If guy who admits to not expressing emotions well says "goodnight and ❤️" what does he mean?

[Anonymous]

I'm 36. He's 28. I should know better than reading emojis right. But I like him a lot and we have got closer. We have met in person and had amazing physical passion but distance is an issue right now as well as the age gap but we have been getting closer in text over months and he struggles to open up but has done much more lately. We both want the physical again badly. Does the hearts indicate more feeling? Or could still just be sexual? He uses 😈 a lot for sexual feeling though. So why the ❤️ now?

[Cormac995]

With the context given I think it's pretty clear he meant "I love you." If you had more details, I could be more confident it what I recommend he's thinking. Also don't be insecure about the age gap it's a stupid societal taboo that doesn't need to exist for any reason.

A man I know and respect and think of as a grandfather is married to a woman 20 years younger than him. They've been together for well over 20 years maybe more I can't remember for sure when they got married, I wasn't there, and they told me a long time ago.

They're just as in love today as they were when they got married, they have a healthy loving relationship, and you can feel the love they have for each other radiating off them when you see them together.

He's not even close to being a minor hell I'm 29 and I'd date a 37-year-old and the reason and I'd be dating with the intention of being ife partners if it went well and the bond kept growing into love.

I probably wouldn't go even higher to like 38-maybe even 40 if we had a connection is because I don't want to end up being a widower for a decade if my partner passes. If they go before me, I'd want to pass soon after so I can see them again.

Sometimes I'm not sure "What" I believe in but there has been this part of me inside that makes me feel like it's a fact that there is a higher power and life after death in some form. I don't know how to explain it, but I know it in my mind that there is a heaven and there is a hell even if it's not in the sense that humans think it is with our religions.

[Asker]

Aww that's a lovely reply. I have Bern feeling blessed. Like whatever he meant.. I feel loved in some way or another. And that's a gift. I fantasise about us having a relationship. But I feel it needs to come from him. He has to choose to overcome the distance issue and be OK with our age gap to take that risk. I've tried letting him go but something always pulls me back. I am trying to have trust in the universe that if it's meant to be it will be. The meaning of a ❤️ to me is not something you throw around lightly. I know some people do. But I don't think he does. Anyways thank you. I appreciate your input!

[Cormac995]

Ok one thing I can tell you is if you want to start a committed relationship with him the best thing you could do in this situation is actually to take the lead and not leave it up to him to come to you.

I have severe social anxiety like him and I'm telling you right now If I was in this situation and I was in love with a woman, and she came to me and took the lead instead of me having to do it I would be beyond relived and basically screaming "Thank fucking god!" in my head.

I don't think woman really understand how nerve wracking for men it is to always have to make the first move and take the lead all the time it's beyond exhausting! Men especially shy and nervous ones are honestly scared on dates especially if they have had bad luck with woman and their ego and confidence in being a partner has been destroyed.

In our minds during every date, we're screaming completely paranoid about doing something wrong and fucking up a good thing and ruining the date and looking like a jerk or an idiot. I've sent heart emojis in vague context to test the waters so I could play it off as a friendship heart or something if they didn't reciprocate.

[Asker]

It's a little complicated. He knows I have feelings for him. Well I do downplay it a bit. To not scare him off. I have told him how great he is but he says he isn't. He's only had 2 girlfriends. He is quite shy and insecure. I don't know how I can make it any clearer I want him and accept him. Sometimes I get frustrated and I blow up with my emotions. We are kind of opposites that way. I'm overly emotional. He says he likes it. He has sent me bigger gif love hearts when he thinks he has upset me. But at the time I wasn't very receptive to notice how big a gesture that was. And he retreated quite a bit afterwards. So it's hard. I'm taking baby steps here. And learning his language. How he expresses care compared to me who is much more vocal and direct.

[Cormac995]

Ok I'm connecting with this story, so I wanted to give a proper and thorough response because I'm a hopeless romantic and from how sweet your story about this is I'm actively rooting for you two and hope everything works out great. Now heads up this is going to be a massive multi message wall of text.

Often times when a younger guy tries dating an older woman, he's doing it specifically because selecting an older age was on purpose. A lot of guys have given up dating woman from their own generation. In my experience the majority of men and woman are complete assholes from my generation. When A guy dates an older woman there is a very high chance it's because she's more mature than him and they think an older woman will be bolder and more direct. The more you tell me about this guy the more I stand by what I said. You have to bridge the gap and take the lead because he's scared.

