Am I falling for my ex’s best friend? Do I shut these feelings down?

[HaleyCovey360]

So let’s call my ex Nathan and we’ll call his friend Kaleb. At first Nathan and I were friends kind of. We hung out at school once and we texted all the time, we had a mutual friend. When we hung out the first time he brought his friend Kaleb with and I brought my friend. I immediately started crushing on Kaleb and I knew he was into me too. When we hugged goodbye the first time it was obvious and Nathan got jealous and didn’t want us to hug each other anymore. At this time I already knew Nathan had fallen for me but I was dating a girl. Me and Kaleb got high together one day and we had this moment together where I thought we were gonna kiss but then Nathan asked my brother to interrupt. I told Nathan that I have a crush on Kaleb and he was pretty upset but he told me that Kaleb is bad news. I decided not to go for Kaleb because it would ruin my friendship with Nathan. There was still this sexual tension between us tho and we’d piss each other off and playfully hit each other and Nathan would always get mad. One time they were literally pulling me at my arms from both ends. I decide to break up with my girlfriend and decided to date Nathan because he was the nicer one who didn’t smoke or drink plus my parents hated Kaleb and loved Nathan. Kaleb eventually became close friends with my brother. Me and Nathan date for two years until we finally broke up because at first I felt like he had an inappropriate relationship with his female friends until he convinced me I was crazy because I have bpd. Later I started to distance myself for my own sanity and he started verbally abusing me. We broke up but like a week later I had sex with Kaleb. While we had sex he asked me if I’d date him if he fell in love with me and later said the same thing. He told me he wanted to get me before Nathan did and that at first he tried to steal me from Nathan. But my parents won’t let Nathan in our house and my mom thinks Kaleb is bad news, a “menace” actually.

[strateguy632]

follow your heart and feelings, ignore them.

[RoseySarah]

You end those feelings they are just crushing! Take a break for yourself and see what you want in a man not just chasing

[Anonymous]

Yes, you better do that. This won't end well if you don't.

[Drumlin2001]

Don't do it. It'll only bring drama. Move on

[Danny_dan92]

Grow up little one

[HaleyCovey360]

Huh?

[Danny_dan92]

You wanna bounce on all the cocks belonging to your ex’s friends because you cannot move on from your ex.

That or you think those are the only boys left in the world.

Here’s an idea, go do something productive. Stop thinking about dick for 2 seconds

[HaleyCovey360]

So what if I wanna bounce on all the cocks after my ex probably emotionally cheated on me with his girl bestfriends. Right after we broke up he hung out with them all the time. I tried to get back with him he didn’t want to because my dad didn’t want him around when my dad legit said if he wanted me back he would’ve apologized for saying those horrible things to me much like you are right now and they weren’t even true I was always at home even on saturdays. Then we break up for a day and I’m already hearing rumors about him and his girl best friend who got dumped by a guy in my class a day later because he heard rumors she’s cheating on him.

[HaleyCovey360]

The rumors weren’t true but they did see them walking with their arms locked into each other. This girl is also supposedly my friend and if that’s not bad enough I showed them the messages where he verbally abused me and they still chose to hang out with him and practically ignored me even if they say they didn’t.
These are all kids who failed last semester and we get made a fool of by their girl bestie and boybestie relationship but they need us honor students with thousands of followers on IG to tutor them. When they have like 30 followers.
So yeah of course I’m gonna find comfort in my guy friends because at least their there for me and if I’m gonna have to bounce on some cock occasionally that’s fine too but at the end of the day I liked Kaleb first until Nathan told me he’s bad news and I went for Nathan instead because I didn’t want to lose my best friend.
Now he’s hurt me worse than he could possibly and he still wants me to hang out with them at school. With him and his fucking Harem.
But to answer the last thing you said I’m regretting not going for Kaleb in the forst place because at least I wouldn’t have been stuck thinking I’m crazy for feeling jealous and yet I’m still considering Nathans feelings because I don’t feel like I want to deal with the feelings I’m having until he moves on first. But apparently he says he never will. Oh and did I mention he slapped me once and head budded me for getting high with Kaleb once yeah so keep thinking I’m the fucked up one. I’m the only one out here falling in love over and over again.

[Danny_dan92]

Holy shit