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Or would that eliminate the thrill of the chase? Is there a way a girl should tell you what she wants that would be less off-putting and more appealing?
Ex 1, she indirectly lets you know what she likes by talking about what she's learned what she needs based on what other men succeeded or failed to do, whereby you can infer her needs and decide whether you can or want to be better than them.
Ex2, she directly says she likes it when men do xyz, and asks you if that works for you.
It'd cut down on a LOT of wasted time if she'd come right out and say what she wants and what kind of woman she is. It might keep you from wasting years of being with her only to find out a decade or so later that you're NOT what she's looking for.
People who DON'T know what they're looking for will go to various stores and look at lots of different versions of the stuff they wanna get before they decide on whatever comes the closest even though it's NOT exactly what they had in mind and will just settle on what they end up and try to make do with it, at least until some better version comes along. People that KNOW what they want, go to the store to buy exactly what they want and, if that store doesn't have it, they won't stop looking `til they find it and buy exactly that!
I would much rather find what I'm looking for than make do with second best or a pale facsimile until the right thing comes along.
But while shopping have you ever found something completely unexpected and realized that, now that you've found it, it is the exact thing you want? You didn't know you wanted it until, suddenly, there it was and -- WOW!!
@Caroline91 I guess, a couple times.
No guessing -- When you find exactly what you want, you KNOW it.
@Caroline91 I guess.
Okay, I gotta accept that answer -- but I guess you probably haven't found it yet.
@Caroline91 I thought I did but, ended up wasting 10 years of my life on her!!
First, she stops fucking me and claims she hates sex and was only fucking me to make ME happy! Then, I'm not allowed to kiss her, hold her hand or put my arm around her in public because it shows ownership! Then she lies to me! Then she steals from me! Then, she tells me that she's done with men but, if she ever wants to be with one again, it's gonna be me! A few weeks later (although, I didn't find out `til a year later), she starts fucking her FRIEND, David!! Then, I find out she's gonna MARRY HIM!! I ask her about how she said I was gonna be the guy for her and she says that she never said that!!
You gotta find some self-respect. When you do the work you need to do to make yourself the person you want to be, without a woman in you life, just who you really want to be, then the magic is you become a magnet for the kind of woman you would want to have in your life.
Do the work. I wish you the best.
I just prefer a girl to be honest with me and not be around the bush with me. If she is interested in me , she is best to be honest to me about what she wants with me. When a girl is honest to me, it’s a huge turn on and it makes me respect and appreciate her more. Sadly most people have a hard time being honest about what they really want , not realizing that it makes them seem untrusting and not respectful. Being honest shouldn’t be hard to do , it’s only hard for people that can’t be honest
At times, in all honesty, I just had to tell a guy "I really don't know yet. That's what I'm trying to figure out, but I do know I want to get to know you better." or "... I don't think you and I are it." And lo and behold! I did figure it out and he knows exactly who he is and I'm soooo glad he figured it out, too, and I'm his "the one"!!
