Men complain about being lonely, but when I date someone and tell them I’m waiting for marriage they disappear?

[Anonymous]

I’m almost 30 and yes still a virgin. I have very good discipline for myself and self control and prefer hobbies and more mind stimulating activities (problem solving) so I don’t have a high sex drive and my soul does not allow me to sleep with a man who is not right for me. Marriage would show me that this man is devoted to me. But no man wants to be devoted to me. Will I die alone? I would rather die alone than to sell my soul. These men literally lose interest straight away almost. Why are men like this?

Updates

1 y

After reading these replies, I am even more adamant to remain celibate until marriage. Imagine sleeping with a guy he turns out to be like the a holes in the comment sections. I would never forgive myself. Call me a red flag for all I care. I have my values and I am sticking by them. I have better things to do then to give myself to some man that isn’t committed to me. If I am not worthy of commitment then he is not worthy of my body. And that’s what’s called self respect..

[Lynx122]

You were born in the wrong time. In the past men would have considered marrying you but today commitment has been reduced by both sides. So the commitment seems even greater in todays context. There's still people getting married but it would take a lot for me. Because it can seem like everything is alright in the beginning but then everything can fall apart and it's usually the man that suffers more in a divorce. A woman might suffer more later on but in the divorce itself the man gets destroyed. Many men even commit suicide because their whole purpose of why they work hard and put up with bad things in their life gets taken away. Since I'm disabled I have a lot on my plate just living my life I'm slowly expanding the kind of challenges and responisbilities I take on but I have to always keep an eye on my overall wellbeing. if you're married and have kids you can't just take days off because you're not feeling well, it becomes a lot harder. When I take on a responsibility, I want to do it well so that's why I'm careful about what I'm committing too in life.

[normalice]

Men say lonely instead of horny because if they just said horny women would stay well away.

[Asker]

Ok this makes sense now thanks for your honesty. I will die a virgin 🙌

[VIVANT]

😂 😂

Honesty Award goes to 🥇

[Babygirl_S]

I am proud of you! I have also rejected men who wanted to have premarital sex. Imagine a jerk taking your virginity and then not even calling back. There is nothing wrong with your attitude. You respect yourself and it’s commendable. I would suggest looking for a religious virgin guy. He would be more likely to commit. I hate how Western culture treats virgins. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer men from my community. They love virgins and are also willing to marry without premarital sex.

[_Senorita_]

No you just have to wait and your patience will bear fruit indeed... You are so lucky i must say that... Cuz people like me regret marrying a wrong person in such an early age and I'm divorced now don't know what to do... You are single and free... You have not given yourself to shitty people... I wish i was like you... And when the right time is there your marriage will happen

[Avicenna]

You might want to give guys a idea of what sort of general timetable you have in mind. A guy might be OK with waiting a year, but if he has no idea what you have in mind, what's he supposed to think?

[Asker]

Dating for at least 6 months, engaged and then marriage. Shouldn’t be that hard if they were single before. If they think I’m worth it they would wait. If not then it’s a good filter for me to see who values me and who doesn’t. If I’m not valued by men then at least I would still have valued myself enough :) that’s the way I operate

[Asker]

The fact that I am giving him my time energy and love and commitment should be enough

[Avicenna]

Yeah, but they need to know what your goals and timetable are and that they're aligned with theirs.

[slatyb]

Why would a man with a strong sex drive pick you? Waiting for marriage sounds like "not until marriage, and not much after that."

[OlderAndWiser]

I would have LOVED to meet a lady like you when I was 30 years old and in law school.

[Asker]

Aww maybe in another life

[Lliam]

Nobody in their right mind would get married without knowing they were sexually compatible. Marriage is forever. It would be nightmare to get married and find that you and your partner were not sexually compatible.

The only way that would make sense is if neither person had any libido. I sense that is the case with you. No sex drive.

No sex. Focused on work. What a sad life. Dying "pure" means that you never lived.

I don't know where you got such crazy ideas.

[Asker]

I never get men to use me. I’m making money and building the life that I want. I don’t crave love or sex. I’m not needy unlike you men. So to me that is a win

[Lliam]

No problem. So what are you complaining about? You can live your life without love or sex and be proud that you remained "pure".
It's interesting that you target men as being needy, because you are not like the majority of women who do enjoy infatuation, love, companionship and sex. It's not just men.
It sounds like you have issues. You don't like men in general. Is it because of your culture, your upbringing, or is it some kind of religious belief?

