol. I just want to things to go back to where they were weeks ago, at least they were moving forward

[Watdsas]

"then don't think for a second you made a mistake by being honest with her"

for sure! And yeah it'd be better to break it off completely if it comes to that. I'm afraid of losing her friendship too but sometimes I feel it's never been a friendship based on how it started, going out after our breakups and getting touchy with each other

Maybe that's why she's hesitant and slippery? Doesn't know what she wants herself and doesn't want to risk our friendship. Then again the way she's acting would lose any friend too

[Watdsas]

Sometimes I feel she just wanted to hook up, we were too drunk for that, and just stayed as flirty friends, but from what I know about her she's not the type for hookups nor am I

[DaveJord]

Focus on what you want... not what you think she wants. Because that is what it will come down to in the end. What you want and what she wants. Don't get in your own head trying to figure her out on your own. Start with your wants and communicate that with her... then just take it from there.

Again, all she can say is NO, and honestly given the heart ache you are creating for yourself that would be better than not know and playing this guessing game. I would not say you need to wait for this perfect moment to talk about it. Because the long that moment takes to come more distance you may have in between. But a phone to ask her out on date is not out of the question... then bring it out while its just you and her.

Some guys play this "I am just waiting for the perfect moment" game. But that moment will not just happen... sometimes you have to make it happen. Because if you don't start playing a active role and start managing this situation, she might slip away, and that moment will never happen.

Man up, quit stalling and making excuses.

[waldo87]

You're completely right, I'm stalling and waiting for the perfect moment, scared of fucking up (fucking up more?) and the moment not being right with her dealing with so much and never rescheduling our last meet up. Scared of losing her if she doesn't want anything. Scared of it all being in my head (can't be right?). Scared of not doing anything and having her forget me/think I don't care for her. But I guess all that really matters is what I want, and that's to know if there's something between us, and hang out so we can find out

It's been a couple of weeks since we last talked, I was waiting for her to say something but she hasn't. So a text to see how her job hunt is going this Friday could be a good start?

[DaveJord]

@waldo87 good luck my man. When it's this difficult just to get things started... in my experience they never get easier to manage. But this your life and your situation... go for it!

[waldo87]

Thanks! Gotta at least try no? Been just waiting and waiting so far

[waldo87]

I ran into her today and she gave me a huge hug, told me she's been enjoying life without working and spending time with her mom. Nothing about us but it was great seeing her at least

[DaveJord]

@waldo87 You didn't tell her?

[waldo87]

It was very unexpected and in public so I didn't even think of it, just enjoyed the short moment. Plus I had to go somewhere. I did put my hard on her arm when saying goodbye for a few seconds and she did the same. At least I feel better about texting her now, and less pressured

[DaveJord]

@waldo87 Dude you're a lost cause.. lol

[waldo87]

:l yes but why? I was with work colleagues and I stepped aside to talk to her for two minutes, and like I said it was unexpected. I thought it was a very positive encounter, especially since I feel better about texting her now

[DaveJord]

@waldo87 okay, close the deal then.

[waldo87]

haha I'll try. She said her mom's leaving soon and I doubt she wants to do anything if her mom's here, but I will text her at the latest tomorrow. Perhaps tell her it was great seeing her?

[DaveJord]

@waldo87 ASK HER OUT! Quit making excuses. All she can say is no. So what?

[Watdsas]

Hey! Lost cause here! If you don't mind I'm not sure what to do as usual

I texted her about seeing her the other day and told her we should meet up sometime but she hasn't even answered. I just don't get her, she was so happy that day we ran into each other. Maybe I should ask her out like you said, didn't wanna come on too strong and lead into it, but I've asked her before and she'd said yes so she knows how I feel doesn't she?

If she never answers should I maybe at some point ask her why she's so distant? Or just express my feelings to her?

[DaveJord]

Well... really stressed doing it in person... because in text you miss all none verbal communication. But you might be missing them anyway.

Dude, if she never responds to the text... you do nothing. She's not interested. Move to someone else.

[Watdsas]

I get that, but shouldn't I get clarity of the situation? Like if she just wants to be friends I'd like to know that, or if there's something else. It really just messes with my head having loose ends and not knowing. Maybe distancing might help with that but I KNOW knowing would help

Maybe the next time I run into her I should just tell her even if it's uncomfortable and unplanned

[DaveJord]

So honestly even if she wants to be 'just friends"... doesn't matter l. The contact with her the better.

Seriously it's not a situation you should pursue. Just leave her allow. Move on.

[DaveJord]

Don't give her the choice to decide that for you. Just make your own choice for yourself.

This one is not the one. Drop it. That's what's best I think.

[Watdsas]

And you're probably right. But I won't sleep well at night until I know what's up, unfortunately. I gotta talk to her even if it kills me

[DaveJord]

I understand the feeling, but in my years of experience it's never made me feel better. Because you'll never really understand her rationale, and it'll never make any sense to you. So you just learned to like move on and forget about it

[In_Trance]

You're a back up plan. She'll abandon that plan when something lese comes along

[Watdsas]

Could it be her life situation though? She has a lot going on with school and work as well as her health

[In_Trance]

Don't be so naive
She knows exactly what she's doing

[Watdsas]

I'm trying not to, just saying that we're close friends and I know what she's going through

Why do you think she came back after slipping away? I know she cares about me so I find it hard to believe she would just ditch me at the best convenience. Anything's possible though..

[In_Trance]

Have slept with her?
When she came back, did you rail her?

[Watdsas]

No, it's not all I want with her

[In_Trance]

That's why you're a time killer. Soon as she has another offer, you're out.