Girls, honest opinion on paying 50/50 on dates?

[Anonymous]

in my opinion i think it's sleezy. I like to make women feel special on dates.

[BuffTaco]

As long as he doesn't make it a big deal I don't mind. I appreciate being paid for, but it's not necessary. For the same reason I would not want him to make a big deal about paying for me either. I want the date to be the important thing, not who pays for it.

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if it's alright. Thank you very much.

[BuffTaco]

@Billlewis of course! Nice to meet you, sir.

[thatshydork]

I wouldn’t mind just paying for my own stuff but then I think I’d feel more like I’m hanging out with a friend rather than on a date. I think that whomever pitched the idea of the date (i. e. asked the other person out) should be the one to pay.

[Asker]

I agree totally

[itsclearlynicholas]

Surely it's not a financial transactional thing? I mean if a guy pays for both meals doesn't that seem like payment. like. Uhh. Just nowadays it's really an eye opener of "oh all this time that's just like paying..." Trails off 📴😂🤯

[thatshydork]

@itsclearlynicholas if you’re implying what I think you’re implying, you’re very wrong. If a guy wants to pay for my meal, that’s fine but I don’t owe him anything in return. So no, it’s not a payment of any kind except for him paying the restaurant for our meals. Implying that I would owe him anything at all is disgusting and misogynistic. I don’t owe him anything if he covers the bill. He didn’t have to do that and there was no agreement of any kind between the two of us prior to this event other than going on a date. If he expects more then my time at dinner/lunch, that’s on him. If a guy asks me out I am very clear that there will be nothing going on after the date. If any guy asks any girl out and the girl says yes, they are not making an agreement of any kind to do anything besides go on that date.

[wolfcat87]

If I'm paying for myself, then it's clearly not a date.

If he asks me to pay for myself, it's definitely not a date, and a meet up probably isn't happening in the first place.

If I offer to pay for a date after the date is already happening, I don't like him and there will not be a second date.

If a man's not willing to invest in a woman who he's supposed to be wanting a relationship with, then he doesn't value her. He doesn't value her time, and he has no business being around her. There's a very good chance that he's just going to waste her time, play games, act ridiculous, and be out the door eventually anyways. 🙄

So, it makes the most sense for me to speed up that whole process by skipping the entire thing and going straight to a man who is worth my time and effort. Who also sees me as someone who is worth his time and resources.

[Asker]

I love that

[Fireguy17]

@wolfcat87 So if I am understanding your logic is that someone has to spend money on you in order for you to be interested in them.
By definition then you are playing games, which you stated it something that you do not find desirable in a male.
What if someone comes along that is able to spend even more money on you, a fancier place, a more expensive car etc. do you then like him more than a guy that had to work his butt off in order to be able to afford to take you out to Olive Garden?
So then are you for sale to the highest bidder?
If you were interested in a person, why would it matter who spends the money?
I would much rather be with someone that was actually interested in me vs what I spent on them, or how much money I had.
I always made it a point when I went out on dates to use my pickup truck.
It was clean, older, not fancy and while some women were put off/out by that, there was never a second date with them, and many were just fine with it because they were interested in me as a person, not as a wallet, or what I drove. Anyone can make car payments.
That way I avoided potential "Gold Diggers".
It worked well for me. My wife, when we first met her had no clue what I was worth, I was good at hiding it, and naturally at some point she figured it out, but by then I knew she cared about me, and she knew I cared about her.
So now she reaps the benefits of being with me.

[Purpleronnie]

@Fireguy17 … couldn’t have put it better myself …. Reading the previous view made me feel nauseous The rules are simple the asker pays assuming the need. Im happy to buy dinner , lunch and more besides but generally save those for when im more sure about the woman.. if i was to get a whiff of “that” view from any woman where she would expect me to compensate her for her time then I’d feel lucky that getting her out of my life only cost me the price of a meal 🥘

[Fireguy17]

@Purpleronnie yeppers, not saying this badly but in that case it might end up being cheaper by the hour.

[MackAMills]

So he should just pay for all of it then? Couldn’t men apply your logic right back at you then, that you don’t care about them and are not invested, etc, etc if you don’t pay for their meal.

[Purpleronnie]

@Fireguy17 , 🤭it had crossed my mind

[wolfcat87]

@Fireguy17 To answer your first question, someone has to demonstrate that they think I'm valuable to them and that they understand my time is valuable in order for me to dorme time with them. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman.

As for the second question, obviously not. 🙄 It's proportionate to what they have and their abilities. I have poor friends who offer what they do have. I also have wealthy friends who offer far more. The thought, feeling, and level of effort behind their actions matter.

Do I look like an ebay listing? You couldn't buy me. So, no. I'm not for sale. I'm exclusive to a very specific type of person.

