Guy mentions his high libido after first date. What to do with this situation?

[Anonymous]

First date went really well. He and I have a lot in common and got to know he had really bad experiences with women. Also, his interest in me was super clear. I could tell he found in me the qualities he is looking for and that I’m kind and believe in equality in relationship and don’t feel entitled to be treated like a queen and showered with expensive gifts.
End of date, we hugged and it was later he told me he was expecting a kiss but since we stepped out of the place we met at and onto a busy road, I didn’t feel that moment and didn’t go for it although I liked the date. His body language was for a hug and I didn’t feel he was leaning for a kiss.

Because I told me me that he is ok and it’s up to me to decide if I want to date further so I came home and sent a message saying I liked meeting him and would like to know him more. He also replied and said the same but he also told me that he has high libido and he felt that I’m traditional and won’t explore different ways of sexual acts like different positions. He said he likes to do it at least 3 times a week. We got into a discussion on chat and I told him that I’m misunderstood as traditional but I do want to explore my sexuality with my partner. Then I got really irritated and told him to decide what he wants to do with us. He expressed his interest again that he wants to know me more and also wrote “hopefully you dont get scared”.

i don’t know what to make of this situation. He is otherwise well educated with a good stable job and considerate attitude who believes in family and marriage. Are there any red flags here? Do guys expect this intense sexual intimacy? What do I do? Please help me.

[BarryLiverstone]

Seems like you had a first date and there is interest in having a 2nd. He is mentioning his sexual interests for the future and not right now. What are your boundaries and expectations?

[BarryLiverstone]

I see no red flags. People do expect intimacy at some point in a committed relationship

[Asker]

Thanks so much for looking at it rationally! I’m sure you will give me wise advise. I just feel that his sexual needs are too intense and they will be hyper always. I feel I won’t be comfortable to try any intense sexual stunts aka positions and that might turn him off. For example, I didn’t kiss after first date and he felt that strongly and said “no kiss”. I thought that guys usually read a woman’s body language and are ok if a kiss doesn’t happen on first date. This makes me feel he has strong physical demands. My expectation is to have a reasonable sexual life with my partner where I engage reasonably 1-2 times and am not expected to be hyper active every week (like more than 3 will exhaust me and I may stop enjoying it).
What do you suggest?

[BarryLiverstone]

I can give advice. Whether it’s wise or not could be subjective ;)

Kissing in the first date usually comes down to vibes and expectations. If you both expected to kiss it would have happened. I’d say he didn’t kiss you because he was trying to hold back and get to know you more.

His texting of sexuality after the date could have just been him boasting. Clearly he’s not needing sex 3 times a week because he is surviving now. From a guys perspective that’s a general fear that if the girl thinks he is impotent or sexually incapable in some way he may fear rejection. So he overdoes the expectations when in reality he may be ok with good sex once a week. Regardless that’s all future activity and in a committed relationship.

Regarding the details and intensity of sex and positions that is negotiable between both partners and ideally will grow over time. If he has more experience he could teach you as you open up and want to learn more. He can start in a vanilla way and keep it where you feel safe and comfortable. It’s also possible again he’s boasting to try and turn you on mentally as he may have seen these positions on porn or read about them.

The reality is you had a good first date and can go on a 2nd date to learn more about him and see if the connection can stay strong. Likely he will want to kiss you and if you feel good about it then go for it. If he tries to do something you are not comfortable with just tell him. If he likes you and is a good guy he will not want to upset you.

[Asker]

If he is simply boasting then that’s not good but I understand that guys will do it to appeal to the woman they are talking to.
Your advise shows maturity and wisdom and I’m glad you gave me this perspective. I will see him again and take it from there. In a way, it is test for him as you mentioned that if he likes me genuinely and is good guy then he will not want to upset me. I can’t thank you enough!

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Feel free to let me know how it goes. Your fears are valid based on what you described but I hope he tests you well and you feel excited to spend more time with him.

[Asker]

Thank you! I’ll be sure to update you soon how it goes! Have a great day!

[Asker]

Hey, so I just wanted to run this by you. He and I had long discussion about the sexual expectations. I told him that I’m willing to explore my sexuality and also mentioned to him that I’m not as experienced as he is. To that, he said it’s fine and told me that if I want it then I should be willing for it and if I’m not then may be I have low sex drive or its not important to me and so in that case, I should look for a companion than a husband. I clarified to him that I’m willing. During this discussion, I had told him that I’m leaving it on him to decide what he wants and he said that he for sure wants to know me more.
After I told him I’m willing, He sent me kissing smiley emoji and I also sent the same back to him. We talk on bumble so now it’s on him to message (bumble would be showing him a message indicating he needs to make a move now as I’m last to reply). I feel that I don’t need to message him after sending the emoji because after the date, I was the one who let him know that I want to know him more. I even shared my phone number and told him I was ok to continue chatting on bumble or move to texts. He hasn’t shared his phone number yet. During and at the end of the date, he expressed his interest in me and I could tell that he really enjoyed meeting me. He had also told me that he was ok with anything and that it was my decision if I wanted to take this ahead for us to see each other again.
Now, since I’ve just sent the last kiss emoji, I feel that I shouldn’t try to continue the conversation as I’ll look desperate because I already told him that I want to know him more, and after the whole sex debate, any further communication or attempts need to come from him. What do you think about this? Do you think I’m wrong?

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope you are not wrong. You communicated what you expect sexually and gave him your phone number, let him know you want to see him again. It’s ok to let him reach back out to you

[Asker]

Thanks! Good to know I’m handling this the right way. When I shared my number, I did tell him that I want to know him more. Then the whole sexual debate started. I think after sending the kiss emoji back to him, it’s now on him keep the conversation going as he also told that he wants to know me more. So, I don’t have to send any more message. Am I right to think this way?

[BarryLiverstone]

No. You may need to send more depending on what happens over time. What day was the first date and does he work on the weekend?

[Asker]

We matched on last Saturday and started chatting same day. Then he asked me out on same day and we decided and met on Tuesday. He doesn’t work on weekends

[BarryLiverstone]

So this is really new. You met on Tuesday but not sure if that’s a full date. I’d say if you wanna see him this weekend you could suggest something you are doing and ask if he wants to join you. That can be a message tomorrow if you wait 24 hours and he hasn’t yet replied

[Asker]

It was a proper first date and we spoke for about 2 hours. We talked about everything under the sun regarding relationships, family, marriage and our expectations.
I’ll think about some activity and message him about it later tomorrow evening. Hopefully he replies before so the communication gets easy with him.

[Asker]

I also wish him replies as that will tell me he is genuinely interested in knowing me and is making effort

[Asker]

wish he*

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes if he replies that’s best. Follow me on here if you wanna get more ideas this week. Ty

[Asker]

Will do, thanks so much!

[Anonymous]

He can’t provide for his women? What does he offer as a man. Rather date a women. He’s for the streets

[Anonymous]

no wonder he had bad experiences with women

[Asker]

He told me most women he went on date with asked him to pay the bill and one even said, don’t buy her flowers but buy her jewelry.
His girlfriend broke up with him because she told him he was too good for her. I doubt any girl will leave a man who is better than her. I’m assuming may be she was turned off by his high libido or there could be something else that happened that I’m not aware of.
Do I go on second date with him to find out more and then I can bail out if he turns out to be a red flag?