Girl I dated briefly said she wanted to take it slow but I felt that she lied me. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

I dated a co worker for about a month and a half and from the get go she said that she likes to take things slow which can be a red flag for some but i wanted to be mature about it and i accepted that considering they came out of a long term relationship that was abusive according to her. We talked and got to know each other and i really started getting butterflies and feelings for her but she would always blow hot and cold and i never really knew where i stood.

Somewhere down the line i found out that she had sent nudes to 2 other co workers and she slept with another way before i was even employed there. Once i found this out i couldnt keep my cool and whenever i would get a chance to discuss the situation or how im feeling she always seemed to have a bad situation going on in her life which would make me seem like an asshole or being too pushy if i was to bring it up at that time. There was one day specifically where i was struggling with my thoughts and i didn't reply to a text she sent and the very next day she just straight up said you dont want to talk to me no more? Needless to say i lost my cool and let out all of my thoughts onto her in text and she called me childish and shut down claiming im pushing.

The first date was drinks and a movie and so was the 2nd date both dates were ok but there wasn't much communication or even simple intimacy like a hug or kiss and she initiated the dates but i felt like i was walking on eggshells and she was being cold with me the entire time. I dont care about a womans past but when someone says they like to take things slow and you find out that it was far from true with other people it makes me wonder wether they say me as a secure man and didn't want to screw things up with me thinking id run away or they was just using me for emotional comfort. I keep beating myself up thinking if i just kept my cool maybe she would of opened up and been more intimate in time. My friends only advice is fuck the bitch... Not helping

[SueShe]

Knowing that she has absolutely no dignity and self-esteem, that she sends nudes to anyone wanting them and that she is so superficial, I really must wonder why you have not distanced yourself from her the second you found out who she was in reality.

I also wonder if you actually only wanted to fornicate with her but not to get into a serious relationship.

As a guy, you should probably have realized a long time ago that when a girl tells you that "she wants to take it slow", it simply means no copulation on the first 3 dates.

Honestly, I fail to see why you hold onto her, knowing all that. She is certainly not the type of person I would trust to be decent.

[Asker]

I lack confidence and she was attractive i asked her out and it was tough but she accepted at first so it was a big ego boost for me i won't deny that, but sex wasn't the only thing i was thinking about yes that is a bonus but if i was just attracted to her looks i would try that with other women. She got me hooked due to her victim mentality and she seemed to have an introverted nature to her and i felt we were compatible. Ofcourse that was before i found out about her true character. I have a fixer type of personality so thats why i didn't distance myself sooner and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but although i did cut it off with her with out last contact it has emotionally blunted my self worth. Thanks for the constructive feedback you are right i just need to have more self respect and see the signs quicker and be more vocal for next time.

[SueShe]

Confidence and self-respect, self-worth and dignity should have your top priority when dating. You don't want to abandon those in favor of anyone that does not deserve you for whom you are.

You can build up confidence by practicing in front of a mirror. Never forget that a confident person achieves better than one that lacks it. Good luck.

[Jasmin01]

Even though the girl may have exaggerated a bit in the past, it's not necessarily a bad thing if she wants to take it slow. Maybe she believes she made mistakes in the past that she doesn't want to repeat now. You should still be patient. Whether you will actually become a COUPLE is anyone's guess.

[Asker]

The situation between us is over as i mentioned i completely understand taking things slow but she was always being hot one second and cold another as another commenter said i felt like she was leading me on and i brought it up with her and she got defensive and said i was being pushy and basically shutdown communication if she was interested she would of tried to explain herself properly but she didn't want to discuss things.

[madhatters4]

your friends advice is crass but correct. you need to say "forget it" with her and move on. she did lie. she probably wanted to "take it slow" so she could keep you on the line while she dealt with other guys she was entertaining at the time.

so she was dishonest and your friend is right that you need to move on

[Asker]

Yeah she was dishonest but my problem is she never personally took any accountability for how she may have made me feel. People say what she did in the past is none of my business which is true if she was upfront about it but she wasn't she played it like she was a victim from her previous relationship but it takes two to tango. Because i didn't confront her face to face about the subject and only through text i never got her side of the story properly so i keep on giving her the benefit of the doubt and blame myself for being too pushy about things. Whenever i tried to discuss it with her she would just stonewall me and that is a form of emotional abuse. I should just move on and forget it but it would be nice to get some closure on her end but im never gonna get that so yeah suck it up and move on is definitely the only way.

[madhatters4]

i understand wanting some closure. i understand wanting her to take responsibility for her actions; however, you shouldn't hang around waiting on her for that. it will only prolong your ability to move on from her

[strateguy632]

going slow is certainly NOT a red flag it is careful. especially if she learnt from oast experience when too fast.

it can also be a tactic to weed out the creepy guys but truly intends to go fast if you can be trusted.

[Asker]

We talked for a month but only through text never a phone call we met only 2 times in that month and the first date was ok and the 2nd date i expected a bit more warmth from her like a simple hug which she didn't reciprocate very well. Her body language and facial expressions were closed off and i didn't feel comfortable around her and it felt she wasn't with me. Maybe i should of given it more time but as i said she was more than comfortable sending nudes and sleeping with other people not long before we started talking and i was being genuine and vulnerable with her but she was still in that testing me phase and it started to piss me off frankly considering she didn't hold back with other people. If i hadn't known about the others i would of played it slow and not really been phased by her coldness. I guess my insecurities got the better of me it is what it is.

[Monalisa77]

Maybe she didn't care what the other guys thought?

[Asker]

another female friend mentioned that she sent nudes to the others because she was just fooling around and teasing them knowing they werent gonna get what they saw in the pictures but with me she wanted to take it slow and actually have something romantic. I wish i never found out about it tbh because when we was on our dates there just wasn't any warmth coming from her which made me feel insecure and i was afraid to bring it up incase she got defensive and i feel she knew something was off with me aswell but by then it was too late to talk about it she thought i was playing games with her and i thought she was playing games with me i tried to discuss things with her but she just glosses over the subject and ghosts me.