When it comes to dating: Is leading with sex ever a good idea?

Question

Particularly for women, but I guess also for anybody who doesn't want to date "just for fun."  Should you NOT lead with sex if you're looking for something serious with someone? Does it just depend?

Crazyced · Accepted Answer

What does 'lead with sex' mean? I don't think you need to have sex on the 1st night. But I do believe it's important for men to build sexual tension. It's not something women usually have to think about much, as they usually just observe the end result (does she have sexual attraction or not) but it's important for men to get that dosed just right. And this can be different for every women. And even then every woman could find different pace acceptable depending on the individual man.

But regardless. While 'friendship first' can work, in general I'd say it's important for the man to build sexual tension and escalate things at a certain pace if he want a relation that is more then platonic. Nothing worst then a man taking his time playing the long game only to have her talk to him about her new beau that evidently didn't beat around the bush.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It doesn’t really matter , all that matters is both people choose each other , and want the same things , why it’s best to be honest with someone that you are reallly interested in , and tell them the truth about what you are looking for , not just tell them things that you think they want to hear. Honesty os a huge turn on , that sadly most people are hesitant about , mainly because they are nervous that the person they like , will lose interest in them , when really that is pretty stupid to do , if someone loses interest in you , because you were honest to them, do you really want to be with that someone based off of lies? , me
Personally would rather be with someone that is honest with me over someone that lies to me. When a girl is honest with me , her chances of getting me in bed increases tremendously.

shoeboxcerealcard · Accepted Answer

The only thing that matters is that you both want the same type of relationship.
That is the 1st order of business... Period

Have sex right away or don't, it doesn't matter. What matters is do you both want the same type of relationship.

The biggest mistake everyone makes is focusing on individuals instead of relationships. A person isn't what you desire. A relationship is what you desire. All your fear, around dating, will leave you once you understand that.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

Sure, but don't be surprised then when that is all they want out of you. 😫 I don't think that sex in itself has ever built an everlasting relationship, while love does.

coachTanthony · Answer

Sex is supposed to be treasured. It's something unique and special between two people... leading with it makes it cheap and plentiful making it seem you can get it from anywhere

DaveJord · Answer

If you want and are looking for sex, then yes its a good thing. But that is not what I would consider dating, leading with sex seldom works out in the long run.

HawkPerception · Answer

I strongly believe that conversations should happen first to see if you're compatible, however people get to know one another at very different rates. If you're highly compatible, it usually takes much less time to get to know the other person.

If you have similar views, interests, ways of thinking and communicating, sense of humor, goals in life, and physical and sexual compatibility, then you'll likely be on the same wavelength much faster than than with someone you don't have a lot in common with.

I believe in going with the flow. Yes putting out too early can definitely lower the opinion of the person if you don't have good compatibility, however if you have good compatibility and everything is flowing, then it can bring you closer to one another and bond you faster.

Don't be afraid to fall in love.

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

dolemite58 · Answer

I think having sex quickly is fine as long as a girl isn’t doing it often. There’s a difference between the girl that sleeps with a new guy every few weeks and the girl whose usually in a long term, committed relationship but on the rare occasion she is single has sex on the first date with a guy she wants to be her boyfriend. I’ve had really good relationships start from hooking up on the first night we hung out together 🤷‍♂️ anytime a girl has made it a specific point to make me wait x amount of times hanging out before sex, the sex was usually bad/she wasn’t that into me.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

I personally think it doesn't matter whether the relationship started with sex or they waited for it. When a person really likes you they will stay whether you initiated sex or not. 🙂 As long as they have mutual chemistry and have established trust for each other, I see nothing wrong with initiating it.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

You know what kills the potential for relationships? Expectations of outcome.
You know why? Everything you say or do is contrived to achieve THAT outcome.
If you’re focused on getting laid, you’re not laying the groundwork for a meaningful connection. If you are focused on a more meaningful connection, you’re ruling out the sexual energy which some would argue is actually essential to the aforementioned meaningful connection.
Don’t try to control the outcome. Let nature take its course. If it feels right but is moving too quickly toward sex and that’s not what you want, set the boundary. If it feels natural but there’s too little sexual tension, set the boundary. Only when know what you want and need, and your potential mate can effectively communicate their wants & needs and nobody is trying to control the outcome can a lasting meaningful connection occur without leaving someone feeling like they were manipulated or used.

strateguy632 · Answer

depends what lead means. planning it for after dinner is a bad idea, but,

after a smooth date inviting me inside has happened, rarely, after we had already reached agreement about getting to know each other. still idealy wait until marriage.

