Serous question ladies, what are your expectation when you turn to online dating?

[DaveJord]

I been online now for almost three years. Lots of ladies out there with incredibly complicated and busy lives. From the single working mom with three kids, to woman working more than one job, to their living arrangements, to having highly regimented schedules and lives.

Like if Monday you got Soccer practice with the kids have, Tuesday is Band night, Wednesday is yoga and line dancing, and Thursday is cross fit and run 50 miles, and Friday is chill night, because Saturday you work, and Sunday is honestly the only day you have open, and then oh yeah there are the kids and your job.

Like if you are not looking to hook up, or a freinds with benefits situation... like why come online, when making a coffee date would require you to rearrange your entire schedule?

Why did you come online to meet men, what is it you are really looking for?

[Hawkes_Lady]

What are my "expectations" when going onto an online dating website? That it is pretty much a hook-up "fuck buddy" site. It is so hot studs to semi-athletic dudes can hook up with hot chicks to semi-hot chicks for a night of hard fucks that only costs the price of dinner instead of paying for a prostitute.

What I "want" it to be is a place for the everyday average Jack and Jill to have real-life expectations of finding a nice, responsible, dependable, trustworthy, and honest person to go out for coffee, maybe a nice casual lunch or dinner in a nice (but not break the bank expensive) restaurant (I am talking like an Olive Garden), or maybe out to a nice bar that has a dance floor where we can make fools of ourselves dancing the night away.

I would hope that it would lead to finding that we have great chemistry together, which would lead to more dates and then hopefully to the bedroom. And if the action in the bedroom was as great as what led us there, then that would lead to a long-term commitment (whatever that looks like for us), I would hope that it was marriage... but I don't know that I necessarily need a piece of paper to cement a commitment.

[DaveJord]

So you expectation of the Jack and Jill... was exactly my expectations when I started out. But for men it seems to be a bunch of single working moms or middle-aged divorcees. So between working full time, and their three children's that they have full time... like they have no time to be dating.

So as guy, it turns into a hook up situation... like she can only break away from her extremely busy life, for maybe a day or two a month at best. Thats not dating honestly, so what's the expectation?

[DaveJord]

I will give you a MHO because you are woman that took it seriously and gave a good response. Thank you.

[Hawkes_Lady]

@DaveJord Thanks for the MHO! To be honest, I have found every dating website to be just like the next one. And they all fall into the first category I described. Although, to be fair it isn't just attractive people, but it is just a place for people to hook up for sex as far as I can tell.

I would hope that if you were putting yourself on a dating site, you would have babysitters already set up and in place so that you could schedule a date. Maybe have your family step in and help you get the kids to their activities or maybe take them for a slumber party at Uncle Matt's house so you can go out on a date.

Personally, at this point in my life, I could do the dating website. My children are grown and capable of taking care of themselves. I have a job and responsibilities but I am an adult that can delegate and schedule things so that I can go out for the night.

In my opinion, if you put yourself on a dating website, but can't pull yourself away from your children, job, and other responsibilities... you don't really want to be in a relationship.

[Hawkes_Lady]

@DaveJord If I really give an honest opinion. My expectation is that I want to meet for coffee, and see if we can find anything to actually talk about. Maybe take our coffee to the park and sit and people-watch as we find what things we have in common. Personally, I like the idea of going Dutch for a few lunches or dinners, because I've never thought it fair that the guy has to pay for the whole date. After the first few dates, if they went well and we felt like continuing to see each other, then maybe go bowling, go to a movie, a fair, or a festival outing, maybe you pay for some things and I pay for others.

That is what my expectations would be.

[Yunakim]

The dating concept as a whole is fully based on trust and loyality , no matter it is online or offline.

[DaveJord]

Agreed

[Longshanks1968]

The dating process is to determine if the couple likes each other enough to move into a more serious relationship and at that point is when trust honesty and more begin to build

[DaveJord]

@Longshanks1968 Yup agreed.

[Anonymous]

I've found there are 2 types of women online and they are NOT remotely the same.

Woman #1 has very reasonable expectations. There's no need to message her, she'll message you. She'll tell you when and where she wants to meet. She hold up her end of the conversation and then some. She maintains positivity at all times.

Woman #2 is she even there? Is she reading anything you write her. If she does respond it's short 1 sentence responses. She doesn't respond to much of what you say until you hit upon something that truly piques her interest them she asks you about a dozen in depth, probing questions, bordering on rude. When she gets the answer she wants (or didn't want... who knows), then she evaporates like a cloud and you'll never hear from her again. No goodbye, nothing.

So to answer your question there's probably about 5% of women #1 and about 95% of women number #2 (aptly labeled women #2).

