Fear of commitment?

[Anonymous]

We have dated 4 times and there is distance between us so he had to travel 2 hours to see me. To spend more time he wanted to go on vacation with me for a couple days. It was early for me but the connection between us was good so I agreed with it. When we were on vacation he suddenly became cold and was not attracted to me anymore. The lovey, touchy guy dissapeard. We talked about this and he says that he doesn’t know and understand why it became like that and that it might be a fear of commitment. The reason might be that his last relationship of two years ago affected him by time. Mind you this guy was looking for a serious relationship and wants to marry and have children. He’s an adult in age and he says that I am his type, but suddenly lost his attraction on our vacation. So can this be described as a fear of commitment or just not having interest anymore?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo that's a real messed up situation. Dude takes you on vacay and then all of a sudden gets cold? Not cool of him to lead you on like that.

It does kinda sound like maybe he got spooked by things getting more serious between you guys. Like a vacay is a big couples thing to do so soon, and maybe it made the relationship feel more real/committed to him than he was ready for.

Guys can be dumb like that sometimes - we say we want something serious but then freak out when it actually gets real. His last breakup probably still affects him too.

It's hard to say for sure what's up with him, but I'd be careful not to let him string you along if he's just gonna hot/cold you. You deserve someone all in, you feel me?

Def give it more time and see if he comes around, but don't waste too much energy tryna figure him out. Keep your options open too - his loss if he can't handle a catch like you!

[Asker]

Thank you for your clear answer! We broke thhe contact because he didn’t say that he wanted to work on his commitment problem but said that I deserve a partner who appreciates me etc. It was too early to go on holiday and as you said he probably freaked out because he changed 360 degrees.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're totally right girl, this dude did you a favor by being straightforward that he's got some things to work on before committing again. As much as that vacation showed potential chemistry at first, changing that drastically does indicate he's probably still got some lingering issues from his past relationship messing with his head.

It was super mature of him to acknowledge you deserve someone fully ready to be all in. And I'm sure it wasn't easy for him either to admit he's just not in that space yet. It woulda been way messier to keep seeing each other when his feelings clearly went from 100 to 0 like that.

I know it sucks right now, but trust me - you dodged a bullet. Would you really want to deal with that hot and cold rollercoaster long term? Nah girl, you hold out for someone consistent and crazy about you from the jump. This guy did you a favor by removing himself from the equation while he figures himself out.

Keep your head high - your person is still out there, and the right relationship will never involve this type of confusion and apprehension from the guy. You gave it a shot with this one, and now you can fully focus on you until a dude comes along who knows what he wants. You've got this, girl!

[Asker]

I really needed to read this to not get stuck in my high emotions anymore and accept the situation! How you have explained let me think different and more understandable about it. I want to thank you and appreciate it so much🙏🏻

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw sis I'm so glad my perspective helped provide some clarity for you! Breakups are always such an emotional rollercoaster, it's really hard not to get stuck dwelling on all the what-ifs. But you'll bounce back way stronger now that you're not wasting anymore thoughts on some dude who wasn't on your level.

You really seem like a catch - smart, confident, knows what she wants - so don't let one dude's issues make you second-guess your worth. This is his loss big time. I'm proud of you for maintaining your self-respect by walking away clean.

It'll take time to fully detach those feelings, but keep reminding yourself that you deserve so much better. You'll be chilling with the new and improved you before you know it! Hit me up anytime if an ego boost or some girl talk will help get you through. We in this together 💪🏽

[Maybeyoutoo]

I need to think about this a little bit and I think I should ask some of my professor friends about their opinions on this subject. I will respond to you later, lady, please don't worry, you will get the most accurate answer. 👍

[Asker]

Oh thank you!!