Am I scared of commitment or is my gut saying I’m not interested?

[Anonymous]

I find myself having conflicted feelings about this guy. I’ve known him for years (we’ll call him Will) but we started off as acquaintances. It wasn’t until recently where I’ve been seeing Will around more in group settings. We are at a point where we joke around with each other and are comfortable. But I did notice recently he’s been saying and doing things that to me, come off as “you’re into me” but not in a forward way. Very respectful, like trying to feel out the situation.

I didn’t say anything to anyone and kept it to myself, but my best friend so happened to bring it up and say she noticed it too. Same with other friends, saying things like “have you ever thought about Will? You guys should try it out” so clearly it’s obvious there’s chemistry there.

But I find myself a little scared. I’m not nervous or anxious around him at all. In fact, our compatibility would be great. And he’s literally the most sincere mature kind guy I ever met. But I never been in a serious relationship before. I don’t have much experience intimacy wise, and I guess I’m scared of screwing up the dynamic of the group? So the idea of dating him terrifies me.. So anytime he flirts or does something obvious, rather go with it, I put a wall up… yet he’s on my mind a lot.
My question is, is this maybe my gut telling me he’s not the right guy, or do I have a fear of dating? Because guys I’ve dated in the past were emotionally unavailable but I found myself all in. Yet here I am now, experiencing a situation that can be very healthy and yet I’m scared..

[Anonymous]

You just have to decide if it’s worth the risk. I tried that with a guy from my old friend group. We were friends for about 3 1/2 years, at one point during that time he asked me out but never followed through due to shyness, and not feeling good enough he said. He finally asked me out, we dated for about 5 months and it wasn’t a great match, which was surprising since we were so great platonically.


Everything with the friend group was awkward after that. It was uncomfortable hanging out when he was there because he pretty much avoided me, and hard to hang out with those friends separately from him because there was always a group invite. It was about 8 months after our breakup that I stopped trying to hang out with them, and now I have no contact with them but have a whole new group of friends who actually match my lifestyle better now.


Moral of the story is I felt the risk was worth it, took it, and even though my outcome wasn’t great I’m glad I tried, otherwise I would’ve always wondered.

[Anonymous]

Something willl happen if you have the right interests. I would say though if your having to ask yourself "should I" the answer is probably your not there yet (and possibly meaning your not interested).

Your best way forward is to work out how you might feel if you didn't have Will around. Maybe even spend more time with other friends and see if you end up craving his company.

Like the other poster say, I agree you just need to decide if you want to take the risk. In all relationships, even ones that have massive chemistry, there's always a chance you'll find you regret it as much as a chance that you'll be in heaven.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It is probably both.

[riverrat3]

Not interested