It doesn't matter if I'm interested in a person if they aren't equally or more interested and just plan to waste my time. Hard pass

The only vehicles I judge are new vehicles. They aren't worth it.

No games are played. My requirements are clearly stated. I'm honest and are no one's time. You don't seem to know what games are...

My husband only made 25k a year when I met him 17 years ago. Your assumptions involve very unfounded, baseless, and massive leaps. I made my intentions clear to him within 2 weeks of dating, and he agreed to them all. We've been together since. My methods clearly works. Now, we both reap the benefits as you say.

[wolfcat87]

@Purpleronnie Thankfully, we do very well in life because we don't think like you. My husband would happily testify that I've made him far more than I ever cost him on top of saving his life twice. That's why I'm in charge of our finances. 😉

The asker paying is a tradition more common with the poor. As wealth increases the tradition turns to competing over who pays and demonstrating wealth. That caused a bit of a cultural clash with our families early on. 😳😅

[_piotr]

@wolfcat87 What sexist opinion. I do not understand why women are entitled to men's money. I prefer not to be with any girl then to date such an entitled gold digger. Appalling.

[wolfcat87]

@_piotr Luckily, most women don't want to date you. Nor did we ask you if you wanted to be with anyone...

As for sexist, I said I also expect friends to contribute. That includes women. That being said, these rules are more for men because they reflect on primarily male behaviors. Men invest resources in women they want to be with. They don't often invest in women they don't want to be with.

Just because you don't understand valuing others or the best kinds of people doesn't mean it's a problem with them. That's a reflection of your own inner shortcomings. People truly devoted to each other are entitled to everything.

[MackAMills]

You’re scary and you’re gaslighting men and other women.

[wolfcat87]

@MackAMills... You're using the phrase gaslighting incorrectly. 🤣

www.crisishouse.org/.../what-is-gaslighting

And, you clearly don't know the difference between that and healthy relationships with people who value you.

[MackAMills]

You should apply your logic to yourself as well when it comes to a date otherwise you’re a hypocrite.

[wolfcat87]

@MackAMills If you were mentally healthy enough to understand the give and take in a good relationship, then what I said would make perfect sense. I expect people I interact with to prove they want to be here and that they value me. I never said I don't also prove I want to be there and value them. What I won't do is chase after people who have not proven they want to be here.

And, that boys and girls is why I'm surrounded by people who are close knit and would give everything for each other. Also why we are all thriving together and doing far better than most kettle ever will. You clearly aren't. Otherwise, you'd know what it's like and how to get there. So, I don't want or need your worthless opinions on something that's working incredibly well for us. 🤣 I doubt it's gotten you much of anything in life. Take your "pick me" mentality to someone else.

[wolfcat87]

People*

[WhyohWhy69]

@Fireguy17 how much did she spend on clothes for the date just to look sexy for you? How much did she spend on makeup and hair. Very ungrateful and likely not a very good person to begin with. This is coming from someone who offers to pay half. If he refuses, a follow up offer of paying gratuity.

[MackAMills]

Scary as Amber Heard I’d say honestly. I think you’re delusional and you’re terrifying.

[wolfcat87]

@MackAMills You've been happily married for how long with your tendency to desperately want to be picked and your assumptions that everyone and every culture that disagrees with you must be wrong and abusive? 😆 Good luck with that.

[wolfcat87]

@WhyohWhy69 Exactly

[MackAMills]

I’ve seen some of the questions you’ve asked on here, it suggests to me maybe you’re not as happily married as you think. Also you’ve never bought your own car you said on here other people have always just given you a car. You give me red flags.

[wolfcat87]

@MackAMills First, many of my questions were to get badges and influencer while I was stuck in bed with a broken bone. 🙃 Mission accomplished. So, it's weird that you assume they were all about me. They weren't.

Second, it's a red flag that people choose to give me cars without me ever having to ask anyone? But, it's not a red flag that no one likes you enough to do the same? 🤣😂🤡💩 Okie 👍👌 You're definitely off your rocker when you think a person is bad for being more loved than you.

[Fireguy17]

@WhyohWhy69 we went out to a basic restaurant, she did not buy a new outfit, at least that is what she said.
She has never been one to go out and spend a lot of money when she gets her hair cut, or has her nails done etc.
I paid for the first date and many others that followed, but she always offered to pay, so I never worried about it.
She was very self-sufficient and independent, and she also owned her SUV and her house.

[Fireguy17]

I wouldn't want to "buy" you much less ever think about going out with you if you were age appropriate, but you don't seem to have any issues at all, in fact you make it perfectly clear for others that they will have to purchase a night with you, just so they could be with you.
Hey if that works for you and the other person that is all that is important to the both of you.

