What is a bigger red flag to you, dating someone without friends, or dating someone who isn't close with basically everyone in their family?

[Anonymous]

Dating someone without friends, unless they had friends before, and they moved away or something

Dating someone who isn't close to family

Neither

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Dating someone without friends is a red flag. There could be a few exceptions, but it shows a lack of relationship experience on multiple levels. Even one good friend is fine, but there needs to be someone. I've known people with no friends, and there are reasons they don't have friends, believe me. You also have to watch out for the friend turnover rate. If it's high, major red flag. Some friend turnover is good (bad influences, etc.), but regular turnover is not good.

Dating someone not close to their family is no big deal, and here's why: Families can be seriously messed up and toxic. I think it's courageous to be able to distance and set boundaries with them. I respect it. It would be easier than the opposite; where they are super enmeshed with their family and always listen to their mom/dad over spouse. That would drive me crazy, personally.

"Mom says to cook steak this way, you're doing it wrong"

"Mom says to use this kind of laundry detergent"

"Mom says to use formula for babies or they'll be mama's boys"...

You get the picture.

[Spotifyplaylist]

There could be so many reasons why someone doesn't have friends. It's not always because they're an asshole. Sometimes friendships don't pan out, but I would watch how he interacts with others in social settings. For the family part though it truly just depends. Is the family still around in his life and he chooses to avoid them? If that's the case then there could be so many reasons why he's choosing to not be around his family and honestly not being around family to me isn't a red flag. Considering that a lot of these family members they probably grew up with before they even met you, there's a lot of shit that could have happened between that time and now. However, as their partner you have to be okay with talking to them about your concerns without trying to alienate them.

[hahahmm]

I never had a lot of friends. My wife is my best friend & I'm her best friend.

Sometimes there's a good reason why someone isn't close to everybody in their family. Why matters more than 'oh, Joe isn't having dinner with his Uncle Joe and 5 cousins every week'. Not all families are the same.

But for sure, when you marry someone you are becoming part of their family whether you like it or not so it's important that the family members who are IN their lives aren't scumbags.

[Makeushiver]

I have seen and can easily imagine families that are toxic esp., when drug addiction or alcohol is a predominant factor or when behavior becomes too overwhelming until the cons of maintaining a relationship with that family outweighs the pros. Friends are not an accident of biology. We choose them and those we maintain over the years have withstood the test of time. Given that, I would think friends are a more revealing than family.

[HollyK21]

Neither sound like red flags at all.

[Damaged00]

Neither of those are red flags to me. I've had some toxic family members that I've had to cut out of my life for my own peace. And I only have a few genuine close friends. I'm very selective when it comes to friends and I value quality over quantity. I don't like drama or fake people. Sadly there are just a lot of toxic people that I've trusted but ended up getting burned. I prefer a very small circle to protect myself. I completely understand when people are all about being alone.

[MisterWack]

Depends…

If they lost their mother at a young age and had resentment towards the father for not being there for them in childhood / lost grandparents who raised them…. Can’t blame them.

If the person is shy, quiet, introverted though insanely smart / comes off knowing stuff… I wouldn’t judge that as a red flag.

There needs to be more substance.

[quickquesocheese]

not being in contact with family doesn't have to be a red flag. at least not to me. i mean, blood is definatly not thicker than water, and i think to many people stick by being in contact with family just because.

but the friend thing is definatly a bit odd to be. like one or two close friends, fine. i dont mind, thats as big as my own personal friend group. But not one single friend makes me feel like something might be wrong.

[DizzyDesii]

I rather date an orphan. I wouldn't be disappointed at all if he wasn't close with friends nor family. Those are usually the people who hurt/backstab you the most. Good riddance. I like lonewolves

[DrPepper12]

Families are not relationships of choice so he gets a pass there. No friends is a little sus unless he hangs with coworkers, hobbyists, etc. He may just be happy alone. Alone is not lonely

[Anonymous]

It's not fair to judge people on one random factor without finding out their situation. Some people have valid reasons for not having friends or not being close with their family.

[BCA6010]

Family is a much bigger red flag, if looking for something serious or long term.

[LiamJHayden]

Neither without more info. The lady could be new to the area, therefore a lack of friends would be normal. And a lot of families are downright toxic, so that could be the cause there.

[paledreams]

The lack of family good vibes would make me feel worried lol 😊

[Quidthonian]

I am both those things (no friends, not close to familiy). If you don't "date" me, then you won't find out why I am that way.

[normalice]

A lot of people suck. I get it.

[avery58]

Why should either of them be a red flag?

[exitseven]

I say neither.

[Kingofkings1992]

Neither.