Why does my cousin keep rejecting guys? Doesn’t she realize that time is ticking?

[Anonymous]

My cousin is 38 (will be 39 next year) and hasn’t dated since she was 23. 23! Are you kidding me? I know it’s her life but she doesn’t always chose the best men. Most of the men she dated were douchbags. She told me her former ex boyfriend was a douche bag and he abused her for “emasculation”, like her being tall and whatever. That’s so stupid.
She’s 5’10 and he’s 5’11. Anyways she hasn’t dated in 15 almost 16 years! Like girl come on! She wasted her youth being single and not giving guys a chance. She said she’s given guys a chance and talked to them but didn’t work out.

My aunt and uncle (her parents) are concerned and told her she should consider dating again because she isn’t getting any younger. They said her guy friend that’s had a HUGE crush on her since grade school is an ideal boyfriend but she keeps rejecting him.

I told her, “Oh come on! Just give him a chance. He may not be the ideal guy you want but he is a great guy. He never abandoned you, even when you went to the dance with him, he always stood by your side and never just walked away to hang without telling you like your old crush did. Your old crush just left without letting you know.”

She scolded at me to stay out of her live life and she doesn’t want a boyfriend. I told her she always says that. I think it’s because her guy friend isn’t good looking or tall (like 6’2). Average guys make better boyfriends anyways. So what if her guy friend is 5’7 and a little chubby? He is better that her douchebag ex boyfriends.

She said she’s busy with work and college so stay the hell out of her private and love life.

Okay fine.

[Cormac995]

Your sister sounds like the problem in this from what I'm hearing. This sounds like she's narcissist with unrealistic expectations the fact she's stringing that poor guy along after everything he's done tells me she's an awful person with little regard for how men feel around her so maybe her boyfriends were mean to her because she treated them like crap. The guy sounds like he's in love with her ffs and he's wasting time on her he should spend on someone who won't string him along for years. I feel bad for him in this she sounds like the problem.

[Asker]

No no no. She isn’t a mean person although she’s awful about relationships and has bad taste in men. She DID told her guy friend she isn’t interested at all. I told her she kept saying that but she keep going after douchebags that does not respect her. I also told her that she keeps using her guy friend as a shoulder to cry on and doesn’t appreciate his worth and if she doesn’t, he will move on. I told her that her expectations like you said are too high and she is pushing away shorter men or less good looking.

[Asker]

She’s my cousin not my sister

[Asker]

Like I said, he never abandoned her, and always treated her with respect and like a queen. She said she appreciates it but he’s a nice guy. I told her she didn’t have otherwise she wouldn’t be treating him like this and it’s hurtful. He texts her a lot and she texts him back.

[Cormac995]

This doesn't help your case thats she's not being a good person. Even if all her ex's were crap and she 100% wasn't the problem she 100% is now. She needs to stop stringing him along and using him as an emotional dumping ground. I had a girl do that to me and it messed with my head for years and caused me a massive mental breakdown when she decided to date one of my best friends at the time after I spent two months being stung along listening to her crying at 1 o'clock in the morning to make her feel better. This guy deserves better your cousin is being cruel right now. She either needs to give him a chance or let him move on this is unfair. Also, yea I read she was your cousin sorry I must have jumbled it in my head as I was writing.

[Asker]

That’s okay. Yeah you do make a really great point. She KNOWS he is in LOVE with her. She did the same thing that girl did to you which I’m so sorry that happened. This guy friend of hers would always had an opening ear and listen to her all theses years. Like she told me she cried when her last boyfriend tore her apart and he stayed up late listening to her and there for her. Even she told me she ranted to him that the guy she went to prom with hurt her but abandoning her and I told her to just give her guy friend a chance and stop abusing the poor guy! I told her she basically used him for almost 20 years and he should have moved on! I told her bluntly that she is the problem. She wasted 15 years being single even she talked to guys it didn’t work out. The bitch is almost 40! I told her to get real!

