How much harder does being picky make dating?

[Anonymous]

I’m determined to get into a relationship by the end of the year. I feel confident in my ability to be a good partner and sustain my own life while being in a relationship. However, I’m very picky. I like a specific type of man it’s simply what I’m most compatible with. It’s also typically the type of man most interested in me long term. It’s not about status, money, or height. I like specific combination of interests, looks, and personality traits. I get attention from most men but many wouldn’t be that interested in my interests and lifestyle after speaking to me. We wouldn’t relate at all so I cut them out as a whole because I’m not attracted to them anyway.

I’m willing to put in the effort and approach or show interest I don’t mind that. I enjoy being the party to “seek”, I find it fun to see all my options and who’s interested in me out of them. I’d say for every 10 of my type 6-7 would be interested. I’ve heard a lot that being picky makes dating impossible but I want to know just how difficult it can make it. If I want a relationship by the end of the year how likely is that with how picky I am and should I lower my standards to meet someone in decent time?

[Anonymous]

Well the good news is you'll probably find that relationship based on the information you gave. The bad news is you'll be back here in a couple months complaining about how it didn't work out. Because you've ultimately set yourself up for an unhealthy relationship and failure.

There's generally 2 things that make most women fail at relationships 1. picking the right partner. You're on the right track when you say you're not driven by money or status. I tell ANY woman on here who will listen (which isn't many unfortunately). Choose a man with CHARACTER. Money and status come and go. But a man with character is rock solid. Character doesn't leave you. So when you say "should I lower my standards", I don't know what you mean. Relationships, even the best ones, will still require work. But they are worth it when you choose the right person. So you should accept less than you are worth. The question here is, 'do you have an accurate, realistic, assessment of your worth, what you bring to the table"?

The other thing that makes most women fail is they want a successful relationship. They just don't want to put forth the work needed for a successful relationship. As i eluded to in the first point. Relationships don't just happen they require constant tending to, on both parties parts. You sound like you're willing to put in the work. But if that's true it's only going to be relevant if you choose a partner who's willing to do the same. So when you ask about lowering your standards, never lower your standards here. Just be realistic about what a man is able to give. Choose a man you can clearly communicate with. More relationships end with hurt feelings due to lack of communication than need to.

Good luck!

[HawkPerception]

I personally think that women's standards in the west are a bit too high nowadays, but I may be a bit jaded in that sense as I don't go out to socialize too often to meet real women. I just see women talking and commenting on social media that they want a tall guy that can't be broke/have a certain expectation for how much they make, he has to pay for dates or they consider him a friend, etc.

I think Hollywood has really made the standards sky high when it comes to what they desire in a man. A lot of them are expecting prince charming.

I think guys are a little more realistic with their expectations.

With women making as much as they do nowadays, they technically don't need men as they used to in the past. There's many jobs nowadays that don't require physical strength and many of them get better pay than physical jobs.

They usually go for players when they're younger then get jaded and think all men suck and say they'd rather be single. So yes... being picky does make dating harder.

[osmanthus]

I'm not understanding what you wrote, so, you're saying 6 or 7 out of 10 of the type of man you're interested in are interested in you but then before that sentence you wrote that most men wouldn't be interested in whatever you're interested in plus your lifestyle—something to that effect. Ma'am, six males is lot. Many women can't even get 1 guy to approach them. I'm not saying your statement is invalid but what I am implying is that maybe you don't as actually want to settle down right away if you're going threw men like pairs of dirty socks. Do you really want a partner or would you just be happier with yourself, if that meant you could live however you want and pursue your interests without worrying if some guy is going to swoop you off your feet. It's fine to let things just happen naturally at any events you attend and by chance you meet someone. Putting a deadline just seems that maybe you're putting too much societal expectation on your shoulders when it isn't necessary.

[DishLady]

Depends what you're "being picky" about. If you have standards and they're reasonable then you're fine. But if you're nitpicking then you're essentially self-sabotaging.

[MicahRaine]

^^^^

[V_Injector]

How picky? is the real question. I mean these basic bitch looking barista girls demanding guys that look like me and also make over half a million a year... good luck girls.

