Can any guy give me advice I don’t have any guy friends?

[Anonymous]

Pls go easy and be kind I’m just looking for advice I lost my mom and grandma less than a month apart from each other while seeing this guy and my mom went abruptly after her 48th bday & it has really fucked me up (also this is summarized just need sound advice and hit the bases of what is bothering me) also (SN: we hung out and did movie night at his place like 3 times and we went to eat like the month after my mom passed but I couldn’t eat anything I had to force myself to eat but in the 4yrs that’s it and I’m just kind of over it, grieving my mom is already a lot for me and he doesn’t seem to care) I need help I’ve been seeing someone for 4 years we met on an dating app and we have never gone on dates, I always ask to hangout but it’s always some excuse or he makes last minute plans to leave town, I asked multiple times to go out on dates; nothing, to do things with him but nothing has happened…he tells me I never set anything up but I did, he either leaves me on read or something has come up I’m constantly asking for time outside of Netflix and chill or sex only to be unanswered and when I voice my feelings he doesn’t acknowledge them I have tried asking him instead and things still have not changed I constantly feel alone like I’m putting in all the effort and when I address things it seems like it’ll change but then things are just like before but he gives intimacy, durning and after sex some times he’ll be affectionate like kissing my forehead or cuddling when we aren’t being sexually but it just seems I’m either a placeholder and he’s not interested/wants just sex or he’s super EA; I have asked if he wants to something long term with me he said yes but acts the opposite I ask if sex is all he wants he says no but it doesn’t feel that way. every time I try 2 tell my feelings and things that should change he thinks I’m attacking him or trying to start conflict and granted when I ask serious questions about the relationship I get vague answers what should I do?

[Finchie40]

I’m sorry to hear about your loss , I just lost my mom last year and my life spiraled down after that , losing my Mom messed me up big time , I honestly didn’t think it would impact me the way that it did but it did. So my heart goes out to you. And I want you to know , you aren’t alone. I know it’s easier said than done but know you aren't alone. As for your boyfriend , you need to kick him to the curb where he belongs , he only likes the convenience of you , the sex , and sadly that’s all he wants from you , from what you described in your question. If he truly valued you and appreciated you , he would be by your side as much as possible , the fact that he doesn’t respond to you within reasonable time , when you reach out to him is a huge Red Flag , When a guy loves and values a girl , she becomes his top priority the same way she makes him hers. I don’t care what anyone says , but if you are not his top priority? You need to kick him to the curb and realize you deserve better than that shit. He is just using you for sex and sadly nothing more. He likes that he can have his way with you , whenever it’s convenient for him. I have encountered girls’ that pulled this shit with me as well and the best thing that I did , was kick these selfish bitches to the curb where they belong. Never invest your time into someone that isn’t investing the same or equivalent time to you in return. You will only be hurting yourself by thinking this guy actually loves and values you , he only loves and values himself. You can be any girl to him , because he can have that relationship all by himself , you are just a toy for him to pick up when it’s convenient for him. Do yourself a favor girl and end all ties with this guy, he doesn’t appreciate you , he enjoys the convenience of you , and I hate to tell you this but you are best to go get tested for STD’s because I guarantee your boyfriend is sticking his dick into other girls’ as well, whether he is or not , it’s best to go make sure. When a guy loves a girl , he makes her his top priority , never settle for less. It takes 2 seconds to respond to someone you love not days

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm very sorry you lost your Mum and Grandma so close together. You barely had the time to grieve properly for your Grandma before losing your Mum. There is no way that wouldn't have a severely adverse effect on you.

I think though, you have become far too reliant on this guy because of what happened. It's not healthy for you, or for him. I would question that had you have not been subjected to those terrible events 4 years ago, you might have ended things with him! I still think you would be better off with a very good guy friend who looks out for your wellbeing, than a boyfriend who I'm sorry to say looks to me as if is using you for sex!

As you say though you have no other guy friends to advise you, what about other family members or female friends? People that care about you and have your best interests at heart?