[MackAMills]

It makes me wonder if you don’t want to buy your own car that maybe you just want other people to buy it or give one to you.

[wolfcat87]

@Fireguy17 Again, still very much married... Work on that reading comprehension.

Next, same rules applied to him. I also told him no sex until marriage. So much for your theory. I'm also not having sex with my friends and family who also spend money on me.

Last, it's pretty gross that you only spend money on women to buy sex... Your inability to see any other value in another person is YOUR flaw.

[wolfcat87]

@MackAMills Literally never even had to consider buying my own car. Didn't even have to get to the point of wanting. When people love and cherish you, they will step up to make sure you have everything you need even before you get a chance to really think about it.

For example, a friend gifted me my first car. He knew I walked everywhere. I said no to his first offer. Then, he offered a bike. I also said no. Then, he went back to the car offer. The only condition was that he wanted me to go to college.

The next car was after mine went through a series of unfortunate events and a boyfriend decided to replace it on his own. He drove me to the car store and said what do you want?

So, the fact that you don't understand that people can care about each other that way means no one cares for you that way and you care for no one that way. It has nothing to do with me or the people who care about me and who I care about as well.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@wolfcat87 "The asker paying is a tradition more common with the poor."

That's interesting. Where are you from if I may ask. As someone making 6 figures who has nearly always dated people making 6 figures (as a consequence of who I meet, not because that is a requisite criteria), "asker pays" has always been the default course of action. I've never been in a situation where I felt as though I needed to "demonstrate wealth"... nor has she, as we know it's there. The asker is paying for the same reason when I give you a gift it doesn't come with an invoice. "You seem like you had a rough day... don't cook... let's go to XYZ" and the sorts. It seems so absolutely foreign to me to consider otherwise. I honestly cannot think of a time where I have ever been invited somewhere and then handed the check at the end of the night. That seems terribly gauche.

[wolfcat87]

@BoopBoopBeep It's not about where you're from. 40 states and it's been the same everywhere in the U. S. that I've been.

Poor people tend to go with the asker pays the bill because it cannot be assumed that the other can pay.

People with more money tend to "fight" for who gets to pay the bill. Not sure why, but it's been pretty consistent. It's definitely cultural on both ends, but the root of this one is harder for me to understand. I've seen Europeans do it as well.

And, if you put the two different types in the same room it tends to lead to bad feelings because they don't understand each other.

I even got lectured on it again this weekend. I offered to buy my daughter's boyfriend I've cream at a state tournament. He said, "No, I can buy it with my own money." I said okay. My daughter told me layer that I was supposed to fight him on it and insist at least 3 times no matter what he said. It's definitely a real thing with wealthy families.

No one hands you the check. You are supposed to fight to pay it. Big difference. If you don't fight to pay it, you can be essentially blacklisted and looked down on permanently.

[wolfcat87]

Jeeze, auto correct. Ice cream*. Later*.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@wolfcat87 Interesting... I've dated in 12 or 13 of those states and it's never been like that for me in any of them, and it's clearly not a "poor people" thing if we're pulling in a half mil plus between the two of us. We're not fighting about who pays the bill beyond when third party guests put forth the "oh let me take this one" and the host of course says no and eventually the guests relent and let the host pay.

It's a trivial sum of money I've never known people to make much of a production about it beyond that initial "oh no let me".

If I invite people to a dinner party I don't charge them at the door. If I host a dinner at a restaurant it is assumed that I'm paying for my guests. If YOU are hosting the dinner party at your house, you would pay, I fail to see how that is different in a relationship and the dozens upon dozens of women I've dated have never questioned that and always acted in accordance with that. I don't believe in 30 years I've ever had a conversation about it, it's just how it is. I wonder why our experiences have been so different, especially when we've had at least SOME overlap in where we've lived. That certainly is quite fascinating.

[wolfcat87]

@BoopBoopBeep Do you come from wealthy families or a poor families when you follow your family lines back? How did their families act about paying bills when going out?

If most wealthy people are doing one vs nearly all poor are doing another then there's a clear divide. I've never seen poor people in any state or country fight to pay the bill.

Have you considered that you just aren't paying attention to what others are thinking and doing or that you date a specific type of woman?

I've known people who nearly came to blows over trying to win paying the bill. I'm not just discussing men I've dated. I'm also including their families, friends, and everyone else I've interacted with.

A dinner party at your house is completely unrelated to going out... But, there's a reason why potlucks and byob's exist when the host can't afford to host. Guests are essentially charged food to attend.

"Dozens upon dozens of women" have never questioned a standard you set/demand? It definitely sounds like something based on what you are doing. Often people are just going to follow the lead of the other person. How many of those women did you marry? 🤔

But, as I've said, this behavior is definitely not just with men I've dated. Now that I follow one rule with one set of people and another with the other there's no friction.

