In love with a fearful avoidant phone sex operator?

[lover_calling]

I’m a 39 year old trucker who’s been calling a paid phone sex line. 18 months ago, a new girl came online so I gave her a try. We found we have stuff in common so I call just for conversation, not sex.

She began revealing information to me like name and city. She gives me free minutes to keep talking after the calls had ended. She gave me her email address and we would communicate that way for free sometimes. We exchange dick/boob pics.

Eventually, she gave me enough information to look her up online. Everything was true! I emailed her that I canceled my account, I was able to look her up, and I would be traveling through her town in two days. She responded that she didn’t mind that she likes talking to me, she doesn’t mind that I looked her up because, and she would be busy that day but next time I’m in town she’d like to meet.

We exchange Telegram accounts and start talking and texting there. A month goes by and I’ll be in her town again. She says she'll let me know about hanging out that day. She doesn’t. I get anxious and take a STUPID gamble to and tell her where I am and to blow me. She blocks me.

I send her an apology email and she accepts and unblocks me but nothing after that. Three months later, I email her a question about the site. We email back and forth a few times. I pay for a call. That was two weeks ago. We email but nothing like we were before.

I REALLY like this girl. I think she liked me and that’s why she revealed herself. But I think I blew my chances with my vulgar comment. I can’t spend another six months rebuilding the trust, but I’m worried if I tell her I like her now, she will be doubtful and shut me down.

She is 32 and 350 pounds (I don’t care but she might). She was abused as kid and has been married twice already (first husband committed suicide, second was gay). She has a low body count but low self esteem. I’m good looking and stable. Both of us very brainy.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I'm not here to goof around, ima be foreal, she seems kinda distant from what youve said and that is normally not a good sign, she gave you contact information so that's a bit of trust from her part which is good but I recommend having her open up a bit more about herself cause what's the deepest conversation y'all had? If it's only ex talk and sex talk then she's being careful with what she's opening up to you about and that can go south quick so I say get deep, a way into a woman's heart is by making her feel special , mostly with broken women, start by asking about her hobbies and see what she's into, if you show interest in her interests it opens a new perspective about you in her mind, she will know you aren't just in it for nudes or phone sex or whatever, if she continues with deep and personal conversations then you'll know she isn't just in it for the money of course, if y'all haven't spoken in a while I'd say put in the effort to contact her first, if you are still in her mind, I'm sure she's waiting for the effort because normally that makes them feel special as well when you put effort in for them, id also say if you visit her again, if she doesn't initiate sexually, don't do it either, if she believes you are just using her this action of meeting her and not initiating in anything sexual will knock that off completely because you went there for her and not her pussy, building a connection is emotional, Not physical, if you make the connection with her stronger, you'll surely notice it, best of luck bro

[smashleyy]

You’re 100% sure she’s real and not scamming? I myself am a fearful avoidant and from what I’ve learned about it is our betrayal wound is big so trust is huge, actions have to match words. FA’s Need to be seen, known, understood, and a big one accepted for who they are. You’ve made it clear she has low self esteem so maybe reassurance would go a long way. But I don’t recommend dating a FA if they aren’t actively trying to better themselves and aren’t self aware. You would just be hurting yourself. You should watching dr Sarah Hensley’s vids on tiktok to have a better understanding of her. I thought I was anxious attachment style before watching her vids

[lover_calling]

Thank for your thoughtful reply.
I don’t do tiktok, but I have been watching Heidi Priebe and Pauline Timmer on YouTube. Their videos are how I kind of “diagnosed” this woman.

As for possible scamming, that was my thought all along (I was calling her once an hour, once a month, for six months). Until I found her real identity online, told her about it, and she gave me her Telegram and phone number to keep talking/texting for free. I mean, at that point what would the scam be? Nothing illegal if I know her identity and not to milk me out of money if she is talking for free at this point, right?

If there was any “scam” it was just that she wanted a guy she felt a connection with to like her and see how far he would pursue her.
FWIW, I am a decent looking guy, can hold an intelligent conversation and am financially stable. These are all things she said she has had a hard time finding in her area.

What I think happened is she deep down wants a relationship but is scared from her past two, plus image issues and her childhood, making her hesitant to go about it in the real world (FA traits).

She met me on the service, liked me and wanted to see where it would go. I got real anxious when I didn’t hear back that day and said something that (understandably) scared her off and confirmed all her worst fears.

Now I’m not going to degrade myself by returning to “client” status. But I also understand it may take time to rebuild the trust and don’t want to be relegated to friend status.

I know this sounds delusional lol. But if you really think about it, is it so far-fetched?

And yes, I would be willing to go at her pace and work with her FA traits. I REALLY like her personality and beliefs.

[Anonymous]

A sucker is born every minute. She saw you coming. 🤦‍♀️

The funniest part of this, though is your quote, “both of us very brainy.”

Just too funny.

[lover_calling]

That was my suspicion at first too, except that she kept communicating with me for a month after I canceled my membership. If she was just trying to milk me for money, why do that?

[scentoflavender]

I hope you find happiness.

[Anonymous]

That’s just ridiculous. That’s not a girlfriend.

[boobliker]

she will take all your money and more