When you are single and entering the dating field , You really don’t have any strings attached to anyone , if you meet someone that you are attracted to and interested in , it’s best to just be honest with them about what your true intentions are , even if you aren’t really sure what that is , it’s best not to string someone’s heart along , by telling them things that you think they want to hear. Sadly most people do this , when they meet someone new , because they are infatuated with this person , I am not going to be a hypocrite , I use to this when I was younger , not really knowing what I wanted , I was mainly thinking with my dick over anything else , I liked the attention I was receiving from beautiful girls’ not realizing I was screwing with their hearts as well , by telling them things that I thought they wanted to hear. We can all easily assume , we know what someone is thinking but the truth is , we do not. When you are single , you can date as many people as you want to , as long as you are honest , if you can’t be honest , you are only hurting yourself and hurting them as well , by thinking that you want your cake and want to eat it to. Sadly that makes you a selfish person. I can’t tell people how to live their lives and I can’t tell people this is how you should date , All I am saying is this has worked for me tremendously when I realized Just be honest , Being honest gains respect and trust with people , not being honest just causes drama and heart break. How can you really be upset with someone that is being honest with you? You might not like their honesty , but at least they are telling you the truth and not keeping secrets and lies from you. They are giving you a choice. Why I only show interest in girls’ that are honest with me. If she has to lie to me to get me into bed , that’s fine she got what she wanted but eventually the truth will shine and then I will want nothing to do with her once the truth shines I had my fair share of
Lying selfish girls’ that told me things that they thought I wanted to hear to pretty much take advantage of me , I have slept with married women and girls’ that were already in relationships that lied to me and said they were single , I also slept with girls’ that didn’t lie to me about already being in a relationship , the crazy thing is I respected those girls’ more than the ones that lied. , Yes I agree it was wrong for her to do, but she was honest to me , that she wasn’t happy in her relationship and she just wanted to feel wanted and appreciated again , Her relationship was her problem not mine. I would tell her the truth that this is just sex and nothing more until she ends her current relationship whether she was lying to me or not that was her problem. I use to feel guilty by this until I experienced girls’ doing this shit to me as well , Sadly most people
Get into relationships for all the wrong reasons and they are scared to hurt someone’s feelings , if you are unhappy in a relationship end it , but sadly
Most people don’t do that , they usually find someone else before ending the relationship, it’s just the way it goes. People cheat all the time , we can all sugarcoat it all we want but the truth is if you are cheating on your partner , that’s your answer that that relationship is over , why string them along? Oh wait it’s because you are selfish , and only care about yourself. Learn to remove selfishness when you enter a relationship and I guarantee that relationship will more than likely last the long haul over the short haul , we all are imperfect people , no one is perfect in this world , we can all easily be hypocrites , But sadly most people can’t be honest
Lotta good points there. Honestly won over the right guy for me and it's definitely been for the long haul. When I was dating, I was kind of unusual for a woman bc I dated several men at the same time and was honest about it with all of them. I agree when dating, there are no strings attached initially. But there are a lot of people out there who seem to think there ought to be strings after just a handful of dates. Over the time I was dating, I did agree to an exclusive relationship on 2 occasions with the agreed upon intent that we wanted to focus on each other to see where it could go. I did find my person.
Yea a handful of dates with someone doesn’t mean shit, until it’s official , that’s pretty much how my wife won my heart out of the other 4 girls’ I was dating , She was the one that was honest with me and told me she wants me all to herself and doesn’t want me seeing anyone else , She gave me a choice , I could of said Yes or No to her , So the way I look at it is , I am single until I agree to be in a committed relationship with anyone , We can’t read each others’ minds , if I wanted a girl to be committed to me , I would ask her not just assume
Wise woman! And you acted like a smart man.
Opinion
32Opinion
No because then they can just lie and do all those things whether they mean it or not. You must allow the man to show his true colors through courtship and time.
A woman shows her true colors during the courtship also. A smart man believes what she shows him and doesn't overlook stuff.
@Caroline91 Ok
I like bluntness and honesty. It makes things easier to deal with, and is a good starting point for discussion.
I chose ex 1 because ex 2 can come across as is bossy & entitled. Like, who the heck is she to be saying all of this to win her heart? Ex 1 gets the point across without potentially rubbing men the wrong way. Also, I'm not into the thrill of the chase. I want communication, not mystery. Mystery as to what I'm doing right or what I'm doing wrong can come across as her playing games.
GIRLS, always know what you want, but NEVER tell the man you're dating. Especially not on first date. Men can adapt to your wishes to get what they want but it never lasts. You cannot change a man. I repeat, you CANNOT change a man. Find one that actually has what you want or as close to it as you're willing to compromise.
That's some pretty good stuff. I would change *can adapt* to *often adapt*. But I do think, in all fairness, women need to not sting men along. If he isn't one that you actually want, let him go so he can find a girl who will want him for who he is.
If she's going to give me a list of all her requirements, wants, needs, and expected behaviors up front, I ask that she print it out four copies of them for me. That way, I can line both of my cat's litter boxes with them next time I change the litter.
And you would be well served to do exactly that. More power to you for holding on to who you are -- no doubt there are women out there who will appreciate the real you.