So what can you do? Well, firstly I think you should search around where you live for some form of social clubs. Places where you can go for those who have suffered bereavement, or on their own looking for friends! Then and hopefully, once you realise what it's like to have some real friends you will decide maybe the guy you are with, is just not right for you.

Try and stay strong, and remember you don't have to go through everything alone. You just need to be clever in knowing where to look for help!

[Asker]

So my mom and grandma passed during the honeymoon phase of trying to get to know each other so it’s been about more like 3yrs since they both passed, but no I don’t really have anyone close for advice my closet friend aren’t as morally correct as I am they would tell me to be promiscuous & sleep around and that’s not okay with me honestly and as far as family none that I’m close to outside my mom and sister but my sister doesn’t date at all never has she’s the baby and honestly my mom was the glue so my family hasn’t recovered from her being gone we weren’t super close before she passed but her passing sealed the separation and there was so much fighting over trivial things like money because she left it in my name instead of splitting it 4 ways and I’m not even the oldest sibling I’m the second oldest and I didn’t know what I was doing and the one person that could help me let me make all her arrangements by myself I was only like 24 I had just moved out own my own for the first time so needless to say my head was not clear at all to make any proper decisions and thank you for you kind words and advice it was really helpful and insightful

[TommyMountainFigure]

You can add me to your friends list on here, and I will always do my best to give you the most helpful advice I can. I'm married happily, so you don't need to worry about my motives either.. And no, the VERY last thing I think you need is to be told you should sleep around.
As I said up there.. you need a friend.. someone you can trust, someone that will never hurt you or use you! Until you find someone who can be there for you in person, I'm happy to help.

[Valdemort]

Leave.
The guy hasn't taken you on a date, he's gaslighting you saying you don't initiate things, and making you doubt whether he cares at all... quite simply put: the answer is no.
If he does care, it's not enough to see your value and invest in you.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Vegasrunner]

Sorry for your loss. Part of the difficulties for females who believe they are currently on the "dating" market is society, provides u w/ advice to make you feel good, while simultaneously allowing u to absolve yourself of responsibility. Most of the comments I suspect tell you that you should leave, men are treated as options and the belief that there's another guy right around the corner. What u and I know and what u are probably struggling to come to grips w/ is that because of the things mentioned b4 all the "dating" leverage actually has been handed over to the top 20% of men, sounds like this guy is in the top 20% and you realize that if you do "leave" where are u going to find someone like him again? As a HV man who has been on the other side of this situation countless times. I'll give u his perspective and u can make the best decision for you. We place women in one of 2 categories girlfriend or Sex only. He has placed you in the sex only category and it's almost impossible to get out, your recent losses have turned him into the emotional sounding board you need and he has traded that for sex. By not acknowledging your feelings, he's keeping u tied to him because women need to vent, and, the more it's bottled up the more frustrated u get an conversely the more valuable your time with him becomes, which provides him a constant opening to get what he wants.

[Asker]

No Ik he’s not my only option I’m just someone who respects people I’m involved by not entertaining other people I’m like that with everyone tho I also try place myself in the others shoes and I can’t really be empathetic to everyone in those situations and have to be more aware and really trust my gut better, thank you for the advice is was really helpful I appreciate it.

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker I'm not saying he's your only option the issue is can you find a better option.

[RavVid]

First my sympathies on your double loss. Unexpected loss of your mother at only 48 will be difficult to bear.

Your boyfriend should be comforting you in this period. A lot of people have difficulty in dealing with death and nobody has a magic wand to make it better. He should at least see that you need his comfort as a boyfriend and to be tolerant and understanding of your need of him.

To be honest he doesn't seem to have the minimum of compassion. I rarely advocate breaking up but I just don't see you have anything in this relationship if - as it appears - he is not willing to be there for you whilst you are grieving your loss.

So I would say find a better guy.

In terms of your loss it is right that you should be grieving. Anything else would mean they weren't anything to you and of course that is not so. I think the better way to grieve is to remember what they were to you. All those special moments you had with them. What made them who they were.

