So I met this man on online dating and we had been talking for about a month before we decided on to go on a date. I usually do like dating older guys and would go for guys 10 years older but he was a little bit older than that as there was a 13 year difference that didn’t bother me. We had organised days but had to reschedule a few time because I was tired from shift work (I work 24/32 hours at a time) but he was always very understanding and very accommodating about it and just wanted to ensure I was okay. He was a gentleman on the date and drove to my town which was an hour away to make sure I was comfortable on the date, paid for our food and drinks even though I instead in paying. The date was a bit awkward because it was a first date after all but he was a very nice guy, he didn’t overstep with anything. However during the date he dropped a few bombshells he didn’t mention before. He told me he was a divorced, that he had two kids and that actually he wasn’t 37, but that he actually was 42. I felt a bit blind-sighted by it, I did not see it coming and was caught off guard. It was off putting not because of the kids (I’ve always worked with children, including homeless children and children with disabilities) and not because of his age really since there was already an age gap to begin with, I was out off because I felt he wasn’t honest and he lied on his profile. He explained to me why and told me that he just wanted to make an impression first before being judged for those factors and although I completely understand it I still don’t think it’s okay. The thing is, I still want to get to know him more, but I told my sister and she judged me for wanting to date him when he’s in his early 40’s and I’m 25. She said I can do better and was freaked out because our parents are in their late 40’s and he last closer in age to them than me. I just like how he is as a person, he’s more considerate and supportive than the guys my age but the lying he did was still wrong.
I want to go out with a guy my sister disapproves of, should I listen to her?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Yeah it's not a good sign I mean would you ever listen to your sister anyway or just do what you want? She is probably right do you want a guy in his 40s with kids to? Do you want kids yourself? Where are you finding these guys around your own age that ain't those things?🤔 that is a big jump in age if that's the reasons why you just have clearly been speaking to the wrong people around your age.
I do what I want but of course I listen to people close to me advice, there’s nothing wrong with taking it into consideration. And dating someone doesn’t automatically make their kids mine. It’s dating not marriage so I’m not thinking that far ahead. The kids will be a bridge I cross when I get there, and that’s if things progress to that point. And just so you know I’ve spoken to may guys my own age and up to their mid 30’s and honestly they’re very wishy washy in general. At least the men I find attractive are. I find that we date and things are good but there’s always this consumerist mentality towards dating where they wanna play the field and see what else they can get because they’re still young and up for exploring their options. Which is fine, and their right but nothing lasts and it ends up being a massive waste of time only for eventually them to come around and say they wanna date again because the grass may seem greener when it’s not. But by then I want nothing to do with them because it’s obviously off putting and makes them come across as untrustworthy. It out my off guys my age really and I’m kind of fed up of it now.
Yeah definitely not it's good your open to others opinions. I'm not talking about them automatically being your children I'm talking about the future he has kids will he want more, I see you dont no what you want because I would only be dating people I see a future with of course you have to remain present in the moment and enjoy that but to say the kids will be a bridge to cross when it comes to that is pretty ridiculous to be honest you dont sound serious about looking for something long term not with that mindset, Well you probably want to heal the part of yourself that's attracted to wishy washy dudes, I'm trying to think of any guy I know that is like that maybe the odd one so you really know how to pick them😂 and that's completely understandable you wouldn't want anything to do with them after that its good you know your worth.
That’s a pretty messed up thing to assume about someone. As someone who works with people with serious trauma, drug addiction, child protection issues, disabilities and homelessness, and probably have more experience than you in actually dealing with issues people need to heal from, your comment is really ignorant. I don’t “attract” wishy washy guys because there’s something I need to heal from, I’m not responsible for how other people choose to behave and I’m not a mind reader that I can foresee that they’ll end up that way. If people are nice and I get on, I meet them and if they become wishy washy I end the relationship. That’s my role, is walking away from a dynamic that’s not good for me, but I’m in no way responsible for their unreliability. It’s a tale as old as time where instead of recognising it’s the persons issue to behave that way, we spin it on the other person and say it’s somehow their fault that someone was good at masking unhealthy patterns. Your logic is flawed and you fail to see is that there’s people in the world who are great at manipulating and at pretending to be better than they are.
And in relation to your comment about kids, my attitude is that I’ll cross that bridge when I get there because I see so many people I work with having kids because it’s “just what you do” when you get to a certain age which honestly is a pretty selfish way of thinking. I’ve seen children be taken away, and children to be neglected to some extent and honestly I would personally never want to put a child in that position myself. Which is why I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it because if one day I want a child then I’ll assess if I’m actually in a good place to have them, emotionally and financially and ensure that I’m in a stable enough place. I find it to be less of a selfish way of being than having a life plan that might not work out and trying to force it when it’s not the right thing to do. Nothing ridiculous about it at all, I think it’s more sensible than anything but each to their own.
Well you attract what you are and it soundes like your abit wishy washy with what you want to it doesn't seem your clear on what your actually looking for you'll just cross that bridge when it pops up and you have begun to get invested already no wonder you getting bitter with people around your age. It's a simple question it has nothing to do with what everyone else is doing we ain't sheep we are individuals would you if of course the stars aline and everything is perfect which is never the case do you want children it's very simple seems like you spent to much time dealing with others traumas. Think of it like this say you had children now you know your looking for a long term partner you find a potential partner and when it comes to your kids they just say yeah I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it so you'll invest so much time till that very last point and decide whether that is going to be for you or not? Sounds like a way of just hurting people you need to be more decisive in what you want! No wonder your getting wishy washy when it comes to dating.
First of all, I at first described guys my age as wishy washy when you asked me why I didn’t just say someone my own age, not myself as that so why you’ve all of a sudden changed the narrative for that to be me is beyond me really. Secondly I did not study psychology in university for 5 years of my life for someone to say some pseudoscience of “you attract what you are”. Where did you even hear that? There’s absolutely no research that would back that claim it’s so ridiculous. I’m clear in what I’m looking for now and that’s a relationship, do I need to go thinking 10 years ahead into the future for that? If someone asked me if I wanted children on a date I’d tell them I’d be open to it if I felt it was right. You strike me as the type of person who’s have children just for the sake of it. There’s already too many deadbeat parents in the world, they’re human beings not toys. Also at least I’m being honest, I’m not going to sit there on a date and sell a guy a dream that we’re gonna have kids when actually no one can guarantee that. You could meet the love of your life and want a family but not be able to conceive one, so the reality is you have to be happy with the person and the idea that it may just be the two of you. Like I said life doesn’t always work out as planned. Also what does that have to do with being sheep? 😂 like I’m sorry, using logical thinking around the future and using life experience as a basis for that is not being a sheep. It’s called critical thinking and rationalising. And lastly what are you on about being bitter. There’s no bitterness between me and anyone my age. I have friends my age, I get on with people I work with that are my age, I tend to choose to date older however because older men are more mature and less wishy washy.
I love how somehow you’ve managed to try and spin a question I had in a way where I’m the one who doesn’t know what I want just because I’m not sure about kids yet the guys I avoid dating are exactly because they don’t even know whether they want a relationship. You are a prime example of why I don’t date guys my age. Instead of listening to my valid points you’re just getting argumentative and going int things the question wasn’t even about. The question never involved anything to do with me having children or the guy in dating wanting more children and somehow you managed to make it an issue when it’s not. Strange.
ignore sister and almost always ignore parents too.
You are over 18 and you don't need anyone's validation
It’s not validation I’m looking for. Obviously my sister has my best interests at heart so I’m going to listen to her input.