Should I stay in my relationship?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a relationship with this guy for 10 months now and I am so in love with him. But, ever since we've been getting into petty arguments recently, I've been fantasising about my old single lifestyle. I miss being single and I think all the time about how I could go out and hook up with whoever I wanted. What makes me feel even worse about this situation is that I constantly find myself being attracted to other men/women and imagine hooking up with them. I wonder if I would be happier to be single, but I also love my boyfriend. I can't suggest an open relationship as I know he wouldn't be comfortable with that, and to a certain extent, neither would I. I couldn't look at him with the same love and adoration if I knew he was also sleeping with other women. I'm happy with him but I just cannot get the idea of being single again out of my mind. I feel like an awful girlfriend and that I'm cheating on him through my imagination. Any advice would be really helpful, thank you.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's totally normal to feel attracted to other people or fantasize about your past freedom when you've been in a serious relationship for a while. The grass always looks greener, you know? But the fact that you care about not hurting this guy shows you've got a good heart. A few things that have helped me in past relationships when I started feeling those doubts:

- Remember why you fell for him in the first place. The little things he does that make you smile.

- Schedule fun date nights to keep the spark alive. Mix things up from your usual routine.

- Communication is key. Talk to him about your feelings without accusation. A good partner will want to understand you.

- We all have moments of weakness. But don't dwell there - choose each day to recommit to your guy.

- Compromise in arguments and try seeing from his perspective too. Petty fights drain the fun away.

If after really trying those things you're still truly unhappy more than happy, then maybe it's not right long-term. But give it an honest shot first before throwing in the towel on someone good. You never know, opening up could make your bond stronger. Just my two cents, sis! You've got this.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this! The hardest part for us is that we are currently long distance, and I've noticed that that has been putting a strain on our relationship a lot. I do want to give it more of a shot just so that I can feel valid in my reasons and my desires, because I do truly love him. I just don't know if love will make me want to stay in a relationship knowing that part of me doesn't feel cut out for a relationship, if that makes sense? But honestly, this has really helped and opened my eyes, thank you 🙏🏼

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem sis, glad I could help provide some perspective! Long distance definitely adds another layer of challenge too.

It totally makes sense that you wanna give it your all before making a final call, just so you know for sure either way. Love alone isn't always enough to sustain a relationship long term, especially from afar.

My advice would be really focus on open communication with your guy during this trial period. Really talk through how the distance is affecting you both emotionally and practically. Compromise where you can to try meeting each other's needs.

Also nurture your independence and solo time too. Pursue your own hobbies, friends, goals so you don't lose your sense of self in the relationship. If after all that effort you still find yourself craving singleness more, then at least you'll know you truly gave it your all before deciding.

But don't let it drag on forever if deep down you know it's run its course, ya feel? You gotta follow your gut above all else. Wishing you the best figuring this out, sis - you've got this! Lemme know if an ear helps as you work through it 🤙

[Billlewis]

Aside from your squabbles, how does he make you feel otherwise?

[Asker]

We originally connected after realising that our behaviour and personality are fairly similar, which was crazy to both of us as we are quite unique characters. Besides the squabbles, we get on really well and I'm very comfortable around him. But recently I've found myself having less of a sex drive and being somewhat less attracted to him? He is a very attractive man, but he also isn't my usual type, so I'm very conflicted in that regard.

[LazerBean]

Anyone who misses being single while in a relationship should not be in a relationship.

[Iron_Man]

Why did you even bother getting into a relationship when your mind is wondering all over the place looking for other guys that’s horrible to get involved with other people knowing that’s how you feel

[Asker]

When we started dating, I was so ready for a healthy and committed relationship as I felt I was finished with my single lifestyle, and especially after the trauma of my ex, I was ready to begin a new chapter. These feelings have only arisen recently, so there's no need for you to be so judgmental towards me. I do not want to hurt him, nor did I intend on feeling this way in a relationship with him.

[Iron_Man]

This is not stable 10 months is not that long you’re not ready for a relationship. You’re probably very young and you’re making mistakes and you’re changing your mind. How do you know what you want after 10 months anyway I don’t recommend that you have any more relationships? for a long, long time. Take this opportunity to find yourself

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate your honesty

[Iron_Man]

You’re welcome good luck with your boyfriend and good luck in the future

[msc545]

You want to have your cake and eat it too...

[Asker]

This is not the case, I am conflicted over whether I should stay with him and hope to god that these feelings pass, or if it's best for me to leave him and move on