I feel guilty talking two guys at once. Should I just stick to one guy?

[Anonymous]

I’m in the dating stage I met this man he has a kid and he’s a few years older than me (guy1) we went out on a date and it went well we got along well and he seems like a cool guy. We will text here and there our texting isn’t everyday, he sometimes flirts with me. He says he wants to be with me but I’m unsure if he’s talking to other girls (that’s not a problem to me since we’re just dating). Now guy2 is my guy friends friend, my guy friend knows I haven’t had good luck with love and said he has a good friend for me but that he’s really sweet so don’t play him out. Honestly it’s not my intention, I just feel bad for talking to two guys at once. What if I end up liking both or what if they find out about each other and stop talking to me because they think I’m “using them”. I don’t know what to do should I just stick to guy1 and tell my friend that maybe right now isn’t the time for me to talk to his friend or should I date both and see who puts in more effort? This puts me in a tough spot I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.

Updates

5 mo

I do want to update this with a comment I have not slept or kissed these men. I’m simply just dating.

Updates

5 mo

Do I tell them I’m talking to another man or should I just keep it that way until I’ve decided?

[Screenwriter]

This is a common dating situation. There is nothing wrong with testing the waters with both men. But this isn't about who puts out the "most effort." It's about who you like best and who likes you best and how each treats you.

It takes many dates to figure this out. Eventually, you might have to tell both of them you're dating other people too, but only if you continue going out with both for a long while: say, more than a month.

However, in four weeks you might be able to make a decision one way of another. In four weeks, you'll have had four dates with each of them, correct?

If you're honest and simply let the chips fall where they will, no one will be "hurt." Someone might be disappointed they can't continue dating you, but hurt? I don't think so. You're dating, not in one on one relationships.

Only if YOU feel uncomfortable dating both should you tell one of them it's a no-go because of the other. But at your age, I don't see why you can't date two people. I certainly did it in college, and that was in the Stone Age. There's nothing wrong with it unless you lie about it. And why would you?

Relax and enjoy getting to know these two very different guys. I think it'll be enjoyable. You don't have to REVEAL you're dating two men, unless they ask, which I'm sure will happen after an amount of time. But, the only reason this WOULD happen, is if one or the other decides they want to date you exclusively, and then it'll be decision time for you too! Good luck..

[Friendlybro79]

@Screenwriter Amazing advice and insight.

[Screenwriter]

@Friendlybro79 Chile, you live long enough and you'll have decent advice and insight too, unless you're just bone stupid. Hang around long enough, you learn some shit!! Kisses!!!

[Friendlybro79]

Haha

[cnj421]

You don’t owe either of these men anything because they are not committed to you and have not asked you to be exclusive. Date both and see what happens. Then YOU get to decide who is right for you. When you decide that then you can bring up commitment or exclusivity.


If they ask you if you’re dating other people, you can simple say, we aren’t exclusive at this point. That’s it. You don’t need to tell them specifically about the other person.

[Friendlybro79]

You don't have to over share at this stage but if they ask are you seeing anyone else, you can be honest. That will always be a fair approach.

You are young and I can tell you to strongly think about what comes along with dating someone with a kid. Doesn't mean you shouldn't it just means to think it through.

As for your friend if he's a nice guy I say just be nice back at the very least. Doesn't mean you have to be his girlfriend or marry the guy but if you know he isn't what you're looking for break it off sooner than later and be clear. Misleading people (I am not saying you're doing that and it seems you're definitely not doing that) is how people get hurt and it's unnecessary.

Based on how early on it is you don't have to feel bad but stay honest with them if asked. You do not need to tell them anything yet.

[Married_mature]

Well, dating means different to different people. At your stage, you still haven't completely fallen for anyone. You don't have to feel guilty about talking to both of them, because you haven't committed anything to them yet. As much as you fear liking both of them, there could be a possibility of not liking either. You'll only know with the time. It's good that you are spending time in dating, rather than making it a relationship. However, is it still makes you uncomfortable, you can tell them only if they ask. You are not at that stage where you share everything.

[Anonymous]

I remember the first time I was dating 2 women at the same time. First off as a guy unless you do it with the intention of playing around (which I didn't) it's rare occurrence that you just happen to hit it off with 2 women simultaneously.

Understand you're just DATING! It's not like you agreed to marry either of these guys. And the fact that you're concerned about whether what you're doing is wrong says a lot about you.

Let me tell you how I came out with those 2 women. I didn't end up in a relationship with EITHER of them. And no, it wasn't because one found out about the other. I'm just saying you worry about falling for both. You just as likely to end up with NEITHER. Don't worry a out it. A "winner", a candidate that is best fit for you is most likely going to emerge at some point. Just be cognizant of the other guys feelings when you let him down. And it sounds like you're already doing that. Si you should be fine. 👍

[JacobJordan]

evidently I missed when dating went from a man and a woman being in a mutually exclusive relationship to having multiple partners that are not even slightly loyal to each other. From what I read you aren't dating either of them you are leading both of them on. you should pick 1 and date them as dating is exclusive.

