I’ve been with my boyfriend long distance for 1 1/2 years, and I’ve loved him through all of it, but I’m starting to feel like we are no longer fit into each-others lives. He wants to stay in CO and pursue career until 10 years from now…I want to stay on the east coast. All the traveling is done by me since I’m in college (18f) and he’s in highschool (17m).
I don’t know if I can do this for 6 more years. I don’t know If I want to. I’m so scared to break his heart and break mine in the process; but I know thats where it’s heading. I love him, but also my best friend. Whether im in love anymore or not.
I met my bestfriend (18f) 4 months ago. I think I was always attracted but I confuse attachment with attraction a lot so I don’t think much of it. Time goes and weve gotten closer. I’m scared it’s gotten to the point of borderline committed emotional infidelity. We always talk about my boyfriend, they always encourage our relationship, most of our friendship they’ve been In a relationship too.
But there’s silent moments where we lay side by side (watching a show or a sleepover) or pull into a hug or they look at me in a way that defines love, that I start to grab onto the moments and linger with the feeling or lay in their hug more than I should. I have fallen in love with her, and I don’t know how to pull back. Loving them Is intoxicating.
I need to recover from my boyfriend, and remember that rn I am in fact still with him. And that he loves me. And that although our time may be ending he has always been good to me. And that even though I’ve made bad choices, I need to be good to him too
My bestfriend needs to recover from their breakup, and me entering the picture in that way would do nothing but hurt them.
I don’t need criticism, I know morally im fucked. But how do I move on from this? How is it possible to live again with this heartbreak—to not look at my best friend and forever feel like im dying because of how much I love them, and how much guilt I feel for it?
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This is a really tricky situation. A few things I think are important:
1. Don't rush any decisions. Take time to think clearly about your feelings for both people without any pressure.
2. Be honest with your boyfriend. It's not fair to lead him on if your heart isn't fully in it anymore. Have a respectful talk and let him know you need space to figure things out.
3. You need space from your friend too for now. Even if the feelings are real, acting on them now would hurt everyone. Take a step back so you can both heal from other relationships.
4. Focus on yourself. Now is a good time to spend time with other friends, pursue your hobbies, and just chill. Getting perspective could help with the confusion.
5. Don't beat yourself up. You can't help how you feel, and it sounds like you realize the complex situation. Now it's about making tough but kind choices.
Give it time. Feelings may change or become clearer. For now, prioritize being honest yet gentle with others, and take care of your own heart too. The answers will come, so try not to overthink - easier said than done, I know! You'll get through this.
Go with the friend. In war and love anything is fair game
If you are even considering another person you shouldn't be in a relationship