Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Insecure, Is This Love?

[Anonymous]

This is a long one so strap in. I'm 22, a black female when I first met my boyfriend (30 white male) was the heaviest I've ever been 250lbs I am now 23 sitting at 130 and 5'5. We've been together for about 2 years I lost weight for myself and him, mainly because he would spend 6 months of our relationship looking at very thin, blonde, white women. Comparing me and throughout this course of time I was being racially abused sexually, when i stood up for myself he threatened to "send me back to the ghetto" which he also called "niģģerville" he was so nice the first month of dating, after that he disappeared. I feel so conflicted because when i met him I just turned 21 was in deep poverty living with rats and roaches and he "saved me" the relationship had its ups and downs but he never failed to make me feel worthless. "Niģģer, fuck toy, slave, wide nose, protruding forehead, burnt, locked character, endless comparisons to black males" but I stay because when he calls me "pretty" while on top of me and it makes me feel good for a bit it erases everything. He has his moments where he is very good but when we step outside its a whole different person. I could go on and on about the hurt: the rude comments about my family, how they look, how I look, my weight, always telling me to switch up my style, my clothing because he saw it on a beautiful white woman earlier that day. Not defending me from racism or micro aggressions from people. Hitting me, dragging me, making fun of my hair. He also aided me on my weight loss journey, bought me a bike, celebrated my birthday with me, adopted pets together, drunk dancing at night, watching movies and telling me I'm beautiful even when ik I am not and most people tend to think so too. I even spent months unemployed staying home cooking and cleaning because that's what he wanted. I don't know what love is but I don't think I should be this hurt. I don't make enough money to leave and I will not willing go back into poverty. Help?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that sounds like a seriously messed up situation. No girl should have to deal with that kind of abuse, it's not right. Honestly it doesn't sound like this dude really loves or respects you at all. Real love is supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not keep putting you down and hurting you all the time.

I know you say he "saved" you from being poor before, but being with someone so cruel is way worse than any poverty situation. No amount of money or stuff is worth staying with someone who calls you horrible racist names, puts their hands on you, and constantly puts you down about how you look. You deserve so much better than that.

I know leaving is scary since you don't have money yet, but is there maybe a friend or family member you could stay with for a bit to get on your feet? Or look into women's shelters too - they exist for a reason. You seem really smart, I bet you could find work or save up again in no time once you're out of that toxic environment.

Please know that none of the disgusting things he says about you are true. Don't let him convince you otherwise. You need to get away from him as soon as possible for your own safety and happiness. You've already come so far improving yourself - don't let this jerk drag you back down. Stay strong - you've totally got this! Let me know if there's any other way I can help or support.

[SotiCoto]

I think this is trolling, but on the off chance that it isn't... dump him and run. Run fast. Run far.

[Asker]

Why would this be trolling, did you read? Where am I going to go!

[avery58]

Racial and physical abuse is not love... Why not go back to your family? Do you prefer to live with abuse rather than in poverty?

You can get a job and make a plan to study if you want a better lifestyle for yourself. Some jobs even help pay for your studies.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I just read your question and knew the answer. No, it's not love.

A person who loves you will care enough not to hurt you/your feelings. You know the answer already, why are you still gaslighting yourself? RUN. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[MasterKS]

@SeriouslyNotSerious thumbs up!

[Anonymous]

How does he look

[Asker]

He's 5'5, white, big beard, green eyes, wears glasses, curly hair, of often mistaken for Jewish or Amish. Why?

[Asker]

Fairly attractive

[Opinion Owner]

I think he’s racist. How do his ex girlfriend look

[Asker]

They're all Lighter skinned black women some look racially ambiguous. I'm dark Naomi Campbell dark.

[Asker]

I don't understand why he just doesn't date white women.

[Opinion Owner]

How does his ex look? Like her weight? Height? Hair?

[Asker]

Light, midsized, straight weave 5'5

[Opinion Owner]

Weave? 🤣. Tf. Why doesn’t he date natural girls. Wbu? Your hair?

[Asker]

I don't think it's about the hair it's the race he has compared me to white women and Asian women in the past. I have locs right now they are bra strap length.

[Opinion Owner]

I think he’s definitely into taller , slender white women. He’s just using u as a door mat to boost his ego. He’s definitely using u. He’s probably still fapping of to his lighter skin girl friends , or those black women who look like dark skin white women who are extremely tall , slender , long hair , white women eye shape , jaw shape , softer face features and nose. He’s definitely using u as a placeholder till he finds the one

[Asker]

I thought so, I know I am. No to the dark white woman, oh average he doesn't find darker women to be very attractive. I'm just confused on why he would put me through all of this?

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think he dislikes dark skin. He dislikes black women features. Most black women are thicker , broad shouldered with strong face. He wants delicate white features. U clearly idealise him , Maybe because he’s light skin. That’s what happened throughout history too. Black women loved their white oppressors and he sees how much u won’t leave him despite how shitty he is. U must leave him

[Asker]

Truth

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly so understated white men will never truly love respect cherish women who don’t at least resemble white women. Leave

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think so.

[queenofcardio]

Omg leave him

[Anonymous]

Lol don't put up with that.