[bededazzle]

it's pretty normal. maybe a chat could come up about where you're at and you could let them know that you are taking your time getting to know a few different people. they may have some boundaries, like if you are having sex with someone else. otherwise, I imagine a lot of guys don't love that women are choosing between them and someone else, but it's kind of unreasonable to expect otherwise! but hey, you don't want to hurt anyone, so I'm sure you'll handle it,

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think dating more than one guy will give you the clue who is the best guy to date. I think just sticking with one guy does not give you enough time to figure out who you want to be with. Take things slow, but by all chance, try to go with the guy's flow and see how you feel in your comfort zone. Best Wishes :)

[BarryLiverstone]

Go on a date with the guy2. Don’t just wait around, see if there is chemistry with him. Once you decide you want a committed relationship then just let the other guy know. Sure he may feel bad short term, but that’s all part of dating. Until you agree to a committed relationship expect to talk to and date multiple people.

[BarryLiverstone]

You don’t have to specifically tell each guy who else you are talking to. It should be assumed (like you assume with guy1) that you are talking to multiple guys. Actually telling them who you are dating / talking to adds drama

[Asker]

If one of them ask should I deny it?

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope, don’t lie. But also you don’t have to tell them someone’s name or many details. If they ask if you are talking to other guys you can say you are. But if they wanna know more, just remind them to spend more time thinking about you

[BarryLiverstone]

Just like if you asked guy1 if he’s talking to other girls, what would you expect him to say?

[nawtee_me]

@asker If you lie then are you really material worth dating? If asked then be honest with them. Isn’t that what you would want from them?

[Joshydavid25]

At this point you're haven't really gotten feelings for either yet or been on more than one date.. So right now it's okay.. But whichever one you feel more of a connection with you should stick with that one.. You've been talking to Guy 1 and you like him so maybe just stick with him for now.. I totally get how you feel.. I also don't like talking to more than one girl at once if I really like her.

[love_conquers_lust]

If it makes you feel guilty, you should probably share it with them. Telling them you’re not sleeping with them or kissing them is a good idea. Regardless, I don’t think you’ll be able to avoid hurting feelings juggling multiple guys.

I know if I found out a girl was messing around while dating me, I’d be done. I’d be even more pissed if they hid it from me or tried to guilt me for my reaction. I wouldn’t care if there was a cultural difference.

[Anonymous]

that is what dating is. congrats. you are successfully dating lol. dating is trying to get to know people to see who is the best fit for you. no need to feel guilty unless you were actually in a relationship with one of them or had the talk of becoming more serious with one of them.

[Jamie05rhs]

Tell your friend that you're talking to someone currently. Focus on that guy only right now and see if it works out. Then if you decide not to date the first guy anymore, hit up your friend's friend and talk to him exclusively and see where that goes.

OR... explain the situation to both of them, and date both of them at the same time, honestly and out in the open. (No secrets.)

[Stefan181]

Hi
The fact that you feel guilty should tell you that feep down inside you know its wrong.
And then you overtink about the older man talking to other woman... that is your conscience messing with you there

Do this simple trick... put yourself in the other person's shoes
Whould you like it if you were being treated as an option?

Rather make a choice and cut the other one off sooner than later...

My opinion 🤷🏼‍♂️

[Miristheiss]

If you are just at the point of meeting them, they are strangers then that is fine. I wouldn't do it very long. If things ever get physical then you should cut ties with the guy you were not physical with.

[DizzyDesii]

As long as you haven't gotten sexual or physical then you shouldn't feel guilty. But if you find yourself falling in love with one or preparing to get physical than make a decision beforhand

[BoopBoopBeep]

Be honest if asked, but you don't owe them any exposition. It should be assumed you're dating other people until the two of you have a conversation and decide to be monogamous.

[slatyb]

No, you shouldn't. Talk to as many guys as you want. Your only obligation is to tell the truth if asked. It's normal to date multiple people before becoming exclusive.

[Paul_in_Indy]

Don’t worry about it. Enjoy yourself and don’t overthink it. You are allowed to be happy. Other people’s happiness is not your responsibility when only dating.

[Billlewis]

I don't think you should feel guilty at all, and I recommend that you wait until you've decided on one of them before you tell either of them that you're dating other guys.

[wiltingrosepetal]

You've seen this play out in a movie. You know where this kinda relationship goes. Bella Swan's gotta pick 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

I sense a fake question here probably from a guy but I will say what I do, I'm with one guy now because I want to be, but before that I had several friends with benefits and that worked out fine.

[RealMarek]

You’re just dating to find a suitable match. You’ve not even kissed these guys. You’re not doing anything wrong.

[Nikki1989]

Why?

You should be trying to meet as many people as possible.

[Asker]

I know but i don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings

[Friendlybro79]

That's nice of you but you're allowed to go on a few dates. Also understand even if you're as nice and honest as you can be feelings might get hurt when it comes to relationships. If you try to be as conscious and empathetic as you seem you'll be fine.