[wolfcat87]

@BoopBoopBeep I just Googled it. It's a thing in Asia as well. The reasoning in these articles match what I've seen and heard.

wildgreatwall.com/.../

www.sbs.com.au/.../ehtqx6f21

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm self made. My mother was middle class. I have no other living family. I would have married 5. Life got in the way. Usually my job. Once a drunk driver. Once cancer.

It's not a standard I set/demand, it's just how things play out. As I said, there's the theater of oh I'll pay, but the host always pays.

"If most wealthy people are doing one vs nearly all poor are doing another then there's a clear divide."... I hear you, except as I mentioned, nearly everyone I've dated was well into 6 figure income and occasionally 7. We're not going to showboat and make a scene to pay. That's gauche. What's dinner at a casual restaurant... couple hundred bucks? We made that sitting there it's too trivial to showboat about it. THAT seems like something that poor people would do. Like all the people with rims on a car they can't afford to gas up.

I've hosted and been hosted by old money families all across the country. I offer to pay when they host, they say no, i say something like oh no i insist and they deny me and that's the end of it. There's certainly no "almost coming to blows" about it. When I host them the same is true. If someone is my elder and insists on paying I'll say "Sir I ask that you do me the honor of letting me provide this time" and almost immediately his card goes away and my card comes out. I can't even fathom fighting about money.

How interesting our experiences differ. It's a great world out there :)

[BoopBoopBeep]

crap that was supposed to be @wolfcat87

[BoopBoopBeep]

@wolfcat87
When I was dating in Asia, yes. When you're dating in Scandinavia it's unheard of.

[wolfcat87]

@BoopBoopBeep Scandinavia is weird compared to the rest of the world. Everyone knows that. They are the only place in the world so obsessed with selfishness and individuality. Their cultures are very unique to their region. A quarter of my family is Norwegian.

As I said, I was unaware it was so big in Asian cultures as well. I've seen it in Western and Southern Europe as well as all over the U. S.

If you read the articles you wouldn't still be arguing and would understand that it's a well known practice that people around the world follow. It's bizarre that you've never noticed it anywhere.

As the articles state it is indeed a status symbol and a way to compete and demonstrate wealth for those who have it.

Attempting to indicate it's a poor habit when you've never even seen it happen, and have never been poor according to you, as well as ignoring the fact that poor people can't afford to participate in such an act just demonstrates how out of touch you are... 😒 Poor people cannot do this.

[wolfcat87]

@BoopBoopBeep First, calling everything you don't agree with gauche is very cringe and nouveau riche. You overuse the word so much that it's painful. 😅 Not to mention, your use of the word is in and of itself gauche by definition.

Also, a wealthy family isn't necessarily about income. Yet, you kept throwing out incomes. Everyone's not telling you what they have or make. I know many wealthy people who live simply.

There are indeed cultures to wealth. It may alter a bit based on region, but they are still there. Take some time to read, hang out with a larger variety of people, and educate yourself... Those articles explained it all perfectly well. Like I said, even I didn't understand the why. I just know it's a common occurrence.

It is clear from what you say that you are seeing yourself, setting a tone, and leading other people in specific directions. If you let everyone else lead while you sit back and watch, then you'll learn far more. It's not about the money, it's about the culture for those who have money. I can see you focusing in and out trying to get it, but you're not quite landing properly.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@wolfcat87 Nope, not really trying to get it. The race is over for me. Thanks for your insights though. Also, I read the articles. I don't particularly care, since they in no way change what I've experienced, which is all I was commenting on. Appeal to authority only works if an authority is recognized.

"Everyone's not telling you what they have or make. I know many wealthy people who live simply."

That was my original point, nobody's trying to make a show (aka "almost come to blows" about paying) for dinner. It's a pittance unworthy of but a moment's attention to sign the bill. Fighting over it seems like comparing credit limits or card types. I spent three years in Korea. It's well understood the pecking order there and the elder/senior/highest ranking/birthday boy pays and gets maybe 5-10 seconds of "no i got this" before it's all done with and he pays and there was certainly no "almost coming to blows" about it. Offer-protest-overcome-pay, rinse and repeat. The same thing in 8 different countries thought Latin America and the 6 or so countries I've been to in the Middle East. Admittedly in the middle east there was more theater, as is so often the case. Particularly with Lebanese. Great people. Great food.

At any rate, when I said I've never seen it, I meant at my table. I've never seen a frontal lobectomy but I've no doubt they exist.

"I know many wealthy people who live simply." Yes... I believe that was part of my point. Some of us feel no need for the theater, but each of us knows that the money is there.

All the best to you.

[MackAMills]

@BoopBoopBeep I’ve had the same experience as you as well.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@MackAMills Haha, thanks MackaMills... was starting to wonder if I'd stumbled through a wormhole ;)

Beautiful dog, by the way.

