We are in a long distance relationship and certain circumstances and obstacles are getting in the way of us staying together. I am so heartbroken but we're trying to take it one day at a time & not stress about the things we cannot change. After months & months of trying to resolve all the issues that are getting in our way, we both agreed that we should have an open relationship and see other people. The idea is killing my inside because just imagining him with another girl is making me go crazy. I am so sad but I know it's the best thing for us right now.
I asked him if he's truly okay with our new arrangement & his response was "Of course I'm not okay with it & I would be upset if you dated other guys. But we can't get so invested in each other if we have no idea how our relationship will turn out. I don't want to tie you down and not have it work out in the end."
A few weeks later I took pictures with a guy I went on a date with and captioned it "Having some fun!" We went out for drinks and it was a good time but he just wasn't my type. I was honestly just getting my mind off my boyfriend and trying to distract myself. My heart just wasn't in it. He didn't even compare to the connection that I felt with my boyfriend and I just did it so I could mentally move on.
My boyfriend was like "So you're officially dating him?" I was like "No, I just went on a few dates with him. Why are you so upset by this?" He was like "I know you're not mine right now but I'm just upset. I don't know why exactly." Why would he react this way when he's literally the one who initiated the whole "open relationship" thing and I was the one who was so against it? Why does he want me and yet encourage me to move on?
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You guys are still dating, correct?
This sounds extremely similar to a situation I had between me and my boyfriend, actually. The only difference is that we never ended up dating anyone else.. But we kept things open "just in case"... Because like your partner said, my boyfriend didn't want to tie me down.. He wanted me to enjoy my life and not necessarily have to commit 100% since we were hundreds of miles away from eachother.. We still loved each other dearly though. It was just to destress that situation in a way.. To set/open goals and rules and boundaries.
I'd say that his conflicting emotions come from how much he loves and craves you. However, like he said, he doesn't want to be controlling. But he still gets jealous at the thought of you being around another guy, just like how you admitted you'd feel the same way.
There's really only two options for you guys at this point..
You can close your relationship and just work out the difficulties yourselves and be patient..
You both can try to he understanding and try to not be jealous at the thought of your partner having another.. Thinking of it from the mindset of enjoying seeing your partner happy will help.
Initially, when I thought of my boyfriend being with another girl.. I was so jealous.. But then I thought about it in a better prospective, one of a best friend almost. I thought like hey, I'm glad he has someone to be affectionate with since I know how affection feels so good and I'm glad he can be happy in a way that I can't help with.
That sort of thing.. And be supportive also!
Even though me and my boyfriend never ended up getting other partners, we used to kinda joke about it actually! Just saying fun things, like if he mentioned a female friend I'd cut him off and say something like "yass my boy finally got himself a girl!" And we'd have fun about it!
I hope this helps!! :) best of luck to you!
Your answer has literally been what I've been searching for! ❤️ I have been an emotional mess for the last few months because nothing is certain and it always hurts my heart that we can't fully be together at the moment. I understand exactly what you're saying and it's one of the most challenging things I've ever had to experience. It's like you have finally found what you're searching for in a partner but you just can't have it because of external obstacles. I realize now that he was trying to be selfless and wants me to find happiness even if that means we don't end up being together. I will try harder to support him because he deserves all the happiness in the world. Your perspective has made me hopeful that this is not necessarily and end but that we can learn to love each other in different ways if need be. Thank you so much ❤️
I'm so very happy to have been of help!! And yes! Definitely! Awe I'm so happy for you! You two are really so cute and I can tell you'll go so far! Things will definitely get hard.. Trust me on that.. Me and my boyfriend just had a really, really rough patch.. But we're working really hard to fix things! We both know that we're each other's soul mates, and I honestly feel like it's the same with you and yours! I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need to vent or want advice or someone to talk to, you're always welcome to send me a pm!! And I'll try and help as best I can :) <3