Example : Jack and Jill are both in their 20s been together for two years, Jill is trying to move up in her company for money and opportunities, trying to be healthy, etc.
Jack works very stable job , doesn’t want to workout , very much out of shape/ poor healthy habits, his friends are good people and just wants to do the same thing on the weekends.
They get along very well but Jill tries to help jack because she thinks he can do better with improving his life but jack isn’t interested in and enjoys his life the way it is.
What do you think?
People should accept their lover for who they are
People should improve their lives with time
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Should people stay the same or improve themselves in a relationship?
My girlfriend accepts my faults (mostly just physical). I'm a heavier guy. I get away with it a bit because I am 6'3. Also I hear short girls are into taller guys (my girlfriend is 5'1 1/2). But I have suffered with low self esteem for years. I take paxil and propranolol and together I gained weight. But I life 3 times a week and I exercise everyday working in 1-3 hours to try to stay in shape. Despite that I can't shake the overhang and love handles. Even with proper dieting. I feel lucky I found a woman who still cherishes me for me. That said my heart is considerably stronger since I started taking better care of myself and I have much more stamina and more confidence.
Being that my girlfriend is almost 11 years my junior also boosted my confidence too. I give her all I can as a man. I make sure that she's taken care of and I give her my heart and help where and when I can. My eyes are only for her and she knows it. You should always try to improve yourself not just for your partner but for yourself. Trying to improve yourself shows dedication to your partner and relationship. If you really love her you should want to do this naturally anyways. The push behind me is my girlfriend. She motivates me with here mere presence.
I think both things are true. My take on Jack's "problem" is that he is too comfortable. He has no ambition, and that's going to bite him in the ass. Already his health is suffering maybe not a big deal when you're 24, but when you're 44, that equates to heart, lung, or organ problems. Or other medical issues. You don't get away with anything. Sit on your ass and be lazy now, it's going to bite you later, whether it's in the finances, health, relationships, or otherwise. There's no such thing as a free lunch. I even see this with a lot of parents who spoil their kids, give them everything, then these rich little bitches go off to college and have no social skills, can't cope with real life, can't deal with each other because they are all spoiled rotten, then they end up miserable and sometimes in worst case scenarios they are killing themselves in suicide or going on shooting rampages. Other times they just are miserable and cut themselves or turn into drug abusers, sex addicts, codependent sad lives in general. So wasn't so awesome being spoiled by your parents anymore when it makes you a miserable adult. That's what I mean by there's no such thing as a free lunch. You might "have it good" and rest on your laurels now but nothing pays off like hard work and discipline to make you happy on the inside and out.
I voted to be accepted. Thats because I realise that my partner never accepted me. He dug to find out about me but as soon as he thought he got the measure of me he started his bullying to get me to change all that I was. From the way I dressed to the food I ate, my weight to the friends I kept. It was a constant problem. It took me a long time of fighting and resisting and sometimes doing it just because simply because well, why date someone you don't like. I realise that his love was conditional. Until I became all he wanted I wasn't worthy of the title of "girlfriend" so I set him free... I'm a person who sets high standards for myself but I'm a very humble person. The improvements are always inward never to show others. That's what he hated my finances couldn't be seen... He likes gucci and all these type of things. For me that makes you rather cheap.(my opinion) so we were not compatible and we were wasting our time fighting, all because the sex was fire. Thats never enough to keep things together. I wish him luck. As there are beautiful miss world types out there that will really push themselves to be all he ever dreamed of and more.
The first thing is that weight management should always be a personal decision unless it is affecting your ability to perform your professional or familial or social responsibilities, or you are so out of shape that it puts you in the unhealthy category so nobody should ever have the authority to control or demand that another person attain a certain weight unless they are doing it out of selfless concern and not to get an ego boost at the expense of the fat person. Now the bible says not to plow with two different animals yoked together meaning if two people are not pursuing the same direction of growth and one is not satisfied with the other, they should break up, not as a form of punishment to the lazy person but as a way to foster lifestyle congruency in your relationship.
I think it is important to improve yourself in various ways, depending on where you are in life at the start of the relationship. If it is good for you and your partner, a bit of effort is great. Having some concern for your health and financial stability is important.
However, it is also important to not overdo things. Wanting to live a life of contentment is often looked at with a disdain that I still can't understand. There is nothing wrong with contentment. If you have a stable job with a good income, it's quite alright to keep it rather than move up. Moving up in a career tends to increase your workload, stress, and take away time you could spend with your partner. For people like me, time is a lot more valuable than money; and there is only so much time I am willing to give to things like work (especially when it is time I could be spending with my partner).
We can always "do better" in life, no matter who we are/what we're doing. The important thing is knowing when it's time to stop, before our pursuit of "better" loses us the wonderful things we already have.
DON'T marry someone who wants to go left and when you wanna go right. - This isn't an issue of, "accept your partner as they are", as I keep seeing in the comments. You both are on the same page NOW in regards to where your at in life. The issue is, are you gonna be LATER? - Reminds me of my Zoom calls with my mentor. The others always ask him stuff like this. Like what to do about their lazy husbands. This a good question because another one of my mentors, who isn't really my mentor but i look up to him, has had multiple wives (not at the same time) because he ends it once they out grow each other. Says their are multiple, "The One".