[Asker]

I want a partner who shares similar values and respects me enough to wait til marriage. Most guys run away when I tell them I am waiting for marriage. Personally I just can’t bring myself to have sex before marriage. This is how I was raised and how I believe. I’m not religious but it makes total sense if you understand how women operate biologically/ psychologically. I have seen my friends get messed up mentally after giving themselves to the wrong guy just so they would stay with them they gave up their bodies. I can’t do that because a lot of guys act like they want a relationship when they actually just want sex. A lot of men play games. I think I can see through it now. I’m older and I don’t want that rubbish. I want someone with values like me. Else, I will stay alone. Do you understand me?

[DrPepper12]

This is the way. Sex and living together first is non negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Yes there’s a good chance it’ll just be you living alone in your future. Being basically 30 years old, still a virgin, those are red flags to a lot of men. You may say it’s your discipline as well as your soul that keeps you from sleeping w men but deep down there’s something else. There’s a reason why you’re this age still single. Maybe a lot of trauma growing up. Something. It’s not a big issue if a girl was in her early 20s, still a virgin, but for a lady who’s almost 30, still a virgin, that’s a problem. Men pick up on that. You’re displaying desperation, especially when you throw out marriage. A large majority of those men are just trying to sleep w you, they don’t want something serious w you. Plus the low sex drive, men tend to want sex just about everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day.

[Asker]

Okay I will die a virgin and focus on my career

[Asker]

How am I displaying desperation if i want to wait til marriage! ? You men and your tactics don’t work on me

[Opinion Owner]

What tactics? A lot of men want marriage and kids just as much. Even if some men were using “tactics” on you as you say we have tactics, honestly you’re the one who’s going to lose. Single, alone. Your tactics seem to be backfiring on you.

[Asker]

I just want someone to commit to me before I let him use my body and throw me out. I would rather be single and alone then let a man use my body. Marriage filters the users. I want a partnership for life. Meaning I want someone with similar values. If I can’t find that then the best next thing is to be single and alone and focus on my careers and my life.

[Opinion Owner]

Just because a girl gives it up to a man before marriage doesn’t mean he’s not going to marry her. That’s what you think. That’s not always true. There’s a lot of men out there who want marriage, but a big part of the issue too is that women find about 80% of men unattractive. I’m sure there’s a man on the 80% who would marry you, but chances are you’re in the group who find a majority of men unattractive. Maybe even feel as though you deserve a top tier man.

[Asker]

Well I am beautiful, slim and fit, healthy, educated, smart and talented and I have morals and values. The truth is Most men don’t deserve me. I have my soul to protect and will not let a filthy man taint it. Either I find the right man that I will love or I will die a virgin and proud of it!

[Opinion Owner]

Somehow I don’t believe all that. If a girl is meant to be a wife, meaning she demonstrates all those qualities that a man sees in a girl as marriage material she will be scooped up. The prettier she is, still single she’s got more issues cause a lot of men would have tried to court her long time ago.

[Asker]

It is what it is. Men have not tried with me. I have tried with men but they don’t want to marry me. So I will die with my dignity check my insta 777. couture

[Asker]

Look at how pretty and talented I am. All self taught.

[Asker]

But still man no want me so I die virgin and pure

[Asker]

And fine whatever you might see me as average or ugly or crazy but I’m sick of you men trying to make me feel bad. It’s never gonna work. Marriage was not written for me in the life. And so be it. Single virgin cat lady life for me

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck

[Asker]

Dont need it. No kids no husband no responsibility. Got my money. Got my dignity. Good luck to these lonely porn addicted men more like

[Opinion Owner]

lol ok. I didn’t mean good luck in that way

[VIVANT]

You’re contradicting yourself

She’s desperate for being honest and she’s scaring away men whom just want sex. That’s GOOD. She should continue to be honest so the guys who just want sex F off. Why would she want them when that is not what she’s looking for.

How is honesty desperate? . Playing games pretending to be what you are not, hoping to get someone u see else pretenses, is desperate..

She is being very disciplined. Just bc you can’t imagine not throwing your body at sex doesn’t mean she has a problem. It’s such a weird game you guys play. Playing games is normal and being honest is crazy. What a world.

[Opinion Owner]

@VIVANT regardless of what you wrote since I didn’t read it she’s going to be single. At that age.

[Asker]

I’d rather be single than be with the wrong man. Also you seem very low iq. Were you dropped on the head as a baby?

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe lol but I’m not going to be alone so don’t matter. Good luck.

[Asker]

Pathetic man. Poor woman whoever it is

[Opinion Owner]

lol well the man you’re not w is lucky himself. At your age still a virgin n single, that’s some serious major red flags.