And in reality, once they get the age on...9/10ths of them end up with Pookie who sleeps on the couch.

I get about 10k about every 2 weeks... I feel like I'm pretty well off. But a lot of these chicks, living in a studio apartment, renting a room, or in a trailer demand much more than that... they fuck me though... I don't advertise money and pretend to be more broke than they are. Just hit the weights and pretend to be Pookie. Hit it for free is the way to be.

[Avicenna]

Being picky can run the gamut from not being able to date anyone at all because your expectations are too high to avoiding a lot of people you'd rather not date. And random luck can play a role and so does what you're picky about. I won't date women who are single moms and/or have financial problems, so that avoids some problematic situations, but I'm willing to date overweight women, so the dating pool isn't too small.

[Asker]

I think men underestimate how many men there are in any decently populated area. Most women can be decently picky if it’s not about money and do perfectly fine. Because people want different things, looks wise personality wise. People want quality in different areas. Some like a 7/10 with a thug look while other want an 7/10 that’s more basic, others want a 7-8/10 that’s really shy.

The competition for attractive decent men isn’t as difficult as people assume because not all attractive men are overly social, extroverted, or players. As a woman as long as you’re willing to show interest and make yourself known to the men you want it’s not too bad.

[Avicenna]

That goes back to having reasonable expectations. We're all picky about something, as I demonstrated above.

[D_Bone_Steak]

What woman isn't picky? Nevermind... I forgot about the complete whores. Attention whores or regular whores with money, they'll suck my dick.

I guess it boils down to what you're working with and your standards.

Bottom line you SHOULD have standards. If that makes your dating life hard or not depends on how realistic your standards are.

The variables to that are what you're working with divided by what you want/demand equals how difficult it's going to be getting what you want.

[BCA6010]

That depends on a lot of factors.

A common one for women is wanting a guy who is at least six feet tall, which eliminates 85-87% of men before factoring in anything else. If this was you hypothetically, then everything else you add (like income, skin and eye color, fitness, past relationships, etc) to this makes it significantly harder.

If 60-70% of "your type" are interested, then things are in your favor and your worries aren't really warranted because that is definitively above average.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Being picky makes dating easier actually.

When I find a match, it will go smoothly, we will never fight, never divorce, never make compromises that stress us out. We will be eachother's comfort zone, a source of fun and stress relief and be eachother's caretakers. We will share the same hobbies and interests, and enjoy every moment spent together.

Being picky is the ONLY way to make dating EASY.

It's just that it doesn't dating fast, and fast does NOT result in easy.

Fast results in the hardest, most irritating bullshit you will ever experience.

[TheSpaceGnome]

it doesn't make dating fast*

[82lynx]

As it was said in a recent MSA video, the heart wants what it wants. I’ve never dated, I have a bunch of arcane interests and to top it off I can’t stand the idea of doing the deed of darkness regardless of a girl’s appearance. Rarely does anyone stand out to me, and I realize that likely makes me ineligible for a relationship. I’m prepared for that though, knowing that settling would make things many times worse. It makes me sad occasionally but there are many other things I can focus on. I’m not saying that will happen to you though.

[Pyrofox]

If you come off too picky people may just start to assume you may look your age but mentally your already ancient for coming off senile/bitter already. And it'll eventually land you in situations where even if you do meet a 8/10, a 9/10 or even a 10/10 guy and they may just assume you've already friendzoned them from your MO.

[Twalli]

You need to only look for guys that fit your requirements and not preferences. Everyone who does that has gotten in good and strong relationships with someone they would have never thought of because that person didn't meet their preferences. My fiancée didn't meet my preferences, but did meet my requirements and we've been together for over 6 years.

[Anonymous]

Way harder. People used to think I was a chad when I had a lot of girlfriends. But the relationships didn’t go well. After a few breakups I have raised my standards. Now is see red flags in every woman I could be with. Those I am into don’t reciprocate. I’ve been single for two years. I don’t think I could have a girlfriend soon.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion you shouldn't be determined to get into a relationship with any timeliness. It sounds slightly desperate. You should focus on becoming the best version of who you are in order to attract in the best partner.

