Is it wrong that I have a problem dating a guy who’s dating other people too?

Question

I had to go my own way in regards to a guy who was dating other women in addition to me. My main issue was he was posting photos of himself with these women and I would see them through Snapchat which was our main way to communicate. I feel like maybe the other women were okay with it, he even posted me. Me and him got really emotionally intimate and he would cuddle me basically having me get attached. So I did the responsible thing and cut things off. It’s the flaunting other women, making me feel like I’m in competition or an option that bothers me. Anyone resonate or does it bother any of you?

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

Is it wrong? - No. It's very natural to not be emotionally okay with it, in my opinion.

In todays society we are experimenting a lot with our freedom to form any type of relationships based on the idea of being able to rationalize away with the basic nature of us as human beings, as if we are in total control of our emotions.
In other words we have broken free of our traditions and western society is now trying to figure out how much of our previous, traditional ways is nurture and how much is nature.
This experiment though, will be complete when our generation dies off and we'll see how many children we had to pass on our culture and way of life and how well their upbringing was compaired to those who didn't. Industrial countries are in population-decline and if most kids comes out of traditional families, most of those will probably be the ones who populate the future and it's politics.

Enough overthinking..
Back to your point..
I feel like in todays modern ways we make unspoken arrangements to be okay these types of open relationships or situationships and whether you are in the wrong or not depends on your stance on it and your capability to fit into it..
You've pretty much expressed that it bothers you to have him act as if what you have isn't special, right?
It is a sign that maybe this particular style of relationship don't fit very well with your nature.
Some things are hard to teach and numbing out loyalty to the point where this isn't bothering you will probably only make it hard for you to bond in the future.

I choose to look at this situation and say that you are seeing a sign that you want to have a bonded and more exclusive partnership with someone. This is a good sign, you are one step closer to narrowing down what you want out of romance.

Quigly · Accepted Answer

Nothing wrong with you at all. A relationship is an investment. It's up to him to make himself an investment for another person. If he isn't an investment, he is just a waste of time. He will only cause anguish.

Sounds like he is deliberately using social media as a weapon. This is a sign of an abusive personality. Although, you have to be careful, Perception and reality can be two different things. Unfortunately, in most cases it's not.

On the other hand, you shouldn't let it bother you either. Dating doesn't really mean anything. Dating does mean you are free to see other people. Until there is a ring on a finger. He is free to see other people. It all comes down to what agreements were made between you and the other person. If you were dating him for too long without making a move toward something more. there is an expiration date on dating. The purpose of dating is to find a life partner. Not just for the attention, Not to simply keep a person from investing in someone more serious. If you have been dating beyond a year and another girl comes along with a more serious offer. That's your fault. It really shouldn't take that long for you to make a decision on something more, or searching for someone else.

HelpMe06 · Accepted Answer

I think it’s healthy to date multiple people at once. It shows that if the guy decides you override all of his other connections that he isn’t just settling for you because he wants a relationship and proves that he genuinely wants you for you. Same with me I date multiple people until I find the one that makes me not want anyone else. It’s healthy because you never settle for less then what you deserve. If you’re dating one person how’re you supposed to be sure of them. That’s my own personal opinion though I know everyone’s different. The posting about it though and putting it in your face to cause jealousy that I don’t agree with. I’d never do that it’s unnecessary.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Good for you! I would have done the same thing.

I don't care what anyone says: I only date ONE PERSON at a time! That's how you get to know them better and see if there's a connection.
When I hear that someone's dating multiple people at once I think they're insecure, just using them for sex or physical attention, or playing around.

"It’s the flaunting other women, making me feel like I’m in competition or an option." Because that's exactly what is was... it didn't bother him because he'd got women that want him. Whereas now you're worried about if he's going to pick you or some other twit fighting for his attention.

Forget him.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I have dated two women at the same time twice in my life and was very uncomfortable with it both times. I will never do it again. Even though I didn't mislead anyone or promise them that we were exclusive, it still felt like I was being disloyal and I hated that feeling.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

No… I would have the same problem… at least be honest with it tho, not all people are… but that said, honest about it or not, I’m only dating someone that’s only dating me, period!!

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I understand where you're coming from. The showing off the other women struck me as a little bit odd. It's one thing to know that you're in competition, that's just how dating works, but it feels kinda tasteless to be so blatant about it.

razelove · Answer

No, that's pretty normal. I've been polygamous for a long time now and realize it's outside the norm. Anyway, it never works out for more than like a month. It can last longer with geographical isolation, like say A is living with me, and I visit B twice a week 30 or 40 miles away, but never have them interact on a regular.

I've only known guys in the nomad lifestyle to successfully work that out though. When I was dating the most I rotated was 5, but typically it was like 3 if nothing was serious.

Man or woman it's natural to compare, want more time, and get jealous if the person you're seeing is seeing other people the same way they see you. The ultimate goal is to have a family, and it simply isn't stable or healthy to have a family with multiple partners.

eatmycupcake · Answer

You reserve the right to date on your terms. If those don't align with his, cutting him off was the right move. I don't think there's anything inherently "wrong" with dating that way per se, but I don't think I'd like it much either personally. It's totally fine to end things if someone isn't matching your vibe!

rukus88 · Answer

Until you are in a committed relationship officially, You ARE in competition with other women, regardless of weather or not he is dating other women, and all desired men are. This is true on our end as well. Weather or not you stay is a preference your not right or wrong its your choice either way. However their are drawbacks to both choices. If you aren't willing to compete for a high value man, you won't get one. Or you could settle, but then you have to live with your decision.