[Fireguy17]

As wise person once told me, "Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
As you have clearly shown to others as well as me that you do not even have the slightest clue as to what people are telling you, my time following this post will be much better spent doing something else.

[wolfcat87]

@Fireguy17 Wouldn't someone else be the unarmed person since multiple external sources were able to verify what I was stating on a large scale? Someone failed essays and debates in school. You don't don't even belong on the sidelines in the battle of wits, so why are you here whining about something you weren't even capable of participating in? 🤔

[wolfcat87]

@MackAMills Birds of a feather flock together.

[wolfcat87]

@Fireguy17 Also, your reading comprehension is severely lacking when I provide said sources and you don't read them to educate yourself. Then, you attempt to lecture me on lack of understanding as the one you're cheering for clearly stated that he is the one who chooses not to understand because he doesn't want to and refuses to take any input from any sources that disagree with him. 🤣🤡💩 Talk about the blind following the blind. This really says it all about the three stooges...

[Flatmanlewis]

I know this is a girls question, but as a male perspective on it I’d generally be averse to her paying 50/50 dollars on a date. Honestly, I’d probably interpret (or misinterpret) it as her trying to minimize my feeling like it was a date.


Also, I bring some more traditional, gentlemanly, male traits on a date: I’ll open every door you pass through, pull your chair out for you, I walk on the street side of the sidewalk, refill your wine glass without being asked, and dress the part.


I carry a lot of those traditional values into a relationship and regard us as having equal importance in the relationship but also different roles & responsibilities. I think dating is like a test-drive. We are assessing a person for their compatibility with us. If a woman was persistent on paying her way all the time and being too independent it would probably make me wonder if we are even compatible in the long term. I like the balance of knowing these are my roles and these are yours and while we support one another in those roles, they are ultimately our own responsibility. I think (despite society not wanting to admit it) the best and healthiest relationships do have some default into certain roles unique to men & women, respectively.

[Asker]

Precisely

I’d probably interpret (or misinterpret) it as her trying to minimize my feeling like it was a date' - my thoughts also

[Flatmanlewis]

After some thought maybe I’d be more open minded to if I paid for dinner, her saying she’d like to take me out for a drink at a follow up spot and her insisting on paying for that. Somehow, if I’ve already paid for our night out, this would probably come off as a very positive gesture without approaching the 50/50 threshold at all.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

If I may pitch in as a guy, it's a leader's responsibility to protect and provide for their followers. That's a gender-neutral thing; it's just the responsibility associated with proper leadership to take on this associated responsibility.

So if a man actually is the leader on a date, then I think he's failing his responsibility if he fails to pay for the date. Then he's needlessly spilling the costs of his own executive decisions on his follower.

Same if a woman is the leader on the date and doesn't pay for it. It's only on dates where there is no leader that it makes sense to me to split.

I always wanted to be the leader on the date. I ask the woman out on the date, I arrange the date, I decide where we go (if she voluntarily follows). I'd be a cheapskate given that I'm taking on the privilege of leading if I didn't take on the associated responsibility of paying for the date. I also protect her from harm's way, starting with little rituals like walking on the side of the curb with oncoming traffic so that, in the very unlikely event a car swerves off the road, it'll hit me and not her. That's all part of the associated responsibility of this type of leadership from my perspective: to protect and provide.

[Asker]

Well said

[IslaTheWitch]

I don't believe in leadership in the relationship or on the date. We are two equals, and we make our decisions.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch I can respect that but I prefer the old school gentleman way and was not seeking a partnership type of marriage so I'd be incompatible with that dating style. I don't think I can make an equal partnership work in marriage; it actually makes more sense to me if the woman becomes the leader than to try to run a household without any leader.

[IslaTheWitch]

being a gentleman doesn't mean being a leader. And the gentleman still respects the lady's decision :D

I was only in partnership relationships, it works :D

[Asker]

@islathewitch uderstandable i respect that, but generally speaking I'm a shot caller, naturally i like to lead I don't think I'd be compatible with somoene who challenges it haha, someone who provides alternatives however and engages i love. Equality of course I'm 100% all for in every aspect in no way am I controlling

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch To me a gentleman is very much a leader with the associated responsibility of protecting and providing. If we look at gentleman conduct like walking on the curb with oncoming traffic, that demonstrates protector qualities. Paying for the date demonstrates provider qualities. Leading the date by deciding where to go, not using follower language like, "I'm happy to go where you'd like to go," is demonstrating leader qualities.

