Fear of being with the wrong guy?

[Anonymous]

Hi y'all. I'm 22 and I've been dating this guy for almost 2 years and he's my first long term boyfriend. We're both 3rd year Uni students. I do love him, he treats me well and I feel comfortable around him. But since the start of our rs I've been criticized about my choice by my mom and some friends bc apparently ''he's not as good as i imagine him to be''. Basically they pointed out the fact that he falls behind in class a lot and he doesn't have a drivers license. I talked to him about that, offered help to make it easier for him to pass exams but he shows no interest whatsoever and seems lazy when it comes to that which kinda bothers me. He failed lots of classes already and it doesn't seem to bother him at all. He got a job and said he's thriving atm and Uni is not his priority. Alright.

I talked to him about the license.( I have my drivers license and currently looking for a new car. ) He said driving is not something he enjoys and has no intentions getting his drivers license. I said having a driver’s license can be really useful and a life saver in emergency situations - to that he simply said he'll just call a friend to drive him wherever he needs to be or he'll take public transport. Um okay. All of my girl friends' partners come to pick them up with their car and my boyfriend is like I'll come pick u up and he shows up with a friend driving. Also he gets mad if someone else picks me up which makes no sense.

As for his personality we get along okay but sometimes I notice that he can be self centered, not selfish but very self absorbed. He has a charming personality but sometimes he comes off narcissistic - often says how handsome he is, what a good looking guy he is, how lucky I am to have him etc.

Things keep piling up in my head as well as other peoples opinions telling me that I deserve someone better. It really bothers me and I fear giving all my love to the wrong person and being with the wrong person. It can really mess with your mind.

[CuriousHubby]

This is good and that fear is how you know he is the wrong one. We all thing our boyfriend is amazing till we make a list.

We all have lists but if they are the right one the list of pros is way higher and longer.

You know he is the wrong one and we'll your fokes helped you realize it.

We all date those we don't mix with eventually. Sorry it's 2 years wasted before you realize it.

How long has he been at uni for?

He is lazy and just wants to work. It's normal for drop outs but him not telling you is very worrisome.

Him being lazy will mean so much in a future relationship. Imagine marrying him and him doing nothing and leaving you with the chores!

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply. I def see it now. I'll give it some time since I'm not rushing things. If he doesn't change anything or work on himself this relationship must come to an end

[CuriousHubby]

Sounds good and you will soon meet someone much better! Who wants to pass classes and are not lazy!

[Anonymous]

That is a decision you will have to make. I had my mother warn me off on a girl as she could barely read. I married her and it has been great for many years. She reads with the best of them now. I know someone who won’t drive. He is in his 20s. I think deep down he thinks he will die in an accident and doesn’t trust himself to drive. You will have to decide. Choose wisely. I also have been accused of arrogance so I understand that point as well. But this is about you deciding if he is good for you and taking in other people’s observations but it is ultimately up to you to choose what is best for your life. Just carefully, choose wisely.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply. It is tough to choose now but I'm not rushing and just observing how things are going. If he doesn't change in any way I'll break things off. When his friends get tired of driving him around, he probably expects me to become his chauffeur. My mom really dislikes him and describes him as ''incompetent and a low quality man'' because she compares me of other dudes she knows and the partners of my friends.

[Asker]

she compares him*

[Opinion Owner]

As people get older they have fewer friends and even fewer will have a spouse that understands why they need to keep giving rides to him. That may be where you come in. Also, if he is very good looking, he may replace you in the future. But you are best to know if he is right for you and you for him. I wasn’t 100% sure either but took the leap.

[Asker]

He's a cute guy, but people have said that he's not on my level and even he said that he doesn't know how he managed to pull a girl like me. But looks are not my concern rn. Its more about the indications of how responsible he'll be in taking care of a home and future children (If it ever comes to that).

[Opinion Owner]

True

[DishLady]

You’re WAY too young to be fearing things.


Don’t be afraid to date, but don’t let every guy get you… be selective… get to know the guy. Choose wisely.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply. I agree :)
I do know him, we are together for 2 years. I just pointed out some red flags that have been bothering me for some time.

[DrPepper12]

This is not working. You've grown and not only he hasn't, he doesn't appear capable. Enjoy the memories

[Asker]

Thanks. Thats what I started realizing as well. Unfortunately

[DrPepper12]

Sorry but self preservation is the highest priority of any organism.

[Staximus]

For years I did the bare minimum, but the bare minimum is not going to allow you to build a future for yourself. Tell that bum to find some motivation and initiative. Unless you live somewhere like New York City, London, and Tokyo that has extensive public transportation, not having a car means you're basically a bum.

[Asker]

Technically he is a bum and im tired of defending him. He wants to rely on other people for the simplest things and he's proud of it and sees no issue in the whole situation. Embarrassing

[Staximus]

He's a lackadaisical manipulator

[Staximus]

I think if you're on your way to having a good career and allow this guy to stick around, he's going to try to use you for a free ride in life. Do you want a man or do you want an adult child?

[Asker]

Yeah ur right. I'm coming to my senses now.. maybe I should've cut him off a long time ago but I've became more self aware these past months. The last recent thing that pissed me off happened a few months ago when he got a job because ''he wanted to save up for his license because he was tired of me being pushy''. Then he earned enough money and few days ago he goes ''actually with this money im gonna get myself a really nice expensive computer that I've been wanting for a long time''.
At this point I don't even bother, his life depends only on him. If he wants to stay a bum I'll let him stay a bum.

[Asker]

I appreciate the brutal honesty it motivates me to drop him at this very second.

[Staximus]

Yeah, if he doesn't need a new computer and that computer is not going to make him money, then he's an idiot. I don't know where you live but to get a driver's license here at cost $20. Yeah of course you might have to save up a few thousand to get a beater car, but a good computer it's going to cost of half that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a decent guy but would like to experiment with others. The lack of career ambition points to a life of financial struggles if you go down the route of life with this dude. How's the sex?

[Asker]

Yeah agree, I'm very ambitious unlike him and I think we prioritize different things. I'd rather finish Uni and then settle down while he doesn't try to excel in Uni and would rather make quick cash. Thats how things are going on.
Sex is pretty good I'd say we're compatible in that way.

[Opinion Owner]

Having great sexual chemistry together with a personality that is compatible CAN be pretty compelling. To be honest, for a guy a partner like that is ideal. But for a girl I get the need to have a guy with at least SOME career ambition and/or who is independently wealthy and good with managing money. Because the reality of life as you go forward is that you WILL eventually have to leave the workforce to raise the results of your great sexual chemistry and when that happens, you need a guy who can provide for several years.

What do you study?

[Asker]

Medicine. I doubt that he'll ever finish at all. He's already one year behind and with his studying habits its very unlikely.

[Opinion Owner]

Is he doing medicine too?

[Asker]

Yes.

[Opinion Owner]

Gotcha. Well, if you're comfortable pulling all the weight going forward, you can stick with your dude. Else, you may want to take a personal inventory of yourself and determine if you can do better. Now would be the time to make a change.

[Anonymous]

Yeah but c'mon. He's hot! That's what really matters isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Y'all?