Am I an Illegible Bachelor?

[Anonymous]

Long story short: I moved in with my parents after undergrad a years ago because one of them started having medical issues. My other parent is not able to pay all of the bills and also has some medical issues as well. As the oldest of three siblings I have taken over the majority of household bills so my brothers can continue college/work and high school. I am extremely grateful to make enough money to help my family, but my dating life since post undergraduate hasn't been great. I have regular looks, I'm average height at 6' tall. I'm also working on my Masters and will be finished in the next month (thankfully with no debt). I am currently working a full time and a part time job (approximately 60-65hrs a week). I still want to help put my younger brothers through school too. I find time to work out at least 5 days a week. I make time for my family and their medical appointments. And I attend church services at least every other week. I am fortunate to also have great friends in my life too. I occasionally go out and try to meet women, but I have had limited success. The dating apps have not helped either.

My problem: I can't find someone to date who understands my circumstances even though I have made time to date. Most women I meet are understandably looking for a man who has his life together. They are looking for a man who is available and financially secure. My schedule and financial obligations don't make me the best option for most women who are ready to date seriously or possibly settle down. I'm usually always busy even though I try to stay flexible. I'm not blaming them for my circumstances I just want to know how I can find someone to work with my schedule?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, I feel you. Your situation is tough but really admirable that you're taking care of your family like that. A few thoughts:

- Be upfront about your situation on apps/when you meet women. Getting it out there early avoids misunderstandings.

- Emphasize your positive qualities too - driven, caring, goal-oriented. Not just responsibilities.

- Look for women in a similar phase of life. Perhaps others still in school or careers just starting who get the busy schedule.

- Quality over quantity dates. Schedule deliberately around your availability. Cafes/parks avoid pressure of expensive spots.

- Lean on friends to set you up if your schedule ain't social. Get wingmen to vouch you're a catch under the circumstances.

- Once you find an understanding girl, reassure her your family duties won't interfere with the relationship long term.

- Consider temporarily reducing one job to carve out more free time as Masters ends.

You seem like a standup guy. With patience and focusing on quality over quantity, I'm sure there's women who will appreciate what you bring to the table. Keep at it!

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice man, I appreciate the help.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem dude, happy I could offer some perspective. Dating is tough enough as it is without added responsibilities weighing you down. But don't forget - the challenges you're facing now will only make you a stronger, more empathetic partner someday.

Any girl would be lucky to land a guy as dedicated and caring as you. Keep focusing on your studies, your family, and bettering yourself. The rest will fall into place. You got this man - stay patient, stay positive, and your perfect match is out there waiting when the time is right. Now go kick some ass at your masters! We'll grab a beer soon and you can tell me about all the fine ladies you'll be charming.

[Alli112]

Having never met you, you seem like a perfectly good, responsible dude. But dating is a time commitment and if you don't have time for it, you really can't do it. Especially getting to know someone early on, having to meet at weird time, cancel last minute, or just generally find times to meet is going to be difficult. I'm not saying you can't date, but you might try to emotionally set it on the back burner until you have a bit more time to focus on yourself and don't have quite as many responsibilities you have to deal with. It absolutely sucks, but that's kind of the reality. Keep yourself open in case someone compatible with both you and your lifestyle walks through the door, but focus on finding joy and fulfillment in other parts of your life until you have the time to potentially prioritize another person. You won't be able to have a proper relationship if everything else in your life has to take precedent above a potential partner.

[Asker]

I completely understand. Maybe one day it will all work out. Thank you for your response!

[Alli112]

Np, fingers crossed for you. You seem like a decent guy if you're doing all that :)

[jennifer_bloom]

So if your still intelligent you should know basic math.

You work 65 hours, exercise 5 hours and spend 5 hours driving home from the gym, you study 12 hours and spend 6 hours doing homework, as well as 8 hours travelling to and from school, then you buy groceries and cook for 10 hours, attend church for 4 hours a week, then you socialize for 12 hours a week with your friends and spend another 5 hours a week cleaning the house?

Your math skills are worse than a 6 year old child’s.

It’s obvious to me you have a brain injury and nobody believes your lies about.

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe wait till you’re finished your masters and you have one full time career. It’s only a month away.