CriticalCatDad123 · Answer

No, it is not a good idea. The first time I met my ex in person when we were together the first thing she did was take me to her bedroom at her dad’s house to have sex. We didn’t though and long story short she cheated on me after I moved across the state from my hometown to go to college to be closer to her. 🤷🏻‍♂️ so in my experience my advice is no.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

No, not in my opinion. The way I've always approached dating and relationships is that I basically don't believe there's such a thing as casual sex. At the most whimsical, there's serious sex that you're rolling the dice on.

Sex is pretty much the most intimate and personal thing you can do with another human being, and the idea of leading into a relationship with that most intimate thing is extremely bold.

TadCurious · Answer

Bella I have to admit that in the past I've had sex on a first date. But I don't think that's a good idea anymore. I think you need to get to know each other better.  🙂

Pohjolan · Answer

You shouldn't act less interested when you want to take dating seriously but sleep with the guy at the same point as you would otherwise.

I mean imagine if the gal in front of you in a queue would order a coffee for 2 $ but the same cashier would ask you 10 $ for the same coffee. How would you react?

DishLady · Answer

In one way or another sex is kind of "leading" things — you're not dating just because you want something to do. You're there because you're drawn to the other person… partially because of some sexual appeal.

Solace0 · Answer

I think that yes, it can be a good idea- depending on the circumstances, and the people involved. Whether someone feels comfortable doing so is the biggest variable.

Personally, I like to make sure myself and a prospective partner are sexually compatible before we get serious. In a long term relationship, good sex is a must for me, and you just don't know until you try.

That said, this method isn't for everyone. Hell, it likely isn't even for most people- simply how I feel about the topic at hand. Try before you buy, I say.

Tyler2 · Answer

The fact that more women shown to answer yes, just proves why men these days don't want to date. Most men want families and stability and so many women are going down the sex only path. This poll only supports the stats in America that there are far more single young people than ever before.

BCRanger10 · Answer

I think sex ought to wait until marriage because doing so will (or again, ought to) help couples better prioritize what is important to them if they want marriage to begin with.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Nope, I would never lead with sex.

Fuentes · Answer

Lead with sex that's all im about, so Bella what's good tho?

Anonymous · Answer

I'd say wait at least a two or three months before having sex.

There are plenty of guys out there who are just interested in getting in your pants. If that's all they want, they're not going to work for 2-3 months just to score.

Every guy who is pursuing you is going to want to have sex. However, guys who want more than sex are going to be willing to put in a lot more work and will be willing to be a lot more patient.

Also, it makes your first time a lot more fun.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m sorry but I want to have fun and have my pleasure.
Life is already too boring and miserable for me to not focus on the sex.

There’s already too much work-load and bosses treating you wrong , for me not to have my sexual fun 🖕

I need to focus on the SIZE, he brings, and the performance he has. If he doesn’t have these. why the fuck am I wasting my time?

worldscolide · Answer

Nah it's actually a red flag for me when I was dating, if sex was on offer right away. I don't do casual sex.

Apple1996 · Answer

Never a good idea. You gotta make him work for it

Kit_Kat88 · Answer

I think if you want a guy to take you seriously as a potential partner then you shouldn’t lead with sex. He’ll respect you more if you wait and lead with your personality.

MicahRaine · Answer

I think it depends. For me and my girlfriend, we were happy to have sex right away because we've already known each other for so long and waited to date until the time was right 🤷‍♂️

Redstang88 · Answer

For the hundredth time - if we like a girl we like her, when she puts out has little to no impact on that

Wise4myage · Answer

Not a good idea to pursue sex so soon after meeting someone.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I don't date lol. That train left lol 🚆🚂 yet I don't mind. I figure that at 30 I'd rather not still pretend I'm as prime as 20. Lol 😂😆

JHAYES317 · Answer

I’d say no…because if you think about it, nobody is good at sex in their 70s & 80s, so if you want a decades spanning relationship, you gotta be willing to live with bad or infrequent sex.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Guys won’t take you seriously if you do that. Neither will girls.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Some won't agree but sum including me would say it's not a bad idea

TaureanBull81 · Answer

If you're both sexual people, are dating one another and led with sex, it isn't a problem at all because at some stage if the chemistry ⚗️ is there you'll end up naked and road testing each other during the horizontal mambo 🤣😉😋

Jennz6 · Answer

I’m a dancer 💃

dudeinohio · Answer

If you and the guy are into. each other, go for sex.

Iron_Man · Answer

No, not at all

smahala1991 · Answer

Sometimes sex can lead to dating

NathanDavis · Answer

I've never dated for sex

eagle1951 · Answer

nope

Slim57 · Answer

No I don't think so

When it comes to dating: Is leading with sex ever a good idea?

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What Girls & Guys Said

Nope, I would never lead with sex.

How much sex talk is ok during early dating for a serious intended realtionship?

When it comes to dating: Is leading with sex ever a good idea?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Nope, I would never lead with sex.

How much sex talk is ok during early dating for a serious intended realtionship?

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