Girls, are nerdy guys serious turn off?

[Anonymous]

I am a grad student (physics) whose hobbies are nerdy. I like pottery and arts, writing, am very good at cooking, and volunteer at animal shelters. So far never had a single girlfriend. Girls only show interest when they want some help with fixing their computers, or help with their studies. But they get disgusted seeing me or even being friends, relationships are far from being imagined.

Most around my age want cool guys, with cars, and bikes who love partying. I spend a lot of my free money/time on helping those animals. I tend to bond with them more as I didn't have that many friends growing up and mostly played with pets.

[lilithsgarden]

Quite frankly, I really like „nerdy“ guys. It‘s attractive when someone has many interests and is good at them. Your description of yourself seems like one of a very attractive person. You probably just haven‘t met the right girls, that appreciate you for you. You can be very confident & self-assured with all of your amazing qualities. People that have a lot of interests & have a rather unconventional view of life have it harder to find someone as unique as them. Because those type of people are rare & not everyone can appreciate them as they should.

[Asker]

Generally, I am not blaming anyone but I have always seen it's the exact opposite guys girls are heavily attracted to. I never had a single girlfriend, gets ghosted, blocked, and treated poorly than the guys I know who are more into hookup and partying. I have always seen even the nerdy girls in class like them only. One of such guy was even complaing that he was having it hard manageing so much attention. They take girls to clubs, and expensive restaurants, and buy them stuff where I use that money for animals and charities. To find someone I have to be a guy like them or be forever lonely as I am still a virgin and most girls even run after hearing that. I can't be such a cool guy and kinda given up on dating anymore.

[lilithsgarden]

I‘m being honest with you here. Your attitude towards this & where you put your attention to will affect how you view dating & women. It‘s called the Pygmalion-Effect. I believe that If you really saw who you truly are, with all of your qualities & your whole personality, you‘d attract exactly what you are looking for. Your mindset towards some things also seems a bit blocked because of all the experiences you‘ve gathered. But there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, there is nothing wrong with not providing a lavish lifestyle etc. Also „cool guy“ is subjective, I‘d also define you as a cool guy & there is no need to put yourself down. See yourself as who you are & know your worth. Dating doesn‘t look the same for everyone & that‘s fine, because we are all different.

[Asker]

We can talk about psychological stuff effects, and many other theoretical conjectures but real life is always different. In reality, girls did ghost me after hearing virgins on dates or made fun. I don't think I am personally uncool. I know and can do a lot of things that anyone can ever imagine. but those never work in dating life. Most women actually don't like academic men or they see intelligence as a way of making more money, hence attractive. But actual scientists are the opposite, most scientists are actually poor till very late in life. Here girls only want certain types of fun men. One girl told me that guys like me are only good after thirty.
At my age, I will never know about carefree puppy young love anymore. If anyone ever wants to date in the future it's purely for settlement, not actual love. That's my biggest fear.

[petitedollbabee]

More like a turn on. But hobbies can only tell you so much about a person - personality matters greatly too. Personality aside, I would much rather be with someone with hobbies like yours, than be with someone obsessed with cars/bikes and partying.

[Asker]

Generally, I am not blaming anyone but I have always seen it's the exact opposite guys girls are heavily attracted to. I never had a single girlfriend, gets ghosted, blocked, and treated poorly than the guys I know who are more into hookup and partying. I have always seen even the nerdy girls in class like them only. One of such guy was even complaing that he was having it hard manageing so much attention. They take girls to clubs, and expensive restaurants, and buy them stuff where I use that money for animals and charities. To find someone I have to be a guy like them or be forever lonely as I am still a virgin and most girls even run after hearing that. I can't be such a cool guy and kinda given up on dating anymore.

[shuzen]

How is pottery a nerdy hobby? I see it as nerdy if you know Geography or sleep with a rubik cube by your bed. (None of these are bad, but seriously when has art become nerdy?)

[Asker]

But I do know about geography and history, actually a lot sometimes more than history professors even though it's not my subject, can read Latin. The definition of nerdy entices someone with a keen interest in subjects. But in reality, nowadays you are either an outgoing party dude, rider, or someone who stays at home doing some creative stuff. Most party dudes that I have seen so far had no creative hobby or interest, whether it was art or science. Maybe it's a generalization but it's my experience so far. Girls in my age group seemed to always prefer them. During Masters, I cooked for one girl at university (who was giving hints that she liked me, even said so) for months. Later she went with a biker party dude saying that she love riding and actually finds my kinda guy boring.

[shuzen]

Try to save such intimate acts for a person you are official with. Show interest, communicate, etc, of course, but cooking for someone before clearing the situation between you two? It's not good. Why is everything so vague nowadays, it's my biggest annoyment (new word alert... maybe).

Yes that part is nerdy, art is usually artsy haha. But nerdy is good, but like I said... communicate and define clearly before giving too much.

For me, nerdy is good, a turn off is cowardness and vagueness. Maybe that guy was actually bold and told her, hey, I like you, let's try something. But yeah, despite that I wouldn't date a party guy no matter how bold if he lacks depth.
Complicated. But general rule for self respect: don't do girlfriend boyfriend etc stuff with someone who is not clearly that for you. Otherwise, cooking for a loved one is beautiful, keep going but with that filter on.

[Asker]

I never had a girlfriend. She told me she would be after a few months but at that time she was taking time to heal from her past. Girls were never good to me, they only talked when they needed help fixing computers/assignments kinda stuff. Yes, I have learned a lot of lessons, but these days I will not help any human. That's why I only volunteer with pet shelters as I was always good with any kinda animal.

[shuzen]

Because you gave too much to whom was not in official terms with you. Give only to people you trust, not empty promises for the future. Don't be a victim and close yourself off, that is easy. You gotta discern who is worth it, by not rushing or believing you are their healer or stuff. Build friendship first. I am very straightforward but if you make posts like these saying you don't care anymore, it's obviously a lie.

Animals are the best anyway and I love them forever.

[Monalisa77]

Id probably like you but you must at least smile

[fonduegirl]

Nah. Sounds wonderful to me.

[Asker]

I don't know but in reality, I have always seen the opposite. I am not too flirty but from time to time can be shy.

[fonduegirl]

People tend to assume shyness as a sign of low self esteem. Which is, most often than not, untrue.

[catarecute]

no they are cool

[Akam93]

Are you bad looking?

[Asker]

I don't exactly know. I think I am average-looking. But don't have muscles but slim. My metabolism is too high and getting muscles can be difficult and I don't like gyms. Some people called me attractive but I tend to dress very modestly. But I am short,5'6".

[Akam93]

Define slim? How much do you weigh?

[Asker]

132 pounds

[Akam93]

That's skinner than me. I'm sure you will find someone someday. :) stay positive.

[Asker]

Yeah, but I will never get to experience young love anymore. Most girls do have plenty of relationships and they don't wanna deal with virgins, even if they do I am afraid it will never be real love but they just wanna settle.