The more you say the more it's obvious he's fallen in love with you and frankly from where I'm standing it's sounds like he's dumbstruck and smitten with you. Right now, he's petrified and afraid because his lack of experience and insecurity are making him scared because he's worried if he fucks up, he'll lose you and break his heart.

You have to remember people with severe anxiety issues, and such like him have basically had their confidence and sense of worth destroyed slowly over time in most cases. I imagine he has had a SIMILAR experience to me in the dating world if he's only had 3 girlfriends and actually, he's doing better than me and I'm 29. I'll add some of my own experiences attempting to date to give you a rough Idea, of how difficult it can be for men to date.

[Cormac995]

First, we can handle rejection and if a woman doesn't care you can't make her care simple as, but the thing that made me and many others give up was how nasty the girls were so damn often. It's really hard, stressful and scary asking someone out at all and getting shot down hurts but when they make fun of you for it, you feel worthless and if it happens enough times you're constantly going to feel like you're not good enough if you do find a relationship because 90% of the girls you tried to approach said you weren't good enough for them and by the time someone comes along willing to give them a chance their confidence and self-worth around woman is basically gone because every time they've been rejected it comes with this undertone feeling of "You're a lesser man and not good enough to be loved."

I've been, stood up, laughed at, ignored, been told "Eww." to my face. I've been completely shrugged off, and I found out later in life the high school the girl I had my first kiss on the lips with was actually gay and raping her female "friend" while we we're kinda ish together. Needless to say, when I think about letting her kiss me and that she had my first kiss it turns my stomach.

[Cormac995]

I've also been used as an emotional dumping ground only for her to end up dating one of my best friends after months of stringing me along and being up until 3AM multiple times a week listening to her cry and giving her, love, attention, sympathy. I listened to everything she said and gave the best advice I could, but she didn't care, she just wanted to vent and feel better and once she was done, she didn't need me anymore.

I was bent out of shape for months, my friend actually approached me and said sorry dude I know you love her but I'm taking my shot, so his apology basically meant nothing because even if I told him it made me unhappy he would have done it regardless and basically said tough. In a way I'm actually kind of proud I was able to do this even though it ended badly because when me and him had that conversation I was heartbroken, but I lied and told him it was perfectly fine because I knew she liked him, and I just wanted her to be happy.

The closest thing I've had to a real date I found out was given out of pity. I was over the moon because a girl was paying attention to me for the first time in years and it went really well or at least I thought it did. I made us a picknick basket and we talked for I think an hour or two in the park. She smiled

[Cormac995]

several times if I remember right, she laughed once or twice and as a result I thought I was doing great and was excited, so I asked her out again. I even brought fresh flowers from my family's garden.

That was when she told me that she wasn't looking for a relationship and she said yes to the first date because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Worse this happened in public, and people saw her tell me this because I asked her out a second time at the local game store we hung out at. I looked so stupid pathetic. I still remember the store owner looking at me like "You poor bastard."

Out of desperation I tried dating apps, and it was a hellish nightmare! Everyone just wants sex, sex, sex, nobody want's something long term and those that do already have someone better or can do better than most guys because the ratio of men to woman looking to date is screwed at 3-5 men per 1 woman.

[Cormac995]

This is just a small fraction of my life experience trying to date as someone with severe anxiety and mental issues. Now if this is my experience how do you think his probably was with such low success dating? He might have had it better than me, he might have had it far worse but every single guy who is single and struggling really hard to date has a minimum of several stories like or similar to this.

How do you think he feels being in love with you and wanting to go further in the relationship but those kinds of things or similar are his only real experiences in dating he has likely had with only 3 girlfriends. You need to take the lead until he becomes convinced, he's good enough for you and gets some of his self-worth back.

Honestly if I were in his position, I'd probably be thinking to myself "I should break up with her because she can do a lot better than me and she's wasting her time because she deserves it."

If he's having that line of thought, he might never make a move BECAUSE he loves you and thinks you can't be happy if you "Settle" for him in his mind. I don't think woman really understand how much this really effects men. Most guys sooner or later are going to get shot down by at least one girl they really, really liked a lot and probably hid and cried for a while I know I did a couple times.

[Cormac995]

Often times when a younger guy tries dating an older woman, he's doing it specifically because selecting an older age was on purpose. A lot of guys have given up dating woman from their own generation. In my experience the majority of men and woman are complete assholes from my generation. When A guy dates an older woman there is a very high chance it's because she's more mature than him and they think an older woman will be bolder and more direct. The more you tell me about this guy the more I stand by what I said. You have to bridge the gap and take the lead because he's scared.