Personally I think everybody should have a chief aim of who they wanna be in life and as a person first and then get clear and definite on exactly what they want their relationship to look like. Don't marry someone who wants to go left and you wanna go right. You both have to know where you wanna go and be on the same page. So if the person I am becoming isn't the person you wish to marry than end it right then and there or just be a casual relationship. Same goes for the relationship goal. If they want a different kind of marriage than you then end it right then and there or just have a casual relationship. People can have a good relationship regardless but it'll be the best relationship you could have had with someone else. Relationships last like 30% longer than they should i remember reading years ago. Let people go so you both can get what you really want and so you can grow. No such thing as staying the same. You are either growing or becoming worse.
People should get together with folks who are compatible with them.
Some people want and desire evolution in their lives, some people don’t.
I personally could NEVER be with someone who refuses to challenge me or themselves. And it’s not about being dissatisfied with life. I enjoy growth. I enjoy learning lessons and discovering new things and taking chances. That doesn’t mean everything has to be “exciting” or “wild” all the time. It just means I embrace change and I chose to improve how I see fit. So a guy like your hypothetical Jack would never work out for me. Limited ambition is a turn off with me. But that doesn’t make this “Jack” a bad guy. He needs to find someone who wants the same thing. A relationship is what you make it. Either you can grow apart or grow together.
People should accept their lover for who they are.
However this couple are on different wavelengths. So it will be more work for them than for other couples.
Couples should motivate each other naturally. Couples jointly decide to eat better. If one slips, they know it affect the other, so it gives them more motivation to succeed.
Couples decided to quit smoking. They decide to get in better shape. They decide to do better financially. When it only affects yourself, it doesn't matter as much as when it affects the other person.
It's like a constant state of "If I can do it, it's more likely that you will. If I fail, it's more likely that you will fail." Both people motivate each other to get better.
One of the most difficult parts of any relationship is that no one stays the same. Yes, some things about you remain fairly constant, but many other things about you will change over time as you live and learn.
This is especially true when you are younger. As you age the changes tend to be less and less over time.
But when you go from being a teen to your 20s, then 20s to 30s, 30s to 40s and 40s to 50s, you tend to change a lot of things every decade. Things still change after that, but usually not as rapidly.
So if you meet someone in your teens or 20s, it's a crap shoot. You really won't know what that person will be like later. I think that's why divorce is so common. The chances that BOTH people will change in a way that continues to be appealing to the other is not all that big.
Remaining the same way in a relationship is never a good thing. Because now you are not just one person, you are a couple now. You have to work on somethings for the relationship. Maybe even lose a few things. Yes, somethings remain the same because its important, but somethings are also supposed to change. Only then will people have a good relationship.
So to answer the heading, people should stay the same. This refers to things like personality, preferences, interests, dislikes, desires, goals, skills, intellect, hobbies, views, etc. these shouldn't change just to accommodate a spouse.
To answer the poll, it doesn't let me click both. People should always try improving their lives, but thats not a foundation for relationships.
Relationships are about love, not financial or material success.
Everyone is different. Some people are satisfied with their lives. The trick is finding out that they are not very ambitious before you marry them. My wife and I had many long conversations about working, health , having kids, money and lots of other things. We were on the same page with a lot of things and were aware of our differences. No relationship is perfect but I think we are pretty similar in our views.
Accepting your lover as they are and improving oneself are not exclusive. Jill can love jack but that wouldn’t make her dumb af and blind to the fact that his lifestyle is unhealthy.
People in a relationship should see each other and the long term potential for the relationship continuing as incentive to work on bettering themselves.
It won’t last. They will get sick of each other because they aren’t compatible. She is ambitious and he is content and doesn’t want to be helped. She may be the type of woman who wants a career top dog.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Single or not, always improve yourself. That's one of my standards. If she's not actively working toward being better than she already is, I'm not gonna bother seeking a relationship. Experience has taught me that lazy people get lazier when they get comfortable in a relationship, and the whole thing goes to shit because I end up doing all the work.
I think you should always look for ways to improve yourself in all aspects of your life. Notice I said YOU, meaning these improvements should be for your own personal growth. If improvement is at someone else's behest (ie SO) then it isn't healthy.
I want a girl who knows what she wants and tells me what to improve on. It's so much better than just guessing and then getting dumped if you don't read their minds and make bad adjustments of months and years.
They should help each other become better people. It’s not wrong to correct somebody when they are in the wrong. Good relationships take a lot of humility
What? You should always be trying to improve yourself. The people who say they are always the same have a tendency to be the people on the left side of the IQ curve.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Everyone needs to always improve themselves, be it educationally, personally or looks. Those that don’t are the ones who end up fat, ugly, dumbed down and left for a more attractive partner.
It's a mix of both. Your partner should accept you for who you are but if you never seem to improve and get better and they are it's within reason they stop being into you.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
People should always try to improve themselves... for themselves. But they should not change because they think someone wants them to.
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