That said, a decent leader always listens to his/her followers. The leader is a conflict resolver as I see it. That's his/her foremost function, like if a family is quarreling and unable to unanimously agree on a decision that impacts the whole family, the leader is the one who steps in and says, "All right everyone, I've carefully listened to everyone's idea and I have chosen for our family to do this: today we will go with mom's idea. In exchange, if anything goes wrong and the metaphorical shit hits the fan, I made the decision so I will step in front of the fan and protect all of us from the flying shit."

[IslaTheWitch]

I'm not a follower

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch For the partnership in your case, were you the leader? What happens when you two can't agree on a course of action that impacts both of you in a way that can't be negotiated towards a compromise? How do you resolve it?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch Or as a hypothetical, suppose the building you're in catches on fire, and your guy thinks the two of you should head one way to the exit and you think the two of you should head the other way, and you can't arrive at an agreement while time is ticking and smoke is filling the air. Who leads? And is there one who protects the other? Or do you go your separate ways?

[IslaTheWitch]

It's a matter of commitment and respect. It has never happened to me that we couldn't solve the problem. Communication and willingness to cooperate are the keys.

[IslaTheWitch]

In crises one person, who feels better in dealing with such disasters naturally takes temporary the lead. In case of fire probably me. In case of tax office complaints my ex husband. We have our areas of expertise but it doesn't make us leaders in the relationship.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch I see! It's quite blurry too with my wife that way, and I don't believe in micromanagement. The most common way my leadership manifests on a daily basis is like this:

Me: I'm in the mood for Italian food, how about you?
Wife: I actually have kind of a craving for Indian food, but we can do Italian.
Me: Indian food sounds good! Let's go!

That's the daily kind of way I end up being the leader. If we were equal partners, my wife might insist that we go Italian to make me happy instead of going with my decision to go Indian to make her happy, and that'd be very inefficient.

[IslaTheWitch]

I prefer straightforward communication. This wouldn't work for me at all. If I say Italian, it means I'm in mood for Italian. If I take my partner's cravings into consideration I make an evaluation and say openly something like - "I see, I'm not very strong about Indian" or "no way, today Indian, we can go Italian next week". And I mean it. Simple, right? Who has a stronger cravings decides.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch In my case, I always go with my wife's craving although she's the type who would always go with mine and it might be difficult to try to decide who has the stronger craving each time it happens. So it simplifies things a lot that she just lets me make the decision for both of us.

I go by something similar to the Servant Leadership Model though in business in that the ultimate job of the leader is not to prioritize their own objectives and interests above their followers, but their followers above their own. I think that's also the type of leadership promoted by the gentleman code of conduct, as well as the tradition of a man leading in a ballroom dance, e. g. If someone has to suffer, the man makes sure he suffers and not the woman.

The saying I like to echo using the burning building as a metaphor is that it's my burden to lead my family to safety and it's my responsibility to make sure I'm the last one to leave the building to safety and the first one to die if someone has to die. I'm compatible with women who allow me to die this way.

[IslaTheWitch]

Let's agree to disagree :D

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@IslaTheWitch Cheers! Also I respect anything that results in a long-lasting and loving relationship. Where I sometimes have suspicions about headless households for many people (not your case if it works out well for you) is that sometimes it seems like the wife ends up being the head of the household anyway given the absence of one in a way where she's overly stressed and the husband is deeply unmotivated while she goes around telling him what to do. It might at least take a very special type of woman and man that's most deeply cooperative to make things work out as well as you did.

[WhyohWhy69]

@IslaTheWitch I let my man lead. But it really isn’t about leading a following. I look at it as a showing of respect to him.

[IslaTheWitch]

@WhyohWhy69 good for you; I prefer other forms of showing respect.

[Valdemort]

Honestly, I love when someone pays for me, because I'm broke half the time.
However, I would never pick anything off the menu I wouldn't be able to afford myself, because I would want to be able to pay for my own stuff if that's what my date wanted me to do.
Hell, I would probably even offer to pay for him if I am able to.
So no hard feelings on splitting the bill.
Although, if money really is tight, I'd just be honest about it and then suggest going somewhere that doesn't cost (a lot of) money.

[Crimsyjo]

Hmm very interesting responses. I guess like much in life it is an individualistic choice and two people who are in agreement (he pay, she pay, 50/50, date asker pay, own pay) show a level of understanding eachothers thought processes and so a higher chance of compatibility?

That said... I always offer to go 50/50. But if the guy insists it does raise him up as a higher quality male. It makes me, the woman, feel special because if he was dating lots of women he maybe wouldn't want to be paying for them all. So either I am special if he is dating others. Or I am special because he is focused on me.

I apply this logic to first date by the way. I would expect to pay my way more with further dates...

[StarWarGirl]

I think it depends. It depends on who is leading, means who has chose the place or who is arranging that date it should be their responsibility. Next, it should be depending upon what kind relationship they are going to lead. Will man would be leader and provider in that relationship? In that case man should be paying. If that relationship would be about partnership and equal support then it must be half half or few dates man could pay in other few dates women should.