I think those women that are women number 1 truly are looking for a partner and are willing to put forth the effort to make that happen. I think woman #2's expectation is just entertainment.

[DaveJord]

So yes, there are women out there the use online dating in the right way. They are more than willing ot exchange numbers and make dates.

To me the 1st type of woman, and they are rare. My theory is because they do not stay online long, you have hit them at the right time... and but at the same times there like 30 of dude probably messaging her.

The second type is the one that's very responsive in chat and responding but whenever you try to get number or date, they turn very vague and none committal and then the very next day they are messaging you want to talk.

[AviatorTom]

I know your question is aimed at women but none have answered yet, so let me give you a guy's opinion.

After my divorce, I did some online dating on a couple different dating sites. I found that there are 4 types of women online:

1. Women who are too shy to go out and meet a guy. They may have a discussion with you online but you two will never meet.

2. Women looking to have sex. They're pretty easy to notice.

3. Women looking to have fun. Noting serious. Just some fun dates, maybe a free meal or two.

4. Women looking for a relationship.

Based on my experience, I did meet a few #2, several #3 and one #4 ... ended up being my SO.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, more less that's my experience... I no longer do the meal dates until the 2nd or 3rd dates. Because I am not spending 50 to 70 bucks without expectations. So, let's keep it at a cup of coffee until I get to know you better... if you convince me, you are seriously interested then paying for meals without sex is perfectly fine.

[midnightmoon05]

Proper courtship leading to marriage. That’s what I got in my 20s.
second marriage, as a single mom with 2 kids. Same - dated now married to someone I met on gag.
it amazes me how everyone is so “busy” and their schedule is so full!! (The women at my job)
I want a fun, easy and no stress life and that’s what I brought to the table in my relationship/marriage.

Have fun out there…don’t stay too long, learn what’s out there…get out as fast as you can other wise those women will drain you!

[Anonymous]

Online dating doesn't work for me. Also I know girls online (majority of them) are timid especially white girls. They will block you if you are not a white guy. No matter how much you be gentleman for them. Even if had no interaction with them they are super racist and super coward.

[DaveJord]

Yeah I can see that white girl thing, I mean they do it to white guys to... but definitely being black would through an additional wrinkle into the mixe.

For record I am a white guy, but going through what I have been through definitely would not make it any easier. But in all fairness, I have never got a single response back from any black woman... but yes, I am contacting 3 to 1 white chicks, but again there seems to be three whites to ever one black chick... not the less black woman has given me zero time or effort.

[Libidononexistenteww]

So true if no time don’t sign up. Like when men r all talk

[DaveJord]

I used to live by that rule, but then there is nobody online to date... so you turn into the this hook up guy over time slowly without knowing it.

[Nikki1989]

I have never been that desperate to go the online route, but if I did, I would expect the very worst.

[Longshanks1968]

You are a Debbie Downer, “Never be that desperate” wow how great are you?
And you would expect the very worst?
I have met hundreds of women online and there are losers but there are some pretty damn good people out there. I'm still very good friends with at least a dozen of them to this day, some of whom I consider some of the best friends I have.
So, I think that your input here is invalid as you haven't got a clue about the situation or the people involved.

[DaveJord]

I agree people go online as a last resort. No doubt... but you live in rural area at my again (47) the population of eligible ladies is low. So, there is no shame in it, but agreed meeting ladies any other way would be preferred.

But the number one reason online dating works on some level is that everyone online is there for a reason and looking for something... yes, the vast majority of them you would never want to meet. But the better you get at it the better quality of person you can find.

There some quality people online, it's true. But you can't be a jackass about it.

[Longshanks1968]

Last resort, hell no it was my number one go to

[DaveJord]

@Longshanks1968 Well these days it's my go to as well.

[Longshanks1968]

These couple of years its been different, there so many bots and fake bitche trying to scam money

[DaveJord]

@Longshanks1968 Yup, if they can not or are not willing to meet in person after week or two, move on. That in person meet is the most important step in any type of relationship.

[msc545]

I think most of them are looking for unicorns...

[DaveJord]

I almost used unicorns in my question, like an imaginary animal that does not really exist...

Watch like no women will respond to this question.

[Hawkes_Lady]

Sorry @DaveJord to disappoint, but here I am, a woman giving her opinion. Although, if you hadn't made the comment above I probably would have kept looking for other questions since I gave up on dating websites a long time ago.

[DaveJord]

@Hawkes_Lady Thanks, that the thing. You had a chance to give a real opinion but didn't, but then are disappointed.

[MissBoogus]

I expected to find a boyfriend