We met 3 months ago, we fell for each other, we loved spending time together. We opened up, We traveled, we got really close and even encountered difficult pattern - distance. We had amazing sex, we need to explore more. We also have been going through break up from exes, same time 9 months ago.
As I mentioned we are really intimate but now we have to be on distance. He will visit me soon (in 1 month), though he also shared right now he wants to heal alone and can't really commit. He has tough time with himself. But he does not want to be 'only friends' either. We decided to not label our situation and slow down for now. We know we rushed into stuff and we have only met 3 months ago. He said he wants to know me longer so we could make serious decision like moving in to each other's country or together. Though he says he wants a relationship with me in the future.
I'm ok with slowing down, though I feel readier for relationship. I did lots of healing , he is my first guy after break up (gave not dated for 6 months). It was opposite for him - dated around, hooked up, even failed on one 1-month long rebound. So he now realized he wants to slow down , not make me a rebound and build connection slowly.
What can I do when I'm more ready? What does slowing down technically mean - not being present? Less attention? Risking to give up on intimacy for now? No sex?
Can you share advices here - I want this guy, he is great, I also have an active career so I have stuff to focus. But in relation to this guy? What boundaries do slowed down pace mean?
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Here are some suggestions for how to slow things down while still maintaining connection:
- Space out your visits/dates. Instead of seeing each other multiple times a week, try every 1-2 weeks to start. This prevents rushing intimacy.
- Limit overnight stays for now. Spending the night can easily lead to rushing back into your previous level of closeness.
- Try new low-key date ideas. Do daytime activities like hiking, movies, museums etc. rather than late night dinner/drinks where things might progress physically.
- Take intimacy slowly. Maybe minimize passionate kissing for now and focus on other forms of non-sexual affection and touching to deepen your emotional bond first.
- Communicate more. Check in regularly via calls/texts about how you're both feeling about the pace. Make sure you're on the same page.
- Pursue individual hobbies and friendships too when you're apart. This healthy separation will make interactions more special.
- Be patient with each other. Healing takes time. As long as you're both committed, a few months won't make a difference in the long run.
The goal is enjoying quality time together without rushing back into old patterns. Go slow and see how your connection deepens emotionally first before taking the next steps physically or with labels. Hope this helps give you both some guidelines!
Slow down means he will have sex with others people while he takes time to “heal” and you will wait for him while not being with anyone else lol. Ladies you are better than this! Please stop falling for this crap! Ugh 👎