[bobalife]

That’s sweet, not sure why many guys prefer 50/50, but I appreciate a man who pays for me because I feel like he’s being genuine about me and putting the effort to be a gentleman that he can be that partner to lead. I’m old fashion and loves this more when it comes to dating. I think I’d offer and also pay if I don’t see any potential. Or I can pay for some small things to be thoughtful.

[Nikki1989]

Well, demanding your date pay half is one huge red flag. If someone is cheap on that level, he or she is probably lacking in many other areas as well.

[Asker]

Exactly

[MackAMills]

I prefer 50/50, and if I personally ordered something rather expensive on the menu then I just pay for my own meal. I get really frustrated with women who act like it’s a crime to suggest they chip in.

[MackAMills]

Also if you thinks it’s sleezy a guy doesn’t pay for his dates meal then shouldn’t you also apply that logic to women. I personally wouldn’t dare a guy who looks at it the way you do, makes me feel like he’d let a girl walk all over him and is easily manipulated by women, which scares me.

[Asker]

I see your point, but if the date is my idea and my treat I'm paying.. asking her to go 50/50 isn't very romantic, if she offers however then sure. If she offers and organizes, I expect her to sort it out and I'll offer to pay it's not an issue to me I have money I have a successful job. I never let anyone walk over me. Anyone who does is so insignificant to me lol

[MackAMills]

But you did not say in your question you thought it would only be sleezy if it was your idea, my concern would be if I heard a guy say that then maybe he’s easily conditioned to think a certain way from women and just people in general. If that’s a value you’ve formed on your own then fair enough however I would definitely wonder if you think that way because you’ve been gaslighted by women into thinking that.

[MackAMills]

It’s fine that’s your value, but all the things I’ve seen especially on social media make me very wary of that.

[Asker]

Very valid point! I think it's sleezy for a guy to constantly assert the 50/50 'rule'. Not addressed in the question I agree. I'm down for 50/50 if offered course I'm easy going. I just wouldn't assert the 50/50 rule on a date or event that I've organized where I'd rather sort it all out beforehand so that it's smooth plain sailing without hassle. It also tests whether she offers to reimburse afterwards and shows appreciation. Nonetheless, i wouldn't be seeking validation anyway rather the fun side of things and quality time/her being the main focus

[Simslover92]

I tried to go halfsies with my boyfriend on our last date this month and he declined. He wanted to pay for the whole date including the movies. I at least gave a large tip at dinner.

I think it's good to at least offer to go half.

[Asker]

That's nice, it shows green flags from both parties

[itsclearlynicholas]

Hmm yet the flipside or perspective some may say: if someone, whoever, pays for both meals. Then that one who didn't pay, implies obligation or like, "what's in return" or the worse cringe which only hit me in the head of obvious: that's just like a guy paying for... pants. 👖 To get into. Pants. Uhhh 😔😲

[Simslover92]

I paid for dinner and drinks last time though. @itsclearlynicholas

[itsclearlynicholas]

Hmm 🤔 lol 😂 okay dokey 👍

[itsclearlynicholas]

"can't we just always split" says no couple ever. Ah wells, except me and my hypothetical lol 🎉😁

[Mado108]

I would not date a man who do 50|50. I’m too old school. I’d rather go 50/50 with one of my friends.

[Billlewis]

@Mado108 Yes, ma'am, I just started following you and I'd be honored if you'd like to follow me as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[Mado108]

Done

[Asker]

I'm quite traditional also

[Apple1996]

50/50 isn't even a date in my opinion. Just two people out together at that point. A real date the man pays or at least plans it. I'd rather go on a free date than a date that he'd expect me to pay for.

[RingOfFire]

How about 51/49? 🙂

[Apple1996]

@RingOfFire nah

[wolfcat87]

Exactly 💯

[MemeSupreme]

i prefer it but i don't like ANYONE paying for my shit

if he offers i appreciate it tho like it's a green flag

[Asker]

I wouldn't pay for your sh*t either, it belongs in the sewer

[MemeSupreme]

girls don't poop stupid

[Asker]

Ooof I completely forgot 🤐

[Guido]

I have always paid for any date I asked a woman out on. I never expected her to pay any portion and would not let her if she offered. I never expected anything in return either. I'm my generation, sex came withba relationship not casually for a nice date. I know things have really changed but I'm still old fashioned and daring is intended to find a partner.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think women mooching off of guys is sleazy.

I would go even further, and say that people should just pay for what they personally ordered.

Though tbh I don't see the point of going on dates, better to hang out at home with her and grow from friends into spouses.