The more you say the more it's obvious he's fallen in love with you and frankly from where I'm standing it's sounds like he's dumbstruck and smitten with you. Right now, he's petrified and afraid because his lack of experience and insecurity are making him scared because he's worried if he fucks up, he'll lose you and break his heart.

You have to remember people with severe anxiety issues, and such like him have basically had their confidence and sense of worth destroyed slowly over time in most cases. I imagine he has had a SIMILAR experience to me in the dating world if he's only had 3 girlfriends and actually, he's doing better than me and I'm 29. I'll add some of my own experiences attempting to date to give you a rough Idea, of how difficult it can be for men to date.

[Cormac995]

First, we can handle rejection and if a woman doesn't care you can't make her care simple as, but the thing that made me and many others give up was how nasty the girls were so damn often. It's really hard, stressful and scary asking someone out at all and getting shot down hurts. It gets worse when they make fun of you for it.

you feel worthless and if it happens enough times you're constantly going to feel like you're not good enough if you do find a relationship because 90% of the girls you tried to approach said you weren't good enough for them and by the time someone comes along willing to give them a chance their confidence and self-worth around woman is basically gone because every time they've been rejected it comes with this undertone feeling of "You're a lesser man and not good enough to be loved."

I've been, stood up, laughed at, ignored, been told "Eww." to my face. I've been completely shrugged off, and I found out later in life the high school the girl I had my first kiss on the lips with was actually gay and raping her female "friend" while we we're kinda ish together. Needless to say, when I think about letting her kiss me and that she had my first kiss it turns my stomach.

[Cormac995]

I've also been used as an emotional dumping ground only for her to end up dating one of my best friends after months of stringing me along and being up until 3AM multiple times a week listening to her cry and giving her, love, attention, sympathy. I listened to everything she said and gave the best advice I could, but she didn't care, she just wanted to vent and feel better to someone and once she was done, she didn't need me anymore. I was bent out of shape for months, my friend actually approached me and said sorry dude I know you love her but I'm taking my shot, so his apology basically meant nothing because even if I told him it made me unhappy he would have done it regardless and basically said tough. In a way I'm actually kind of proud I was able to do this even though it ended badly because when me and him had that conversation I was heartbroken, but I lied and told him it was perfectly fine because I knew she liked him, and I just wanted her to be happy.

The closest thing I've had to a real date I found out was given out of pity. I was over the moon because a girl was paying attention to me for the first time in years and it went really well or at least I thought it did. I made us a picknick basket and we talked for I think an hour or two in the park. She smiled several times if I remember right, she laughed once or twice and as a result I thought I was doing great and was excited, so I asked her out again. I even brought fresh flowers from my family's garden.

[Cormac995]

That was when she told me that she wasn't looking for a relationship and she said yes to the first date because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Worse this happened in public, and people saw her tell me this because I asked her out a second time at the local game store we hung out at. I looked so stupid pathetic. I still remember the store owner looking at me like "You poor bastard."

Out of desperation I tried dating apps, and it was a hellish nightmare! Everyone just wants sex, sex, sex, nobody want's something long term and those that do already have someone better or can do better than most guys because the ratio of men to woman looking to date is screwed at 3-5 men per 1 woman.

This is just a small fraction of my life experience trying to date as someone with severe anxiety and mental issues. Now if this is my experience how do you think his probably was with such low success dating? He might have had it better than me, he might have had it far worse but every single guy who is single and struggling really hard to date has a minimum of several stories like or similar to this. Often times when a younger guy tries dating an older woman, he's doing it specifically because selecting an older age was on purpose. A lot of guys have given up dating woman from their own generation. In my experience the majority of men and woman are complete assholes from my generation.

[Cormac995]

That was when she told me that she wasn't looking for a relationship and she said yes to the first date because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Worse this happened in public, and people saw her tell me this because I asked her out a second time at the local game store we hung out at. I looked so stupid pathetic. I still remember the store owner looking at me like "You poor bastard."

Out of desperation I tried dating apps, and it was a hellish nightmare! Everyone just wants sex, sex, sex, nobody want's something long term and those that do already have someone better or can do better than most guys because the ratio of men to woman looking to date is screwed at 3-5 men per 1 woman. This is a shitty environment to build any kind of confidence.

This is just a small fraction of my life experience trying to date as someone with severe anxiety and mental issues. Now if this is my experience how do you think his probably was with such low success dating? He might have had it better than me, he might have had it far worse but every single guy who is single and struggling really hard to date has a minimum of several stories like or similar to this.

