A man I started dating for something serious asked to be friends with benefits because I’m moving out of town, but now he acts hot and cold?

[Sofialma]

I started dating this man I found online 2 months ago and we were both looking for something serious. He knew I was waiting for a promotion by the end of summer so they would be chances that I might move. At first he says it didn’t bother him and we started having dates such as movies or cooking together. We used to text a lot about funny stuff or more deep conversations. I spent some days out of town as it’s summer but as soon as I’’ get back, we’d see each other. I got confirmation 2 weeks ago for my promotion which makes me move out in a city 1h30 far from him. He told me he wasn’t into long distance so we should keep it friends with benefits for the summer to protect each other. Which I agreed as he was being honest and respectful. However it began more and more complicated as we continued these dating/texting habits bc sometimes he would act distant or delete cute messages he sent to me before I’d see them. Now he keeps on texting me/asking for news but he takes days to answer which I know is not his way of doing. I’m aware he has a life and we used to text whenever we could due to our jobs and duties but always had the rule to tell each other when we were too busy to speak. Now all of this is fading away, and I’m feeling quite bad bc this is not what I agreed: first days of the friends with benefits situation he was still caring and all but now I feel like a booty call. I know were nothing but friends with benefits but his actions are mixed, he’s either really there for me or really cold. I’d like some external POV because I don’t want to end up hurting, and I didn’t change my behaviour toward him.

[Interstate]

You should stay away from friends with benefits. All it is is using each other for sex, which is doing nothing but disrespecting each other. Anyway, this relationship is a lost cause. Because you won't be local, he doesn't want to be bothered anymore. This isn't a guy worth the time of day, and you are better off without him. When a guy takes forever to text back, that is your red flag that he no longer has interest and wants to go separate ways. It is for the best things are turning out the way they are.

Taking into consideration things between the two of you are fading away, this is nature's way of saying the two of you aren't meant to be. But also, I wouldn't even consider a friendship. If he is behaving the way he is now, how could you be so sure he will be dependable to be there to have your back? It is time to forget him, move out to the city and move on with life.

[spartan55]

Don't take this wrong, but what did you expect when you agreed to friends with benefits? I'll never understand why any woman would agree to that arrangement. I get that he acted the same at first, but friends with benefits essentially was an 'out' for him and you gave it to him.

[Sofialma]

I expected it to stay the same. We didn’t know each other well so being friends with benefits was a good deal before I leave. Spending good times and checking on each other. Now it appears as he only takes the benefits, I didn’t see it as an out but now you point it out.. was I too nice or easy?

[spartan55]

I wouldn't say you were too easy, or too nice, you just weren't considering the potential downside of friends with benefits (which women rarely do)

[SphynxUK]

He doesn’t want a relationship with you, but is prepared for a friends with benefits situation because it suits him; it isn’t ‘protecting’ shit!
Move on.
If he wanted you, a measly 1.30hr journey would not matter.

[ohshee]

He's hurt and he really likes you and he's upset tries to show it in a different way instead of just telling you

[Sofialma]

Would I appear to clingy or pushy If I start asking him what’s wrong? If likes me maybe that could be a way for him to express himself but I don’t want to force him into it

[ohshee]

I don't know him so I'm not really for sure. What is it sounds like to me is that he really likes you and he's angry because you're moving but then he's angry at the same time because you don't reply right back to him so he thinks it he probably has some other guy that's just the vibe that I get I don't know that for sure but I also understand the reason why he likes you so much

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to get attached to you and then have you move. So maybe you just have to end it now before you move if it's already causing issues?

[Sketti2021]

Not interested