What should I do about this guy I was seeing for a month who now wants to make our relationship friends with benefits instead of dating?

[Anonymous]

A month ago, I made a bumbl account & matched w a guy I went to elementary school with. We both had looking for a long term partner on our profiles. We are in our late 20s & haven’t spoken since hs.

It seemed to be going well. We have degrees in similar fields, & while we work different jobs we are able to talk ab our days. We have similar interests & values. He lives an hour away from me, which is good bc it means no pressure to see someone constantly.

1st it was great, we went on dates & we hooked up a few times. Then, ~2 weeks ago, he started cancelling when we were supposed to hang out bc he was exhausted. He began sending me 1/2 word replies. He stopped texting me if I didn’t text him. I didn’t text him for a few days to see if he’d take initiative, & he didn’t text me, but he was looking at my social media.

I texted him, & he started texting me again & w longer replies, so I figured maybe he just needed space bc he’s been overworked. Then, 2 days ago he texts me that he’s going through serious health issues he was unaware of b4, & he’s not in a place for anything romantic, but that he still wants to be friends & hookup. I called him to talk about it, & he gave me the old “no, you’re 10/10, you’re amazing, you’re great, I just know I can’t be fair to a SO rn, but I still want to be friends with you, & if you want to still hookup/send nudes I’m down”.

BUT I have feelings for him. I think we could have something really good. But, that’s off the table for now. I just don’t think I can put myself through being friends & hooking up w someone I want to be with. But, I don’t want to be the ah that ditches someone who has health concerns. He has been texting me since our convo.

I feel conflicted. If he were telling me he’s not into me, I’d just block him & move on. But bc he says the reason is his health, it makes me feel like I’d be an ah for that. His reason also makes me hopeful once he figures it out something could happen between us.

[Anonymous]

You need to let it go and stop settling. You made that profile looking for a long term partner, and nothing has changed. Trust me I get it, you wanted that to work and us women worry about things like body count (unless you don’t worry about that) or not wanting to feel used. But these are things you just can’t worry about, and shouldn’t stick around a guy for the sake of. You run the risk of looking desperate at this point since you’ve so prominently chased, I don’t think you should devalue yourself any more. You deserve better.