[Anonymous]

Whoever asks for the date should pay for it. And my advice to guys is to keep the first date cheap (coffee or a drink). This will let you qualify the girl to make sure she’s worth it or not.

Also for you ladies out there who ask a guy on date and then expect him to pay for it…. f you. Really. Don’t ever do that.

[Date_a_Snob]

If the guy pays I often felt like he was expecting something later (sex, blowjob etc.) and I was usually right

[IslaTheWitch]

My sentiments exactly. I don't like the feeling of debt.

[Asker]

Yeah I see why. A lot of us don't do it for that intention at all

[wolfcat87]

That's sad...

[laly520]

never been with any guy who wanted to pay 50/50
they always wanted to be the ones to pay
but personally I won't mind paying

[Asker]

Healthy mindset!

[Billlewis]

As a longtime submissive beta male wimp who never gets laid, paying for every date in its entirety is the only redeeming quality available to me, which necessitates the woman keeping her pocketbook in her purse at all times.

[RingOfFire]

It goes against the natural design of men and women. Men are the providers. Women who do this think they have something to prove. It is a sign of insecurity on their part. It's a mild form of the mental disorder of feminism.

[RingOfFire]

I would never go on a date with a woman who doesn't want me to pay for the date and who doesn't appreciate that I do. Nature has different roles for men and women. Women who are brainwashed with the woke idea that they are the same and live their lives trying to prove it are probably the biggest turnoff I can think of. I want to date a woman who is happy to be a woman and not think she has to act like a man to be respected. I don't want to date a man. 🤮

[Katebfun]

I'd rather take myself on a date then. I do all the time.

[NathanDavis]

all women feel differently...

the real special thing to do is to recognize that, in each of them... and not to assume that what you prefer to do with all of them is the right thing to do

[DarkWinterNights]

First dates should be 50/50. It leaves no room for either party to feel exploited or indebted. It’s 2024 now and we can’t just erase women’s gender roles but expect mens to stay the same.

[Jennuine]

Mandatory in the beginning.. And then dependent on work situations...

[Asker]

Exactly, it changes after the beginning stages

[KrakenAttackin]

I would never ask a woman to pay for anything on a date, but I only date honest traditional women.

Modern women? 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[HelpfulWoman]

-should be the standard unless previously discussed and AGREED to.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Nope. I'd get up and walk away. Why would a guy ask you out and can't afford to take you out?

[WhyohWhy69]

I always offer to pay half. If he says no, I offer to pay for drinks or appetizer and gratuity. He usually still says no though.

[Billlewis]

@WhyohWhy69 I'd try my hardest to dissuade you from paying one cent towards the cost of a date, because you are absolutely magnificent, and I'd consider myself lucky just to have the privilege of kissing your luscious feet afterwards.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

The one who asked for the date should pay regardless of what gender asked for it. If both agreed on 50/50 that's not my business if they have mutual a agreement. I would prefer to pay on a date also because I am the one more likely to ask for it.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

It's pretty much the same as someone who would host a party or event, The one who host should pay.

[DizzyDesii]

Preferred for the first date or two. After that we can take turns on footing the entire bill

[Anonymous]

Whoever initiated the date should pay for the date. Otherwise it’s not a date, but “hanging out”

[Anonymous]

It's a man's job to ask a woman out and pay for the date. That's just the way it is.

[JacobJordan]

Whoever asks pays. Simple. That being said I have always asked so I always paid.

[KittygosMeoWW]

I’m not opposed to it however if you’re making more money than me and ordered more food lol you should pay.

[IslaTheWitch]

I prefer to pay for myself

[IslaTheWitch]

Paying for me doesn't make me feel special. Try to find something you know I would like or something that interests me and add it to the date. It will make me feel special. It means you put an effort to get to know me.

[Asker]

I agee with, hence why I prefer just organizing something fun well in advance as for something both to look forward to whether it be a holiday, weekend getaway concert or cinema

[IslaTheWitch]

Let's agree to disagree lol

[Asker]

Nah let's disagree to agree 😜

[IslaTheWitch]

Works for me, lol

[msc545]

Women absolutely LOVE money they don't have to work for yet benefit from, and they make up a lot of excuses as to why it's ok and justified ( "Invest in me" and all that bullshit). They just want free stuff.

[Awomanof]

Going dutch is best. Because if a woman doesn't pay her date personally, a man might think a woman was his property over time

[antnd]

50/50, im not here for pay her diner, i dont meet her, we meet together. If she’s not happy, i will find another im not sad for that

[marish01]

That is how it should be

[Babygirl_S]

I am okay with it.

[jahaims]

Equal rights

[itsclearlynicholas]

Fair to me 😊

[itsclearlynicholas]

Otherwise if a guy is paying for both meals, it sounds like a guy is paying for pants lol 👖 catch my drift 😊🥴