There is solace in that.

[Gert_Mittengard]

I recommend quitting casual dating and seek God through the catholic church. Then find a partner who is catholic whom loves God after you've sought out a relationship with God yourself.

If you Put God at the center of the relationship, it will last for a lifetime. Casual dating with no commitment leads to chaos lust, misery and much worse. Jesus is always ready to love you. Start praying, and things will get better, that especially goes for the rosary.

May God Bless you, and Mary Keep you.

[Nirmroth]

The answer is he isn't interested in something serious or long term with you but values the sex and intimacy you give him and tries to keep you around by beeing vague as much as possible about your relationship.

I am sorry but that guy will 100% dip you when he finds a girl he is interested in.

[Asker]

Thank you, this was helpful

[bobby_bush_eater]

Lots of good advice here and I agree leave. A man who leads you along for this long does not have any good intention for you. In all that time if a guy really cares or likes you he'll make an effort, you shouldn't have to beg for it. Move on from him and keep trying

[Asker]

Thank you this was helpful

[MisterWack]

Break up with him, if you feel like he doesn’t acknowledge or understand your frustrations, feelings, emotions, etc.

If you feel he is being distant until it comes to sex or whatever then maybe it is best to break up with him.

Just let him go, it is over if this is what you truly feel. You have no obligation to stay with him.

[RingOfFire]

Break up and open yourself to someone new. This is not going to go anywhere. He's using you.

Make a clean break, the sooner the better because you need someone who is supportive and is interested in more than just sex.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice

[RingOfFire]

You're welcome and good luck. You deserve better than this. 4 years is more than enough time to know he is not committed to anything beyond the superficial.

[shortster]

If he can't take you out on a date; you should dump him and find someone who will. It sounds like he just wants you as a booty call.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight

[shortster]

You're welcome

[Loner111]

It sounds like all he wants with u is someone to stick his dick into when he needs it. He's stringing u along to keep u around for when he has his needs.

If he was serious about u, it would be more than what u have. U guys would living together and etc.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight

[Twalli]

He isn't looking for any longer time than it takes hum to find a hotter girl who will have sex with him.
As for being sad about their death, think of it this way. You're sad because you can't make anymore goid memories with them. Bit that's only because you have good memories with thrm. Remember the good memories l, and be happy you have those.

[rebeliouse]

actions speak louder than words if he is not what you want ditch him find someone else that fulfils you

[rebeliouse]

follow me we can chat

[Asker]

Sure, thank you this was helpful

[SotiCoto]

If you're looking for validation for your decision to do what you want to do then fine... your concerns are valid... dump that reprobate.
If you're not sure... flip a coin... and think about how concerned you are over the outcome.

[Asker]

Correct and I guess I’m really looking on advice on how to end things as well because I’m ready after processing my grief for my loved ones I’m ready to close the door on this with a clear head …. but just not sure how; I just wanted to ghost him and never call or text or see other again like we never met

[Staximus]

You've been filling around with this guy for 4 years and he's never taken you out on a date? Never taken you out for lunch or dinner or to do anything fun? That should have been a red flag after the first month, let alone 4 years.

[AngryCarl]

I can give advice, in fact that's what I'm here for. Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, this guy you've never met or dated in 4 years is a flake. You shouldn't waste another second of your valuable time on him.

[Asker]

Thank you this helps ally

[Asker]

*a lot

[edmwarrior]

You might be overthinking, or you might be getting played. I can’t tell unless I hear his side of the story.

[gorydetails]

Do you want male friends, or do you want advice over why you're treated like a breathing fuck doll when you tolerate that behavior?

[thisAppIsGarbage]

Way to many words. If you can't say it in 5 sentences you don't know enough about what is wrong for me to fix it.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Cut the guy off. He’s not worth your time and he doesn’t really respect you either

[Makeushiver]

Sure ask anything either n publicly nor privately.