[Asker]

That doesn’t really make sense but okay. I don’t mind I’ll be the biggest red flag there is as long as I have my values and stay true to myself. If men want sexual experience they can go f those girls that are willing. I’ll gladly stay out of that and carry on working and building my skills for my future

[Opinion Owner]

lol deep down you know you want a partner, a family, etc. You’re just trying to cope.

[Asker]

Only with the right man. Else, best to stay alone.

[Asker]

Cope with what? I swear it’s like you have missed the whole point of this post. You were deffo dropped on the head as a baby…

[Asker]

The app is full of degenerate losers clearly. I’m out of here

[Opinion Owner]

Degenerates that’s why you’re there. One day you will realize what a mistake you made. To be in your old age w no one there to come home to, grandchildren, building family, memories. You may still have a chance. Good luck, I’m done conversing. Hopefully you will meet that person. I know I may have acted like an ass, but deep down I hope you meet someone.

[Staximus]

Wait till marriage to have a baby but not have sex. You need to know if you're compatible in the bedroom. There was a girl in here that said her boyfriend wanted her to stick things up his ass and she wasn't into it. Another girl said her boyfriend wanted to watch her have sex with another guy. I had a girl tell me she wouldn't be satisfied unless I choked her and slapped her in bed, so I told her to get lost. You want to marry a guy without knowing he likes stuff like that? What if he has a tiny dick and cums in 5 seconds? You're going to just deal with that? No, you're going to want something else.

[Asker]

I don’t care about sex. He can just tell me before hand if he has fetishes. We can have a discussion. Doesn’t mean I need to have sex. I don’t want to have sex. I will probably be single forever at this rate. Oh well. At least I’m pretty skinny smart and talented and I got my strong values. If I can’t find a man to match then so be it. Singledom it is. Better to be single than with someone you don’t respect

[Staximus]

Spoken like a person who has never had sex. Just don't expect a guy to be a virgin or else you'll never find one unless he's a mental case or religious nut job

[Staximus]

Your self respect is admirable, but on the other hand you can't act like a cold dead fish and not show any signs of physical attraction if you want a man to be attracted to you. Welcome to real life, where your expectations are not reality.

[Staximus]

You're going to have to stop acting like a frigid nun if you ever want to find a man. Sorry, that's reality.

[Staximus]

Without sexual attraction you might as well just be friends. You're going to have to show a guy that you're sexually attracted to him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

That is a big part of society now and for some reason our world has drifted in that direction but people with the same interests exist, it's just not as easy to find like it is to say it considering there's no way to tell people apart when it comes to these intentions.

[ChicoFromThe305]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[sawno]

In modern day society marriage is a trap for men since they can get screwed over in the courts even if you decide to leave for someone else. I also agree with Liam i'd never marry before experiencing sexual compatibility. But I do get the whole sentiment of reserving it for someone special. I just want that moment to be organic rather than a legal agreement. Like at some point in the relationship even if its 2 years in that's pretty certain right?

[sawno]

Ill also say it this way because it holds up for me personally, for me a relationship is a serious as a marriage. I'd give her my sexual exclusivity by being in the relationship with her, commitment, etc. What I don't find fair is if something is taken from me (In this case the freedom to have sex with others) and its then not replaced with something I need from a relationship. And its not even about full on penetration, it would be about something sexual like at minimum we maturate together / I can touch your body.

So imagine there are 2 girls, one is you and one is someone 3 years younger who is open to fulfilling my sexual needs. To get you i'd have to give up sex completely, hope the relationship succeeds for long enough, sign my rights away and then maybe I get what I need in a relationship. Or the 3 years younger girl commits to me equally, also demands commitment and exclusivity but is open to fulfilling each others needs in the relationship and doesn't mind if I don't marry as long as I am insanely committed and don't leave because she happens to understand how bad the system has gotten (when I explain my objection).

I could either try it with you, or wait for that second girl to show up. This is the kind of thing that the guy will be evaluating in his head, is it worth being in an unsatisfying relationship with this person for a long term marriage? Want to know the answer? No, probably not. Why probably not? Because he didn't even get a chance to discover its worth it. He will instantly dismiss you as you noticed because there's other girls where he can build a sustainable relationship with that do not demand him to sign up for a sexless life and to sign his rights away in order to get sex again.

[sawno]

Basically your ask is to big for the vast majority of men. If this is due to religious reasons because of being very conservatively religious date within your own community because thats where your most likely to find them.

Had the marriage system be fixed to where no fault divorce automatically grants the person who didn't leave without a fault the victory in court i'd have security and i'd be willing to marry, at that point it would be very desirable for me to do it since it ensures both don't leave. But as long as the system is that the guy can be screwed either way it becomes blackmail. You withhold something he needs from the relationship until you have permanent superiority over him and can force him to endure things he's not ok with or else he's fucked over by the court system. To any well thinking man aware of this situation that registers as (unintentionally) toxic hence they don't do it.