[Cormac995]

Speaking from experience I can tell you that right now that guys is a stressed out, unhappy, tired lonely mess because of this. Frankly he probably has spent more than one night drunk and or crying in frustration at the situation being in love and unable to pull away and move on because she keeps yanking him back even though she says she's not interested. I swear it really does feel like people genuinely believe men don't have feelings or that we can "Take it".

I think about "Self destructing" on a regular basis because of how many times I've been abused and how lonely I've gotten after giving up. Your sister is going to turn that guy into me and I promise you he probably feels like he's in h*** right now. To me this sounds like your cousin wants all the perks of a relationship without any of the work. She's more than happy to receive love and attention from him but when he wants reciprocation, she shrugs him off. You don't get to demand love from someone, and you don't have the right to someone's love time and attention if you don't give love time and attention back. That's a parasitic relationship and completely toxic. It's not fair, she's exploiting him. That's why I have trouble believing she's as nice as you think she is her actions are incredibly cruel.

[Asker]

You’re so right! I wish you can knock some sense into her. I feel bad for her guy friend and I demanded her to talk to the guy and be there for him because honestly he should have moved on from her.

[Cormac995]

The way I see it at this point for his sake you might need to just go over her head and try to talk the guy into giving up and explain to him how toxic this dynamic is. H*** show him this post and everything I said if you want. If this guy has stuck around for almost 20 years of this he doesn't just love her this guy is invested all the way he'd marry her if she asked. No man would wait that long unless they we're completely and totally smitten. From where I'm standing, I think the poor guy thinks she's his soul mate.

[ohsheeT]

Yep I probably couldn't have said it any better than your cousin

That's her time that's her space it's her life right now she's focused on something different and she wants to complete that I'm sure she could do all three but you know what that's her prerogative... you're creating drama for her and she doesn't need it

[Screenwriter]

You cousin is making her own choices. If she doesn't marry, or have a relationship, then those things aren't that important to her. Why are they so important to you FOR her?

She's right when she says stay out of her business. Worry about making yourself happy.

[Summeroflove]

Because if she isn’t genuinely interested she shouldn’t waste someone’s time.

[Asker]

Exactly! She’s stringing him along and verbally abused him for almost 2 decades

[Summeroflove]

He needs to find better

[Summeroflove]

She deserves to be alone

[Asker]

We’ll she should be alone because she’s almost 40 and wasted 15 years stringing along this port guy but at the same time he wasted his time on someone that takes advantage of him and he should have moved on.

[Summeroflove]

True but it doesn’t mean he deserves being abused if he has a good heart. But some people just never can see there is better

[Asker]

True. The guy does have a good heart and he’s been in LOVE with my cousin for YEARS. Yet she complains about there’s no good men. HELLO! There’s one right in front of her!!

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I feel sorry for people like that. He definitely deserves better

[oldpigg]

This is actually a post made to make fun of short and fat men. Anyway, 39 is already old and at that age they shouldn't have boyfriends anymore.

[oldpigg]

Short and fat women are not attractive.

[Asker]

What? No it isn’t.
What’s wrong with a 39 year old having a boyfriend? I mean most people are married at that age but still. Plus I think she’s been taking advantage of her girlfriend for like 20 years by not appreciating him since high school. I kept telling her that man is in LOVE with her! She even told me he admitted to her he’s been in love with her since freshman year since 2000 or 2001. So the 2000-2001 school year.

[David5668]

Maybe she’s content with single life? It’s not a crime, you know?

[Astarlessnightsky]

You don't waste your time if you stay single.

[Asker]

Exactly so I don’t understand why people keep bugging me to date again. It’s like a woman is expected to have a man.

[HungTexan]

Probably hasn’t found the right guy yet.

[Asker]

Yeah she is very picky

[slatyb]

Not everyone wants what you want.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[slatyb]

Does she complain about her inability to find a male partner? If she's not complaining, then it's probably not important to her. Signs are that she would rather be single than with anyone she has met.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Female entitlement.

[Asker]

What?

[msc545]

Worry about yourself, not her.

[Asker]

Yeah true. I’m sick of my parents nagging me on dating my guy friend. I keep telling them I’m not interested

[Anonymous]

She can’t marry inferior genetics lol

[Asker]

Okay….. lol