@Caroline91 Thank you. What these women don't realize at all, and I mean, they're truly clueless about it, is this: You can tell a guy EXACTLY what you want and need in a boyfriend/long term relationship. If he wants to bed you badly enough, he'll just say "that's me exactly!" and bullshit you as long as he can until he gets what he wants. There are only a few things you can ask "most men straight up from the start" that they'll be honest about. Give them a list and they'll just nod their heads and play you, exactly what you didn't want.
I think this is true of a lot of dudes, but not the *good ones*. Honestly, some girls do the same thing, by behaving like someone they really aren't, to get what they want, which is usually to get the guy locked down in a relationship. I wish people, men and women alike, would just try being honest about who they really are. Then, we could all easily figure out if we're with someone we really want to be with or move on and find someone who really is. Let's just cut out all of the wasted time and emotional drama spent on a pointless relationship. I might be attracted by a guy's looks, or mannerisms, or personality, but what I really want to know is what's his CHARACTER underneath all of that. Is he a good guy or a player? What you've suggested is a great way to quickly weed out the players. What woman shouldn't want to do that? That leads me to a question: what's the female version of a player? @Seinna I'd be interested on your thoughts on that.
@Caroline91 The problem is, if you "play" with the bad guys, they just play you back. If you play with the "good guys", you'll turn them off and lose them anyway. The answer is, don't play, but be true to yourself too. There are certain things you need to know from the start but do it tactfully.
No and I dont tell her what I'm looking for either. Just respond, I don't know but I'll know it when I see it. never give them the play book to emulate just long enough for her to benefit and then stop when no longer necessary
u no thanks... I want to fall for her and to get to know her
for these kind of dull paperwork I go to the bank... lol
I would prefer she cut to the chase and let me know what she is looking for in a boyfriend, that way I can see if I fit the bill. No point in wasting her time if I'm not what she is looking for.
So, Ex 2 Strategy.
Obviously. If she doesn't and it turns out u werent what she was looking for then thats a big waste of time. If she cares about that stuff then its in her to let us know what she's looking for as early as possible
Bad things, it's going to stress him and he's to get away; things need to go to the pace of them if not they feel suffocated and either cheat or ghost you.
The more data the better. But ideally she'd state what she wants to try, and then it can be tried... and hopefully she won't take it personally if it doesn't work perfectly the first time. I mean that is what experimentation is about.
Different strategy. Playful, reserved mature, yet fun, sometimes or rarely suggestive, and humour. Not too much. Yet humour. Yet gives me the lead of the show. 98 percent of the time 😂
I don't wanna be overshadowed. Yet I don't wanna feel like it's all about me and she's like 😞😔
Keep it simple that's my motto. If you can avoid trial and error and a guessing game yes go for that that way there's less time wasted
To me a first and second date are to just to see if there is potential, so it would be appropriate for her to tell me if I do or do not fit her basic standards.
It can be a bit off putting to tell a guy what he has to do. (I would just say see ya later) your not the boss of me. That type of thing. So I would go with the stories & details ex1.
Whatever works for her, but preferably no chase. I just us to get a good idea of how compatible we are at a comfortably steady speed. I’m want to find my wife asap.
I like to know directly, but same time I feel like guys looking to use a young lady would take advantage.
A relationship is not just what the girl wants. I think most women have completely lost sight in this.
The "right" ones haven't.
I think most guys would like a little intel from the girl. Makes things easier as long as it's not a long detailed impossible list.
Ex1. I don’t want to feel obligated to fulfill some sort of specified designation for her…
Yes. It would give me a pretty good idea of how compatible we are.
I'll do whatever she wants as long as I get a BJ on the first date and pussy by the second. Then I'll most likely dump her.
@Peridot25 So far I'm about 70%.
What a peach!
Yes I prefer not to waste the time of either party involved.
I like it when she is explicit and tells me exactly what she wants.
Just cut to this chase. I want to know if it’s going to work as soon as possible so neither one of us waste’s our time.
i just like to explore, she doesn't say anything
Not really no she wouldn't get any of it from me
This would be exceptional
If she was hot, yes.
I would friend zone her.
I like the direct approach.
Both is good but I like blunt
So do I, but I don't smoke them.
Tell me upfront
I love that idea!
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