I am very worried I will remain single?

Question

I am a 21 year old female

currently studying at university in another city, but i am often at my parents in out hometown i use the train a lot.
For as long as i gan remeber i always wanted a boyfriend omce and one of my life goals us to be married at the age of 30 and to have children.

i am very worried with each year passing by i am getting closer and there are still no dates or guys in my life. I never was close to a guy or kissed one. I am a smart woman, i really dont look unattractive as well. I would say the peoblem is that i dont go out much and dont seem that open. I know i have to sozialize more, but ialso dont know where. I also know i can meet guys at uni and on the train and i always look around, but never see one. And if I would how should i just approach one. I habe been trying to ask a few guys out, but nothing would happen. Somehow love doesn't want me to find. I know i am still doung but iam TERRIFIED so many girls at my age have boyfriends and i mustvadmit i am very jelaous. I really dont know what to do shen I hit 25 and i am still single.

also my family stresses me out. My dad left me. I dont wanna talk with my mom about this stuff. And my grandparents just tell me that i whouldbje with a boy by now all the time. I just remain silent and think to myslef bitch i know what i am supoosed to do.

months are passing and years and stil nothing.
also i had once a terrible fight with my mom nefore my dad left us and she told me i will never have anyone. Because my dad will leave me and she wilö leave as well and will habe no one no girl no bo. y or kids. Hoenstly taht really HURT me i think she knew my dad will left us and she was angry at me for sonething and said this. Still can't get it out of my head. I dont wamna tell her how scared i am. I am trying to find know a guy by my own but i am very desperate

helo me please

RavVid · Accepted Answer

I think the first thing is understand male mate selection criteria and how you fit with that. A lot of women seem to think female mate selection criteria is what guys use and they are very wrong. For example we simply don't care how smart you are. We don't care about what you earn.

We will marry a broke high school drop out waitress if she is nice, kind and cooperative. That sort of comes down to being liveable with. Your mom was extremely mean & hurtful to you. That didn't come from nowhere. I'd guess she was the same to your dad and that is why he left. Your mom is the exact opposite of what you should be.

We want to be sexually aroused over you. There is a needle to thread on this. You can dress hot and have your tits out. That will certainly get attention but wrong attention for you. You seem to be very strongly relationship oriented and that is a big plus. We like and prize femininity. Some cleavage is OK, tits out isn't. I'd suggest wearing dresses and skirts because that is telling guys a bit on who you are.

You are inexperienced with guys. Start getting experienced. Simply say hello to your male class mates and smile. You don't need to say anything brilliant, a comment on the weather or lecture is fine. If you pat one dog you have to pat the whole pack right? So be nice and friendly to all the guys and greet them.

Don't be one of those girls that guys think will call the cops if they say hello. You have said you don't seem that open. All the more important to do greetings as above.

I partly read an article yesterday on how women should stop being nice and kind. It was bs. Being nice and kind are feminine virtues that we really like. People who are kind are happier in life and have fewer health problems. Plus are more attractive. It is rewarding to be kind to others. So bring out the nice kind side of you by being that.

I seem to always end up saying this. As guys get older, they become more relationship oriented. So I'd suggest you to consider guys 5 years older not just those your own age.

Is it possible to reach out to your dad? I don't think he left you but rather that he had to leave your mom's vitriol. If she could say what she said to you, I imagine she said worse to him. It seems to me it is - justly - an issue for you and I'd hope for you that you could reconnect.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My advice to you is simple. I'll explain what and why. Don't reject my ideas.

1) Throw your morals out and comfort out the window. They are self sabotaging you.

2) Right down a list of things you can learn that would help you get your husband.

3) You don't have time and don't ever pretend like you do! You cannot afford that attitude. I'm telling you. Don't let people tell you you're 21.

I'm not trying to scare you but I want you to understand that life doesn't wait for you.
You have to change and order to get new results. And I'm talking about deep rooted change, where you literally become someone new.

I don't know all the things holding you back but if you work on those things your life will shift so fast.

Ask out the guys. Stop waiting for the perfect line or time. Just do it. You're trying to act beyond where you are. You're not good at this. That's okay. Act where you are and you'll get better. You'll learn from it. And if you keep doing these scary things you stop feeling scared and start feeling nothing at all.

And stop thinking negative. Change you thoughts everything you think a negative thought about your future and about yourself. That negativity isn't helping you. It's self sabotaging you and causing a lot of pain. It's self abuse. Think that you're already married and happy. And then do the things you know that would help you. No matter what you see don't start thinking negative. You'll want to give in to the negativity so bad and start thinking negative thoughts but dont. Soon you won't be even able to think negative thoughts unless u try. won't even take long. Forget about your parents and the other girls. You are married and happy right now. Now all you need to do it remain in that thinking. If you see a girl with her guy remember u are already married and happy. And start doing the actions that you know will help you. Like getting comfortable asking guys out. Or going to any social thing. You know some even if it is a band concert. Go. Just try. You figure it out eventually. And remember you are already married and happy. Sounds illogical to do it this way but do it this way.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

You might want to tone down this, you have to be married by 30 thing. There is no perfect age to get married. Some people marry later in life than others. But since you are only 21, I don't think you have much to worry about.

First, belay the, "I am Desperate" . Nothing will work out if you're acting out of desperation. There is no need this early in your life.

It seems you're suffered some negative events from your father's exit to your mother's verbal abuse. It sounds like your parents have unloaded their dysfunction upon you and have scarred you.

You have access to counseling through your university. Take advantage of this and talk out these problems with a professional. There won't be any or very little cost to you, and it'll be worth it to get emotional support while you stabilize your life and move into a new realization of what your future can hold and happiness right now.