[Asker]

women who say stuff this don’t take any initiative to meet anyone and stay single the longest. if you read you’d see I feel like I’m in a good place to get into a relationship and I’ll continue to work on myself while dating. People with perfect mental health and well paying jobs date just as much as broke depressed people. You don’t have to be “worthy” to find a partner. A relationship doesn’t mean you can’t continue to grow. I don’t think it’s desperate to feel ready and put in the effort to meet someone in a certain time frame.

[Pohjolan]

That's just a matter of probability calculation and which traits are must haves or deal breakers.

Say if two traits which each 50% of men meet are required then it leaves 25% but if it was two traits with 10% then it would be just 1%.

[Asker]

1 percent out of 100 men though is still 1 man. so in a city of let’s say 400k men that’s 4000 men and I only need 1.

[Pohjolan]

You also have to take into account things like desired age range and relationship status if we are talking about the male population in general.

by the way just out of curiosity what would you consider showing interest? I'm asking because some women have pretty peculiar ideas on this like they consider jumping to be one way to do it.

[Asker]

even when you narrow down to fine details in a decently populated area that’s at least 300-400 men. Again, I only need 1.

On showing interest there are many ways. Stranger or being subtle usually consistently making eye contact and smiling is a good way to tell. For the bolder ones starting conversations. For acquaintances If a woman is seeking out the same man consistently and finding any excuse to speak to him she’s interested. I’ve never heard of jumping?

[Pohjolan]

Um you know non-interested women also make eye contact and smile or approach to have a conversation.
Women need to get together and agree on what is or isn't showing interest.
This whole winging it without a script means that ones casual behaviour is anothers heavy flirting.

[LiamJHayden]

Any limitation upon options will make it more difficult. Will it be a practical difference? Your preferences will be unlikely to make much difference.

[Asker]

my preferences like interests definitely make a large difference. My interests play into my beliefs and life goals. I’ve found It near impossible to be attracted to men who don’t at least share some of my interests even if they’re the most handsome men in the world.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Naturally it will make things more difficult but overall it will be better assuming you stick to your standards. You'll have better outcomes but likely less of them, ultimately you only need one so that's a good thing

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If you're patient, it makes dating way easier.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Not dating someone because they sneeze funny, is just being too picky. But, if you think that you can't be with someone because they're not the same religion, that's ok.

[Crazzyyworld]

We all try and fail and fall down to bottom of food chain. You have to go with someone who comes. It’s like coincidence and destiny

[Asker]

Can’t fail but so badly. Usually after about 4-5 dates with different guys I’ve found one to get into a relationship. My last relationship almost ended in marriage so I assume after the next I’ll be married. If you go on 100 dates and still haven’t found a good guy that seems like it’s more of an issue with yourself than dating right?

[Crazzyyworld]

It comes when it come and usually it comes when you finally stop looking

[art84]

Depends on what you're standards are when it comes to dating. If it's looks like being tall, then probably eliminate the short guys.

[Tomisworthless]

If you're a girl and not ugly relationships should come naturally to you.

[Asker]

If that was the case no one average would be single because every woman average or above would match up with every okay man

[Tomisworthless]

Some have terrible personalities and others want what they can't get and find men in their league less than

[msc545]

You are about to find out just how difficult being picky can make it.

[Asker]

I’m going out tonight with a guy who fits just about all my preferences I‘d I posted this 3 days ago so I’d say not too difficult 🙂

[TonyMetal___86]

If you have a big eye like this girl in the photo than you will be able to know the unknown

[Julian7312]

It can be very hard. Sometimes to there need to be tradeoffs

[MasterKS]

but men only look for sex! you picky get fucked first!

[Asker]

I don’t have sex with men I’m not in a relationship with.

[MasterKS]

@asker in dating app men look for it mostly!

[Asker]

I don't use dating apps I meet men organically.

[MasterKS]

@asker still most men look for sex!

[Anonymous]

It makes dating much harder, at least in my experience (total lack of dating).

[justabuddy]

Depends on what qualities you are picky about.

[Reliable]

Exponentially