What are some downsides and upsides of having a relationship with large age gap?

Question

I would never imagine asking this question, but life is unpredictable.

I am currently interested in someone very nice and we plan to go on our 3rd date next week. It’s just a beginning and I don’t have my hopes high, but I am wondering about the age gap.

The age gap between us is quite big though, he’s almost 20 years older than me.

I wonder, if we pass all these dating stages and if everything goes well, what are some difficulties I might come across?

Also, I don’t have any father issues and I am very fond of young men, it’s just I got disappointed with the young man I was engaged to and decided to give a chance to an older man, who’s managed to impress me in many ways, by his smartness, attentiveness, classiness, sophistication, maturity and on top of that with his attractive looks.

What I like the most is, unlike lots of younger men he knows what he wants in life and personal relationships and shows the effort, honesty and directness and doesn’t make me want to become a mind reader to know what he thinks. It’s much less tiresome for me.

Guido · Accepted Answer

There are certainly pros and cons. You are a beautiful young woman and from an older man's perspective, it is a huge boost to his self esteem to be dating somebody like you. With age comes wisdom as he has been in the dating game for many years and knows how to lay on the charm. While he might say he is looking for long term love and commitment, it could be part if his charm to get you into bed.

From what I have read in your posts, you are a woman of very high moral values and are not looking for a fling.

From your perspective, you will find his maturity appealing. He will be well established, solid job, perhaps owning a home and at this age have some mutual things you enjoy. For a long term relationship, think of having children let's say by the time your 30, he will be 50 and when the kids are growing up, he will be wanting to retire but won't be able to because he has a family to support. When it comes to activities, he will not be able to do the things with the kids that an older father would do with his kids. I had my kids when I was in my mid 20's and I think now at 64 and think now about doing the things I did with them and physically could not do them. As much as I would want to, I simply could not.

In 20 years you will be in the prime if your life and he will be wanting to relax and enjoying retirement.

It's a common fact that women outlive most men so when you are 65 and retiring, you will in all likelihood be alone or caring for an old man I stead of enjoying the life you built together over the years.

I have seen older guys have kids late in life and I feel sorry for the kids as they do not have a father that does the things with them younger fathers do with their kids.

When it comes to a physical relationship, I'm my mid 60s, I cannot do the things I did and enjoyed in my mid 40s. My brain thinks I can but age, health issues and the inability to move the way I used to make it impossible.

Most large age different relationships do not survive long term and are mostly flings that provide both parties with some of the things they are seeking in the short term but not for the long haul. I don't think you are the type of woman that wants a short term sexual fling unless your values are changing and you want some experiences before uou settle down.

You are a beautiful young woman and are sure to catch the eye of many men both older and younger. Be sure you think things through from all perspectives and make your decisions based on what you want.

You make me wish I was 35-40 years younger!

magiusX26 · Accepted Answer

some possible pros and cons. take that as a warning of some on one list can contradict the other list due to not everyone being the same or having the same perspective/view. done from the older one's (male) side.

pros:
grateful for the attentions of a younger woman

a deeper pool of patience for her to learn things

more finacially stable than some younger men

wisdom on more subjects

better connections in a community

already has a home for a future wife to nest in

even if not already a parent, has more experience in raising children (nieces and nephews [from siblings or even close friends] )

has more experience in marriage and relationships so better at not making mistakes of the heart

knows his limits, wants, desires (this can also be a con)

knows how to please her in bed

knows how to entertain her outside of sexual relations

already passed through any "midlife crisis" bullshit

more direct communication (can also be a con)

more effective communication

(depending on his age) retired so has more time to focus on you and the relationship

cool (non sexual) toys to play with (electronics and vehichles)

cool stories

not as hot headed and trying to randomly prove himself or his worth

cons:

bitter about relationships/women

going through some "midlife crisis" bs

earned a bad reputation in one or more communities

constantly trying to prove his worth to you, by being reckless (trying to compete with younger men even if its pointless to do so)

broke as fuck (maybe a previous marriage or 2 took everything from him)

suspicious of you attentions and/or intentions

has little to no patience

less likely to compromise on many things

has ex wives

has children (your age or older/younger)

has more emotional baggage

unwilling to share cool toys

unwilling to give you access to his resources

catarecute · Accepted Answer

i would say there is a reason why he is still dating at his age and a younger person, maybe he has defaults you havn't see yet. in my experience older men who arnt married and yet think they can pull of a younger woman think they are something they are not and are entitled and one day they end up breaking with you even though you are way to good for them they think the opposite. that just my experience of them.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

