I’ve been asking my boyfriend to call me for a few days after he said last week he’d call me on Monday but never did. I asked him throughout the week but he is always out with his friends. Today I mentioned how it was beginning to upset me and he promised he’d call tonight. An hour ago he told me he is going to a party. He’s not lying as I have his location, but I am now extremely upset as he let me down again. I don’t know what to say or do anymore.
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LDR are quite difficult in terms of getting time to be together and talk, texting or calling perhaps. So, first I think you could sending him a text explaining how you have felt because you couldn’t talk and how that made you sad, it was something you were counting with and did not happen, so it makes sense and it is valid. But don’t try to make him explain what he was doing or going in that way - he will feel confronted by you and even if there is some part of him that feels sorry and regrets he will not feel good to talk in those terms. First of all, tell how you feel, but try to be understanding. Now you can't make him see you are ignoring the situation and that it can happen all the time. He might have had time to be busy, even if you don’t want to admit LDR are relationships where you really feel you are living different things, experiences and trying to put it all together when you are talking and coexisting. It is hard, but something that can be solved with communication and honesty. All I’m all, good luck and I’m sure it will be better
I’ve explained how I feel several
times and he just says he’s sorry and that’s it.
And it can seem unfair the fact that those moments you said you would be together didn’t come. Although it is an option to see it as a problem or a challenge with a solution. Talk and try to understand his point of view while you are trying to make yours understood
He is sorry and doesn’t change his actions? Is it a particular moment that you have noticed now? Or is it like that for some time? What does he say? Does he still text you normally tho?
he says he is sorry but the actions don’t change. For example he’ll say “I promise I’ll call you tonight” and then 6pm comes around and he either is out with friends or partying. He still texts normally unless he’s out
Above all, in any kind of relationship you need to feel okay with who you are and with your boundaries. You don’t have to give it all and receive nothing. But also, there might be a time when he needs time for himself, but may not be expressing it correctly. Make sure to understand why he is being like that, by communicating openly and being direct. No games, no revenge, try to be understanding to make your conclusions and decide. And no matter what, what he does isn’t an excuse to be the same way, even if it seems fair.
he needs time to party every night? lol
Tell him how you feel. Be direct. If he doesn’t get it and makes promises he doesn’t value, then you are way better alone than with him
Ofc he doesn’t. And ofc you should be a priority if the relationship is a priority. So, try to understand what the hell is going on
But also, what would you feel if you were in his situation. It is really unfair and quite a stupid action and behavior from his side. But you can be better and save several headaches. But that is my perspective in how to handle situations like this. It worked for me. Doesn’t work with everyone. And yet there are several situations that piss me off. But it is a matter of what you see as a future in it. Is it worth it? Is it something you can tolerate or be good with? If you can answer this questions you will have your conclusions
well.. he also went out with what he said was a friend a few weeks ago who i found out was a female friend lol. my trust is pretty much out the window at this point since he wasn’t transparent about that either 😅
all in all, a relationship is effort from both sides. Sometimes one has to give more than the other, because things happen and we are not always good with it. But instead of feeling sad/disappointment/mad/frustrated the best way, in my opinion to handle things is to communicate openly and assertively about what you feel. What you see in the relationship. What is wrong but also what is good. Is it worth it? Should you change some boundaries? For example: instead of scheduling calls why not saying a moment where we think we can and spontaneously do it. Share how you feel but don’t close up. Ofc that everyone has a limited patience. If you see you are done, then there is no turning back and you are doing what is the right for you. Always direct, open and with your intentions known.
i’ve tried the spontaneous thing too…same bs lol
Okay, talk about it. Confront him, but not in a judge way. Talk about your feelings, your perspective on things, how you view it. It can be different from his form of view. But you can conclude after listening to him. But just because he is ignoring you doesn’t mean you should ignore him to if you want some clarity in what is going on
what happened?
the same reply “i’m going out tonight”
or “i’m getting dinner i’ll call u after” which never happens
I feel you and trust me, I understand what you are going through. Above all, in this situation and in any case you have to put yourself first. See what is the best for you and don’t mind if someone is getting hurt.
i’m just tired of wasting my breath and crying all the time
Okay, let me be honest, I’d give him that final text if you are ready for what it is to come if he doesn’t explain and be sincere about it. You can really tell him about your suspicions about that friend. It isn’t toxic, it is your perception and you need something to understand
Hey, you don’t have to tolerate this. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t trust you to share stuff or to do the minimum that is explain why he is off
i know…it’s just hard.
and no crying, no thinking how good you were together and how sad it is to see it as an end (if it comes to that). You are your best when honest with yourself. If he is cheating or ignoring you, well you gave him your time. He lost it. You tried to understand. He didn’t get that. So, you were even understanding. Take care of you because no one is telling you your value. When we met and separated I literally cried so much that the Uber driver asked me if I wanted his number. (OH WELL) and gave myself two hours to let it all out. Did not talk to anyone, but I would have loved to. Two hours and that was it. Because we were distanced again. So, for your own sanity, put yourself first
And like, at the end of the day, it is normal to get to know other people and connect with different and new ones. Because, you are apart even if you really wish you were together. It is sad, but let’s face the reality. Sometimes it is just not enough. Sometimes you don’t know how long you will take it. But always, prioritize your own good being. And honestly is the key. Communicate and be ready for everything. How worse can it get? What is in the past is in the past. The way you perceive it is what matters. See it as a lesson. See it as an opportunity to grow
you are fighting for you, got to met him by accident and fell in love. It was all roses in the beginning, mess came after. It isn’t a crazy thing to happen. You tried, you fought, you tried to listen, be there. Not valued? Oh honey, you are your own best friend and worst enemy. Choose to be your best friend almost always
I hope you will be okay :)
if you ever need to talk, feel free to send me a dm here
can’t pm u. but yea still not valued much lol
lol unfortunately after the incident with the “friend” a few weeks ago our relationship became rocky
then, well, you might have your answer
i said if he were straight up about the meeting then things would’ve been different. trust is broken.
well, i think you did what you could do. Like, loving him can be amazing (without trust issues and not by him not being direct) but it relies on a choice. If you see it as a choice, because it is, you will see it either as a way to understand him again and/or forgive him or give it an end and see what is the best for you. Yo u can call it. But don’t be like him. Don’t hide and don’t play games. Be direct about it. It might sound a “final” choice either to continue or to end it, but it is what you think it is the best for you.
by the way if you need to dm me, i can give u an account @_didyouknow_b which is practically quite off, but we can talk in insta if you want. It looks shady, because doesn’t have any followers, but i just erased everything there to do smth different. Since i still don’t have it, we can talk there
I say forget that guy, because you are obviously not a priority in his life.
😔 he ignored me all day
Then it’s time to ignore him.
Exactly