If you want that to change advocate for divorce law reform, then more guys will be willing to do it again.

[Berethor]

Most men nowadays look for easy sex, I believe that a virgin woman is worth marrying to.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

[sawno]

She'd be the kind of girl your looking for then since she is saving herself for marriage.

[Berethor]

Sure if not for the fact that she anonymous and says nothing to me, not gonna push.

[luvstoned4him]

It's the same with me

I also have great control too

I'm just looking for someone who can at least be into basic monogamy and even that is hard for a lot of men

[sawno]

I'm the kind of guy who is insanely monogamous and wants to explore how deep love can possible be between me and my partner. But simultaneously isn't willing to marry until the no fault divorce laws change to where the person leaving without fault automatically loses in court. So if commitment is all your looking for there should be plenty of guys who traditionally would be eager to marry who now aren't willing to marry but still are willing to commit as if they are married.

[luvstoned4him]

@sawno "insanely monogamous" .. yep we are definitely twins. I understand your point of view and right now it seems a lot of men are in that boat. They don't want to get married. While I wanna get married for a number of reasons but 1 is because I don't wanna be passed around. I figure it's best to lose my V card within something stable like a marriage. I really am not comfortable with just dating to lose it then that relationship doesn't work out and I move on to another and another

[sawno]

The problem is that for guys its still like that, she can leave whenever she wants with little to no consequences but he's trapped and can even get screwed over if she does. That's a kind of power imbalance that I don't tolerate in my relationships. She should have as much risk of me leaving as I have of her leaving since that keeps things balanced and fair, it means both parties have to try and make it work.

[luvstoned4him]

@sawno agreed. That's why I tell my brother to let a woman invest as much as he does in the relationship. If men keep giving women their all and not requiring anything back (because they are gentlemen and love to provide) then when she leaves, she won't miss the relationship

[Truthatanycost]

In life, our words should only confess the outcome we desire. You speaking death over yourself is part of the problem. That creates an energy that will repel, thus becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[DrPepper12]

I admire your being candid with them, that's the correct thing to do. Just the same, to hear that in a getting to know you phase while also saying no nookie til marriage WILL scare guys off. Your looking for a unicorn

[BetaBucks]

Just date middle aged religious guys. They'll be all about it.

[WhitneySnow]

Most guys only want sex, or at the very least they want a relationship that includes sex

[slatyb]

"I don't have a high sex drive." Not what most men are looking for.

[dudeinohio]

Yeah. No sex is kind of a deal-breaker. Gotta try it before you buy it. Don't want to discover sexual incompatibility once it's too late.

[Anonymous]

I don't think any man would want you with no sex drive. It's waste of time.

[Asker]

Is it all about sex?

[Asker]

I will die a virgin then I guess

[Opinion Owner]

Well no. But if you don't give your husband any sex you will be cheated on numerous times.

[Asker]

Husband okay. But not until he is my husband. Omg did you even read my post?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. You sound like a boring person.

[Asker]

I’m just less primitive than you and the average person. Call me boring if you want but I don’t find my life boring because I do things that most people can’t do

[LiamJHayden]

I do not see the logic. People who are lonely might have a wide variety of world views.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if a man told you from start point go. "I'll treat you right, but you have to earn it first"?

[Asker]

Huhhh?

[Opinion Owner]

Not sure what about that question confuses you.

[Asker]

You saying I’m being unreasonable for wanting to wait til marriage?

[Asker]

If it’s only about sex then I’m glad I’m not getting with a man. Filthy

[Opinion Owner]

I'm making a point. But you're not answering my question. I can't answer your if you do not answer mine.

[Asker]

You haven’t made your point very clear. Explain it if you will

[Asker]

I don’t even understand your question

[Opinion Owner]

Nevermind.🙄
Yes, you're going to die alone.👍

[Asker]

Okay I’ll start buying my cats

[Asker]

Better than with you filthy men

[Opinion Owner]

👍👍👍

[Anonymous]

You’re beautiful. And we have the same mind set. ❤️

[Nikki1989]

No surprises there.

[EmmaMary]

Why am I not in the least bit surprised.

[shortster]

You need to stop dating f-boys.

[Hello37736262]

Maybe they’re not ready for that stage

[Anonymous]

I hope you like cats.

[Asker]

I love them. So cute

[Asker]

I will live with my cute cat

[Asker]

Instead of man that will use me and take my energy 🙄

[Opinion Owner]

Perfect

[Asker]

Indeed 🙌