Should I be afraid on being single again?

[JackThompson2]

So im 28y and been in a relationship with this girl now for over 2 years now. She is amazing in many ways, super loyal and my main reason for choosing her is that she would be an amazing mother. She is ready for kids, and i am aswell only that i wanna buy a house first. We have been looking for a house now for some months and we got this very good deal with a building company. Its not the biggest house but its new and would be safe for our economy for many years to come.. problem is that we can't come to an agreement, she isn't interested in the new house.. she have dreamed on pinterest for so many years before she met me so she has the dream to renovate. And has all these pictures she wants to make our future home but i dont agree to buy some old crappy house to spend my next 10-15years renovating... Because i know im the one who have to do 90% of the work.. she is so back and forth and she admits constantly that she dont know what she wants and she doesn't understand the building consepts when im explaining.. we have had our ups and downs like every relationship, and now i feel this is gonna be the end of us if we can't find an agreement. and im afraid of becoming a single 28y man who wants a family and house in the next coming years and i wouldn't be able to buy a house alone within the next 5 years probably...

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really tough situation man. Buying a house is such a huge decision that you both need to agree on.

I get why you'd wanna go with the new build route - it's a safe bet financially over the long run if you don't have to pour money into renovations yourself. And you're right, that would end up being mostly on you to do the work.

At the same time, I understand her wanting the "project" house she can make uniquely hers. That's a big part of the fun of homeownership for some people.

The good thing is you really care about each other and want the same long term goals of family and stability. Could there be a compromise, like new construction but getting her input on design choices? Or starting small with a reno but hiring help?

If she's super on the fence, it might be best to call it quits versus rushing into something you'll both regret. Being single in your late 20s isn't so bad - you'd still have time. But I know it's scary not having that partnership.

Maybe take a break and give each other space to think. See if you can meet halfway or if it really is a dealbreaker. You never know - maybe taking the pressure off will help or you'll meet someone even more compatible. Just do what feels right for you long run, bro. You'll figure it out!

[OlderAndWiser]

She's dreaming and you need her to confront reality, so. . . why don't you suggest to her that the two of you volunteer to spend a weekend working for Habitat for Humanity, Maybe if she gets a real idea of the work involved, rather than an armchair view courtesy of the HG Channel, she will revise her plans.

[Anonymous]

Sure be afraid dating sucks! But also give her time. A year or two!

Give her dumb tiny projects to work on that she will hate!

Make her do the work and see how fast her mind changes!

Women love to dream but hate work

[JackThompson2]

Well i dont think she wants to wait over a year to have kids 😅 and neither of us wants to wait that long to buy a house. Problem with buying and old crappy house just to scrap the whole project and resell not even half done would be a big economical loss. a lot wasted just in fees and interests to the bank.. also she is exhausted by 5-6pm. I mean example our intimacy have dramatically been reduced the last 10-12 months because by 8-9pm he has no energy left.. so it makes me question how much she could have done to a house. Maybe paint a wall or two.. im willing to put a lot of my energy and resources into a new home now that we have the Chance. Ill do everything if that what it takes. But i do not want to exhaust myself just to still have an old house which constantly needs fixing.

[Opinion Owner]

Well maybe a fixer that needs less fixing? If you two can't agree over this no chance you two make it married!
Sorry it's dropped so much bet your getting needy and she is not wanting most times?

I'd love kids soon but so single.
Maybe talk to her about kids and you two need them soon her clock ticking? Need a house that is not half demoed.

I'd talk to her for you but kinda can't

[Peridot25]

The only one that can make the decision of staying or ending the relationship is you.

[Nirmroth]

I think she highly understimates how much work AND TIME it would be renovating a house and potentially taking care of children. It will cost a lot too.

Just try to explain it to her or maybe try to find an expert. Some women like to dream and you kindly need to explain why it just isn't possible or try to find a compromise.

[boggboss]

Have u sat down and explained to her that this subject could mean the end of the relationship does she understand that?

[JackThompson2]

haven't been said directly, but she have been stubborn and just said that we won't buy a house then or another of her ideas is just to buy a small temporary house to live in for a couple of years untill we find out everything. But i tell her we are gonna waste a lot of money that way.

[boggboss]

Maybe before entertaining thats u will end things u need to have a serious conversation with her with how u feel about this subject and I doubt she understands how u feel about this

[Fromdusktilldawn]

an indecisive women... oh boy you really should rethink if you wanna start a family with her. Also about you becoming a house renovator for her.

[JackThompson2]

Indecicive like most women 😅 at least in my experience. She do have a lot of good qualities like she would still be a good mother, she is very equal with how we do most things. And even while she has a lot more savings than me (which is the main reason we can even buy a house) she doesn't judge that she has more money than me. But ye she can be in dreamland often and she has jealousy and self image problems.. so i dont know if im being selfish for setting my foot down in the house choices