DizzyDesii · Answer

If he’s kissing on other women or touching them sexually, we won’t be talking anymore. The pics would piss me off but I don’t use social media so I likely would never see them and would just hear by word of mouth as usual. I don’t really care if the guy is getting to know other girls but getting physical is a no no. Down the line, we’ll eventually agree to date/talk to only eachother and thats when I’d have an issue with him flirting with others, flaunting others in pics etc

provokeesmokee · Answer

No, not wrong. You have a right to date how you wish.

But so does he and all his other women.

If you want an exclusive relationship, though, ask for it. Many people date multiple people at the same time, and will commit to one if they're asked to.

Not everyone will define dating or dating expectations like you will. Doesn't mean either of you are wrong - just different.

MzAsh · Answer

You did the right thing. I think it’s understandable to see other people within the first few dates, but hypothetically speaking, (and this is just me) once sex happens or emotional attachment, then I’m no longer sharing so I’ll require full loyalty and commitment. I find it odd and a bit juvenile that he’s posting his dating memories on snap. He’s likely in this all for validation. You dodged a bullet.

slatyb · Answer

I think it's wise to not jump into an exclusive relationship but to meet a number of people before settling down. There's a mathematical theory that if you have time to meet, say, 100 people before marrying, then you should meet 37 people, not marry any of them, then marry the next person who is better than all the people you have met so far.

So I think he is right to date more than one person at a time, but maybe not to flaunt it on social media.

_SillyShoes_ · Answer

No, I wouldn't stand for that c**p either. If I'm not dating anyone else and am serious about it, then the fair thing is to expect the same from the other person.

If they can't do that then they're not for you. And please don't brainwash yourself into thinking they are for you and you can change them - they're not and you can't.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't think it's wrong for you to feel that way. If you're dating someone, you want to know they are into you specifically, not you and 10 other people, but then again, if he's mentioned that he's dating around or not looking for anything serious, then you kind of have to accept that too or move on.

Lliam · Answer

Once we were dating, there is no way that I would continue dating a woman who wasn't exclusive. I want a woman who is infatuated and thinks sex with me is amazing. I don't want a woman who is a player.

Anonymous · Answer

That really depends who the guys is. Some women don't seem to get there are some guys you're just simply going to have to share. Now if you don't want to share I get that and that's totally understandable. But you have to accept that you're not going to get that guy then if you're unwilling to share. I consider this to be the real problem. That so many want what the want. But want it in the package they want it in. Life just doesn't work that way that's all.

Flower7 · Answer

It would have bothered me too. It seems like you did the right thing. I’m sure his spreading himself around would have caused you even more pain in the future.

Boomchakalaca · Answer

I mean thats weird but people today date a bunch of em at the same time ig. And snapchat rlly? Guys n girls on snap be basic asl its the ones that rarely use it r a gem

Billlewis · Answer

Guys should never date more than one woman at a time. That privilege should be reserved for women exclusively, in my opinion.

Jazzy54 · Answer

Hmm. It’s obvious that you two wanted different things. You wanted exclusivity while he didn’t. Make sure you communicate that the next time you’re in a relationship so there are no hurt feelings.

BobLouis · Answer

I date more than one and that's because I am the boss and I hold it down for my women. She enjoys what I have because I work for it. It's perfectly normal.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

No. I would be upset if he dated others at the same time too.

mommymommymommy · Answer

you want something serious. there's nothing wrong with that, but, you might want to find someone who wants the same. don't get involved with someone who says he's dating other people

Christoff92 · Answer

I don't think that's an issue because other girls are also ok with guys dating other girls. Or it becomes a dating triangle. Meaning two girls with one guy.

Bricealan · Answer

It would bother me too, if a woman did that.

gothbxtch · Answer

no, not weird at all. unless you’re poly, this makes total sense. either way, feeling like breaking up with someone isn’t wrong.

Jessetye · Answer

Everyone is different, if it felt right for you to do that , than that is the right thing to do. If the girls he wad with were just friends than it shouldn't be a problem however it sounds more like he likes many women

Rangers · Answer

It would be wrong if you DIDN'T take issue with dating a guy who's dating other girls

KatherineJ · Answer

If you are looking for a monogamous relationship, it’s not wrong at all.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Is it double standard or if a girl talks with multiple guys and go date with them, then its fine but not otherway around? Hmm interesting...

Anonymous · Answer

Raise the bar for the men you date. It shouldn’t be on the floor.

RyanK9b · Answer

Quite normal reaction. But if you're the main girl u shouldn't worry.

shades777 · Answer

imi think ill remix the question and ask tge fellas

Anonymous · Answer

It is not wrong to have a problem with this, nor to NOT have a problem with this. It's sort of an "anything goes" type of thing when you're outside of marriage and engagement

007kingifrit · Answer

no that was totally normal and he shouldn't have been doing that

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah this guy sounds like the physical architype that women only want 😂

Joey718 · Answer

Not at all. I only date 1 girl at a time.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Rules for the not for me anyone?

LiamJHayden · Answer

No, you have to do what is right for you.

jahaims · Answer

You are allowed to have preferences

In_Trance · Answer

whatever works for you

justabuddy · Answer

Yeah... that's not a healthy relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s not wrong at all.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I get it

Is it wrong that I have a problem dating a guy who’s dating other people too?

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