I don't see any upsides to this. If things get serious it's very likely that he will die in about 20-30 years which will leave you widowed in your 50s

Avicenna · Answer

Upsides:

-access to a different perspective (not something necessarily unique to age gap relationships)

-access to someone you may in fact be more compatible with than might be assumed from your age

Downsides: Disapproval from society, being at very different stages in life (neither of those is unique to age gap relationships though)

Friendlybro79 · Answer

You definitely stated some of the upsides so that's good that you understand that for yourself. The downsides are you're at different stages of your life. Now if you tend to be an old soul this might work out good. That said old soul for you is 40s lol. For him if he's an old soul that would be like Sr age ha.

So if he's young at heart and you're and old soul this could be great for both of you.

Downsides. I guess some people might have comments for the age gap like friends and family. It's possible in public people could confuse you for father and daughter. These things are manageable if you're strong minded and your relationship is worth it.

Worst case in my opinion is you get married and you have to accept that most likely he's going to leave you a widow sooner than most. Life is short but this could be a great reminder to make every day and every second count. Also, if one day you get married the idea of kids needs to be discussed (before you dedicate your life together)

It's just a third date but I suggest if it starts to get serious, talk to each other because it will help set the stage for open, honest communication.

Finchie40 · Answer

Don’t sweat the age gap , most older men like younger girls , so age doesn’t really mean shit when it comes to most guys that have a beautiful girl wanting him , so if you really like this guy , you are best to be yourself , and make him feel wanted and valued and appreciated , Most of us guys want a girl that values us and looks up to us , that only has eyes for us , that doesn’t hesitate keeping a smile on his face , that shows she is loyal and faithful to him , that doesn’t flirt with other Guy’s Most guy’s just want a girl to want him only , it will boost his ego and he will feel like he is walking on clouds of you make him your top priority

Fireguy17 · Answer

Not much in common., bad
He dies first with a large life insurance policy leaving you plenty of time to try to spend it good.
You have to change his adult diaper when he is old, bad.
He will sleep a lot and not bother you. good
He retires and you still have to work. bad

Andres77 · Answer

Upside (generally) maturity, experience, settled (not flighty or indecisive), financially stable.

downside, different perspectives, no patience for the idiotic things happening in todays culture, differing tastes in art (movies, music), at different points in life (you might want kids but he’s already got a bad back).

Grond21 · Answer

As long as both parties are mature, have clear visions for what they want, and most importantly know how to build a healthy relationship, then there is no issue

molonski2 · Answer

Its closer to 15 years , and no negatives , plenty of positives , no problem.

Drewtate · Answer

For women an older man can provide more maturity, experience, financial security etc than a younger man.

I prefer to date younger. I've dated older women and seems like the older the are thr more problems they got and higher maintenance they are

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Upside: He will probably have more money than you.

Downsides: He won't look as attractive when he was younger, his energy levels won't match yours, he might suffer from ED, he most likely will die before you.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Upside; the difference in life experiences makes for a more interesting interaction. Downside: the difference in life experiences provides a bigger obstacle to overcome.

Sparkie460 · Answer

Don't worry about the age gap. If you both like each other, who cares about age.

Iron_Man · Answer

Nothing wrong at all. Everything is perfect and we’re happy.

Mallic00 · Answer

Lady don't think about it too much, if it works it works. Age for the most part means jack shit when it comes to how compatible you are.

shortster · Answer

10-15 year age gaps are the ideal relationships. That gap allows you two to be completely complementary of one another.

Jennz6 · Answer

I am really not sure

Alex8736 · Answer

Age is only a number unless one of them is a minor

Yellovv · Answer

Is he 46 years old?

What are some downsides and upsides of having a relationship with large age gap?

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