My ex wants to get back together but slowly?

[Anonymous]

(My ex and I are both 22) We had broken up in May due to our work schedules not matching, stress on both ends, and the distance between us. We had a pretty healthy relationship when we were together and afterwards still had texted every day since. Recently I had ended up moving closer and transferring job locations as I moved in with my friend. My ex and I had started to hang out once or twice a week since I moved and have agreed to get back together but slowly as he currently works crazy hours at the moment. He says that we’re not just friends and this isn’t quite a relationship just yet and it’s somewhere in between. It makes me feel confused and nervous about the situation due to my past other relationships that failed and were toxic. Recently I’ve been feeling more nervous as we did have sex. I’m scared that this will not turn out the way I’m expecting since I want to get back together. But I’ve also never gotten back with an ex before now and have never moved slowly either but I’m feeling scared about the situation as we had sex. I have very strong feelings for him still as well and he says he feels the same but am I just overthinking this situation?

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like you have some valid concerns about getting back together with your ex in a slow and undefined way. A few things to consider:

• While taking things slowly can be healthy, the lack of clarity and mixed signals can also breed confusion, anxiety and distrust. Asking for more direct communication of intentions and boundaries may help ease your mind.

• Having sex so early on, before clearly redefining the relationship, can blur lines and cloud judgment. It may be best to remove sex from the equation for now to focus on rebuilding trust and communication first.

• Your fears and nerves are understandable given your history of toxic relationships. Proceeding consciously and cautiously may help protect your heart this time.

• Strong feelings alone are not enough to make a relationship work. You also need shared values, good communication, trust and a desire from both partners to make things work. Pay attention to whether those essential components are truly there.

• Your ex's vague language about being "somewhere in between" friends and a relationship suggests a lack of clarity or certainty on his end. Getting on the same page with clear expectations will be important moving forward.

• Take things one step at a time and pay close attention to how the relationship evolves. If your needs for security, communication and clarity are not being met, speak up for yourself. You deserve a partner who can meet you there.

In summary, while getting back together can work out in some cases, moving slowly and consciously is key. Focus on communicating your needs clearly, developing transparency and trust, and watching for compatibility and effort on both sides. Your concerns are valid - listen to your intuition and advocate for the relationship you truly desire.

Hope this perspective provides some clarity and validation. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Healthy couples do not break up because of work schedules. When problems arise, healthy couples work together to find solutions and compromises.

[Alli39]

You should and have every right to ask for clarification of his intentions. Slow is fine, but ambiguous is not. Don't subject yourself to a situationship if it's not what you want. Moreover, make it clear in what ways you want to advance your relationship. If he's only trying to move forward with sex, but you're trying to move forward with the emotional side of things, that's a serious disconnect that needs to be addressed.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Have you ever considered that he has other stuff in his life that take priority? Have you considered actually meeting with him just so the both of you can talk about this matter?