Until YOU are stable and happy, you will not be able to attract someone similar. Good luck! And keep the faith!

Lauliss · Accepted Answer

Woman, you really have an extremely toxic family!
I also wanted a family and get married very young (I'm 20), but for personal reasons, I don't want it anymore. Also, please, first love yourself so you don't have to depend on other's opinions and validation. And if you really want love, then yes, go out more, meet new people, but don't go anywhere. Go to church, go to sport clubs, libraries (healthy places where sex isn't the main thing), etc. Socialize more and then you'll meet a man.

Avicenna · Answer

Just focus on finishing your education, then you will have plenty of time to meet a guy you want to have kids with.

Sanser · Answer

It´s hard to be in that situation... it's very frustrating... I really think that you shouldn't think that way but lets work in that confidence and that social skills :D

First: YOU ARE IN COLLEGE It's an amazing oportunity to do a lot of activities! Go to clubs, if u are shy with guys just do girl friends and that will open a lot of doors to know more people and guys!

Second:Do sports! There are a lot of apps to do sports like Padel, tenis, golf... with a lot of random people and they are around 20 to 30 years old, if you like a sport that is for few people I bet there is an app for it. Hit the gym, thats also an oportunity to go out instead to be in your home and it will be healthy for you! Maybe you dont meet no one there but you will have a hobby and thats atractive!

Third: Smile and joke, be happy! A happy person is always atractive, they give energy to everyone and they are the best to be with so why don' turn in one of that kind of people? I think this is the most important and I have to say that the two times I falled in love was because of it. Last time I falled in love was with a girl who I didn't even notice and wasn't a big deal but when we had an interaction and she talked to me with a big smile and joking I just fell...

Like i said you must be a person who you would be comfortable with and if you want to find people you must have hobbies like those I said that make you have interaction with other people. At the end if you are not locked in your room and you talk to people you will end finding the right one, I really know you will :)

Good luck and don't hurt yourself anymore, enjoy life and be happy!

razelove · Answer

I pretty much ignored and rejected women I met in college because most of them were radical feminists and dating them would degrade me and not bring any happiness. Add on to that 63% of single men under 30 are choosing to be single now, as opposed to over a decade ago.

You have over a 50% chance of getting rejected before any other considerations begin. Anywho, I did meet my wife in college. She approached me, but got under my radar by asking to study together since she had better grades in that class. I didn't think about what her agenda was, or how she knew my grades.

She was offering to help me out, genuinely, and it allowed us to get closer. Women don't owe men a relationship, and the reverse is also true. I'm most definitely not saying to spread your legs, but start by simply getting close, figuring out what men want, which is typically very simple.

Especially in a school setting don't approach it from a relationship angle. Pretty much every woman who did I just slept with or wasn't interested in. I don't believe myself to be some special snowflake, I'm a pretty average guy.

It isn't like you have anything to lose if you try it, right?

Anonymous · Answer

First of all, stop putting deadlines on yourself. It's absolutely pointless and will do nothing but hold you back even more. Things happen when they happen and very rarely does anything go as planned. That's just life.

Secondly, you're only 21. You shouldn't even be thinking about this. As you get older and more mature, you'll begin to be more comfortable with yourself and truly know who you. Then you'll find the confidence you need to put yourself out there and attract more people into your life (as in men).

The way you're thinking now will only make you more depressed and miserable, and will hinder your ability to find that confidence in yourself. Which will make everything worse and you may actually end up alone at 35 (Stop saying 25)

OddBeMe · Answer

Firstly you're prioritizing the cart before the horse. The goal is to meet someone interesting and the meet again and again and again. Thus sex and relationship comes. As you hopefully will :)

Secondly, I would try to shake off any intent on finding a boyfriend and focus on talking to men. Or women…as both seem to frighten you. Make many friends as they love setting single people up on dates.

I was fortunate in HS to have nearly all girls as friends. And while they didn’t set me up, I learned how to talk-and like talking to them.

Anonymous · Answer

The majority of the collective are lost, brainwashed or on the wrong path. Most men will just go out with you for sex and the rest will ghost you for something better. All of those women you mention that have boyfriend or are in relationship, most of them have no idea about relationships or boyfriend, and will end up without. The only way to find a good man and be married in a long lasting solid relationship with a real foundation is through God. Doing so on your own shoulders will only lead to problems. If more people knew this, dating apps and websites would be out of use. But in order to seek this man through God, you need to become a woman of God and that requires effort... an effort few are willing to take.

es20490446e · Answer

Does your family situation make you feel abandoned? Do you fear the same is going to happen with interactions outside your family? Do you think people are going to react as bad as your father?

RHK36 · Answer

Not to sound rude, but you don't sound ready for a relationship. Your outlook on things sound immature. Stay focused on your studies and don't concern yourself with outside pressures. Find a relationship that happens organically. The harder you try to force the issue the more likely you'll end up settling instead of finding someone compatible.

Anonymous · Answer

Its easier as a woman. You just need to show signs that you like a man if you see him. And he will ask you out most likeley if he is intressted.

Or you can download a dating app. Despite what people say you can meet someone very serious from a dating app. Put in your profile you are looking for a serious relationship and only show pics where you are dressed modest.

AutisticLonelyWoman · Answer

I feel the same way and I’m 20. The guys I was with sucks. Plus I have autism and I’m afraid I’ll be single for the rest of my life because if it.

virtualwasp · Answer

I'm not I'm worried I'll settle for the wrong person if I panic I will remain single

Mansearching · Answer

Quit putting so much pressure on yourself. It'll happen when it happens. Just relax.

clampfan101 · Answer

I’m 35 and not giving up on finding my future wife. I never will until I finally find her.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you saying you never dated?

I am very worried I will remain single?

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