If this ever went to court, could it be used against me negatively (child custody with ex)?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex are having a baby. Well, it hasn't been going well recently and we've been fighting.

I made kind of a stupid mistake the other night. He was being a jerk and I got really upset (thanks to all the hormones and stuff). I made comments that indicated I may want to hurt myself. I would never actually DO that. I would never actually hurt me and I certainly wouldn't do anything to hurt my kid. In that moment, I was just feeling super low. I was really saddened by how things were going, I was hurt by his actions and I basically told him I didn't really want to live anymore at that time. It was the only time I had ever had an "I want to die" feeling.

I never did have any sort of "plan" or "means" to do anything. As I said before, I'd never hurt myself in general (honestly, I'm kind of afraid of dying and I wouldn't be able to do anything like that).

My biggest concern is the possibility that he may have recorded that phone call or had someone else record it (like he had me on speakerphone). I do not have proof of it ever being recorded, but it worries me. If it WAS recorded and we ended up in court, could he play that and use it to take the child from me?

He did send the police to my house that same night and told them I was suicidal. I had calmed down quite a bit by the time they arrived. We talked and they deemed me stable and not a threat. They actually did not even believe the report after speaking with me and wrote it off as a prank call. The police also told me there were no text records or anything since we weren't texting and it was pretty much "he said, she said" because they had not heard anything recorded and was basing it off their received report.

If there was a recording of the call, wouldn't the police know? Could that police report back me up since they wrote it off as a prank and deemed me completely stable and not a threat?

I feel stupid I even went to that level, but I was really hurt and feeling like crap.

Updates

11 mo

Now, I will say that I do have a lot of documentation against my ex that shows he's not very fit as a parent. Things ranging from severe anger issues (along with witnesses who have heard/seen his anger outbursts), alcohol problems, threatening to hit me numerous times (though he never really DID hit me), multiple events where he would scream and yell at me aggressively, and a long history of being financially unstable (long unemployment tracks, rage quitting jobs, not paying bills, etc.).

Updates

11 mo

I have a lot of family and friends who would vouch that I am mentally stable, do not have a history of mental illness, am financially stable and a hard worker. I also have no history with drug or alcohol use, and I have never threatened to harm him like he has me. All he "has against me" is the potential recording of where I was at a low point and said I didn't want to live anymore because what was the point when I just messed everything up? It was stupid to say, and I'd never hurt myself.

[dustybiker2]

Okay. Whoa.
Let's put the child first here.


You both need to take a breath and just parent. No more games of holding anything over each other. This baby needs stable parents. Start acting like them for little one's sake.


Yes if he brings it up it could hiccup in court. If you get an evaluation and pass (if it even came to that) they will probably forget about it. Unfortunately rights aren't equal when it comes to parenting children and court. If he had said that it would probably be a bigger deal as the mother tends to have better outcomes in the legal system.


Just focus on the kid though. Enough.

[Asker]

In our state, it is very "for the mom". The mother is almost always granted custody in non-married cases. I know it was stupid to go to that level, but my emotions were everywhere! I was very upset over everything, and I just had that "dang, I just need to die already" moment. I know we all have a moment like that at some point in our lives. I never gave "specifics" like as to how I'd do it or anything. I just said I didn't want to live at that point. Again, not a wise thing and no, I'd NEVER hurt myself, my child or ANYONE for that matter. I am a very calm person and don't have anger issues. I've never had any sort of mental illnesses and have no family history of mental illness. I've never had suicidal thoughts. I don't know why I decided to just say "I don't want to live", but it just came out. At that moment, I was feeling like a total failure and feeling like I had ruined everything (as a result of his mental manipulation - he was painting everything to be on me and I just fell for it and started to feel like maybe it WAS all my fault everything fell apart).

[Asker]

The police even deemed me 100% stable and not a threat when we spoke. They thought the whole thing was ridiculous and viewed the report as completely non-credible. They said "so, basically... we were pranked. Ok then, have a good night". They saw zero issue. They saw no threat to myself or others and viewed me as a totally normal person who was just going through some drama with an ex (I did inform them that yes, we had talked that night and no, it was not pleasant and yes, it did leave me upset - they understood completely).

I was wondering if we could go back and view the details of the report (since obviously the police have to report visits like that) and show that to the court (where they deemed it a prank call and found no evidence of any issues with me or my home).

Again, there isn't even any proof that the call was recorded. I don't know. We were talking on the phone and I have no way of knowing if he recorded it or had someone else record it while he was on speakerphone (I heard others in the background, but it didn't seem that they were really involved in our conversation that I could tell).

I just worry because I'd never want to lose my son. I don't even want to GO to court for custody. I'd rather keep things civil and out of court. I'd rather just co-parent without the drama and headache of legal battles and court cases. I never even wanted to co-parent. I just wanted to be a happy family. That sure didn't happen, so now I'm just hoping for peaceful, civil co-parenting without court.

[dustybiker2]

I don't think you have anything to worry about. You were cleared. Just keep your head from here on out. And encourage the father the same, in a kind way. You have a son that is looking up to both of you. He only wants stability and safety. Mom and dad are his world.

[Asker]

Thank you. I am VERY saddened we can't just work things out and be together as a family. I did not want our child coming into a broken home. But he's really going through things right now and he's not wanting to budge. I'm giving that aspect space and time and simply focusing on me and the baby at this time.

I was just worried that if he did happen to record that part of the call when I was having a "melt down" and said those things, that he'd be able to "get me" should this travel to court. Since I was cleared and the police literally deemed it a non-credible prank call, I'd say I'd be good. Plus, I have plenty of witnesses that show I am not a danger and have never had any mental health issues or legal troubles. I also have a long job history at the same job and have no debt (he has a ton of debt he refuses to pay).

[sirderpsalot123]

Unlikely to happen. You'd have to really fuck up to get your kids taken away. Courts usually side with the mother.

[Asker]

That's why I was afraid if he or someone else did record that "melt down moment" where I said those dumb things, he'd be able to label me "crazy" or "unstable" in court and get my kid taken from me. However, police were called and I was 100% cleared. The police wrote it off as a non-credible prank phone call. They did not believe anything they had heard. They said clearly, I had no issues, wasn't a threat to myself or others and there was nothing going on at my home. So they apologized and told me to have a good night. They deemed me completely fit/stable. So, surely, there was a police report made and that'd be enough to show I was stable. Plus, I could pass any mental health evaluation. I have plenty of witnesses to vouch for me that I've never had mental health issues, never had legal trouble, etc.