Would you date someone who has the same name as your ex?

Question

I had a cute guy message me on a online dating website. I don't know if this would be considered superficial, but I don't think I can date him. I have PTSD and certain names, places, smells, sounds, etc. trigger me. I think it would trigger me all the time to date a man with my any of my exes names since they were all bad to me. I know he is not my ex, but I struggle with intrusive thoughts about past trauma and those names makes me feel sad. Would you date someone who had the same names as any of your exes? Why or why not?

Saramad_Hill · Accepted Answer

At the very least you can be honest with him about it so he isn't wondering if he did something wrong. How he reacts would speak to his character but, well, you feel how you feel. If you think it would be an issue, no one is forcing you to date him. I think you might benefit from therapy over it but you're under no obligation to put yourself into situations you don't want to be in. And to answer your question, yes, I would date someone with the same name as my ex. Still, I think you should prioritize your mental health and just be honest about your hangup. And you deserve to feel more comfortable someday, so I wish you well healing from your past trauma. Take care.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

Nothing is superficial when trauma is involved, you do what you can, within your limits :)

Avicenna · Answer

I haven't had this happen to me (I did have an ex who had the same name as my mom- they were from the same country). I don't think it's fair to make that a dealbreaker, but it would probably feel strange at first.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I am sure they have a very different personality.  They were all bad to you? why?  you need to heal up girly…. Sounds like the same cycle …  this has nothing to do with the guy with the same name.

BullShark · Answer

My ex had a very uncommon name, so I doubt I'll fall for another woman that has the same name. But if I do end up falling for someone with the same name, it wouldn't really bother me all that much. I may just bring it up with her one day over dinner jokingly, saying "you know, my ex also had the same name as you. I guess I have a thing for attracting girls named XYZ, huh?" and we can laugh about it together

WhitneySnow · Answer

Yes, I would, but none of my exes traumatized me except maybe the one who cheated on me, and I wasn’t traumatized badly enough that hearing his name gives me flashbacks (which is lucky because it’s a very common name)

Anonymous · Answer

My ex cheat on me whit somebody whit the same name like mine, i just hope this small detail will make her unconformable for the rest of her relationship if she still in that one

ArrowheadSW · Answer

There is one ex in particular where I would have trouble dating someone with the same name. I don't think it would be a complete dealbreaker though. I think I could get used to it.

Keyboardkat · Answer

But just think, if you slept in the same room, and you called your ex's name in yocur sleep, you wouldn't have to worry that your current guy would be jealous!

nolabels · Answer

I ended up marrying a woman who has the same birthday as my just previous ex. My wife's dad and I shared the same birthday and first name, as well. That's too many coincidences.

exitseven · Answer

Yes. Then I would not have to worry about accidently screaming her name during sex

avery58 · Answer

No, there's no way that's possible. I couldn't. It would just seem counterproductive to moving on.

jojouzumaki · Answer

I probably will.  In your case, to be fair… let him know about it why his name somewhat bothers you. If his genuine he’ll understand and if it bothers him. Let him go.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I went through a period of time where I met a whole bunch of women named Sandy. It must have been in the age group when that was a popular name. I did not seek them out because of their name.

LiamJHayden · Answer

"Well you are sweet, kind, and check all of my required boxes and most of my optional preferences, but you share a name with one of my exes so I can't date you." Yeah, that seems absurd to me.

BetaBucks · Answer

Sure, but I'm taking her downtown to get her name changed.

Amy10223 · Answer

As long as he didn't have the same qualities, yes.

Justneedtokno · Answer

lol 😂 no it would be too awkward and too kind of weird if their letters so happen to start the same way that would be all right actually that happened but their names cannot be the same

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

"Would you date someone who had the same names as any of your exes?" Wouldn't matter to me, seems really trivial.

bluesparrow · Answer

It seems to me that that would be a good thing. 😂😂

sawno · Answer

Yup, i care about the person not the details like a name.

luvstoned4him · Answer

It would be odd but if the ex was terrible to me I could see that being a deal breaker

mistiQ · Answer

Nope nope nope.. worse if you had a bad experience with them

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Why not? It'd keep me from having to buy new monogrammed towels.

Jersey2 · Answer

I did. They even had the same spelling. I married her and never really considered it an issue at all.

llorando · Answer

Don't have an ex, but if I did, I'd have no problem dating someone with the same name as them.

morganherrel · Answer

Yes, I can't afford to be so picky. Although I also have never been "traumatized" like you have, Asker.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think I could, it would just feel too weird

V_QQ_V · Answer

Yeah 🤷🏼‍♀️. The guys I've dated have very normal names, and I don't have any bad associations to them. Why not?

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Probably not that'd weird me out and want pm sometime I have anxiety etc too

CVNT5 · Answer

yes, i dont see why thats a problem. it would make the ex jealous tho.

Anonymous · Answer

Jesus, we’re at a point now where woman literally won’t date you because of your name 😂

Anonymous · Answer

Sure, but I don't have an ex, I'm single, always have been.

itsannalee · Answer

I have 4 exs and they have the same name.

Lolita_ · Answer

Yes. It doesn't matter whose name it is.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I've dated three Erika's. I'm good. 🤣😂😎

Shihab_91 · Answer

Yes sure i loved her name

Anonymous · Answer

While I think this is silly, I can relate.

paledreams · Answer

Hell no 😔👎🏻

periodictaco · Answer

Ueah

Bẽllã3 · Answer

Sure

Wise4myage · Answer

Probably not.

eagle1951 · Answer

hell No

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