Try to imagine how he feels being in love with you and wanting to go further in the relationship but those kinds of things or similar are likely his only real experiences in dating? It's likely only with only 3 girlfriends he got shot down a lot and I bet at least some of them were rude and hurtful.

[Cormac995]

You need to take the lead until he becomes convinced, he's good enough for you and gets some of his self-worth back. Even if his life experience in dating is a fraction of what I've been through with these kinds of examples I've presented does it at least make potential sense as to maybe why he's acting that way and so scared to make a larger move?

Honestly if I were in his position, I'd probably be thinking to myself "I should break up with her because she can do a lot better than me and she's wasting her time on me." If he's having that line of thought, he might never make a move BECAUSE he loves you and thinks you can't be happy if you "Settle" for him in his mind.

I don't think woman really understand how much this really effects men. Most guys sooner or later are going to get shot down by at least one girl they really, really liked a lot and probably hid and cried for a while I know I did a couple times because when men cry in public they get weird and pity filled looks.

[Cormac995]

This is why I'm saying you should be more direct and take the lead in the relationship at least for now. Frankly I bet he will be beyond thrilled and very relived. It would probably undo weeks' worth of stress for him. You need to take the lead until he becomes convinced, he's good enough for you and gets some of his self-worth back.

Honestly if I were in his position, I'd probably be thinking to myself "I should break up with her because she can do a lot better than me and she's wasting her time because she deserves someone more valuable than me." There's a fair chance he feels similar like he's holding you back and he's a burden in your life

I don't think woman really understand how much this stuff really effects men and they think a lot of those “Men don't have feelings” memes online are actually real. Most guys sooner or later are going to get shot down by at least one girl they really, really liked and when that happens lot guys probably hide and cry for a while I know I did a couple times.

[Cormac995]

Even if his life experience in dating is a fraction of what I've been through with these kinds of examples I've presented does it at least make potential sense as to why he might be acting like this? This is why I'm saying you should be more direct and the lead in the relationship at least for now.

Frankly I bet he will be beyond thrilled and very relived. It would probably undo weeks' worth of stress for him. Does it make sense now why I'm encouraging you to take the lead? You should be more direct and take the lead in the relationship at least for now. Also encourage him to ask what you what you want and also asks what he want's.

If you tell him about things that make you happy it will make it a lot easier for him to come up with dates that will be fun and as a result if they go well it will boost his confidence in the relationship and make him feel like he's making you happy.

[Cormac995]

Jesus Christ I'm finally done writing that. This took 2 hours you two better end up being life partners or getting married or I'm going to be pissed I spent this long doing this.

[Asker]

Awww haha. Well it is complicated with obstacles. He's told me if these clear he is 100% all mine.
He's suffered depression and self harm in his past as have I. I feel I see inside him and understand him. I want to heal him and take care of him. But.. I have children already and he doesn't. I have held back because I don't want to tie him to me and he doesn't get to have a younger woman who can give him lots of children. I don't think I want another child. Tho I might be tempted for him. But although we knew eachother in person for 3 months he was very afraid to open up to me. I started having feelings and feeling he had feelings but when I asked he wouldn't give me a clear answer. I felt I was going mad! Feeling it but him not confirming if it was just in my head. We broke up for a few months. But then reconnected. But now he's far away and we can't be together. So online we have grown so much closer and he started sending me love hearts. He says I'm gorgeous and amazing. He says he wants to be with me. But then at last minute can't. He's afraid to change his career, his life. He's afraid of taking the risk. Sometimes he withdrawal. Maybe like you said. He decides it won't work and we can't be together and he acts cold. And i try to just be his froend. But it doesn't last. He told me to find someone else and not wait for him and I did date someone else. He said I made him sad! I was confused.

[Cormac995]

PLEASE READ BEFORE TEXT WALL!! Ok sorry but god damnit I just realized I made several posting mistakes and re posted the same sections a couple of times god damnit I hate these tiny fucking chat boxes! I had to go into Microsoft word to fit it all on so I was copy and pasting pieces of it at a time sorry. When you hit a text box that's a repeat just ignore it and skip to the next one if you see this part

[Asker]

So yes I know you say be forward and lead but I feel he's the one who is holding back with fear and uncertainty. It has to come from him as if I push he gets more scared. But I'm being patient. I can't wait forever. But I'll be his friend at least. I can't let him go. We've come so far. And when we was together, it was new and he was amazing. He didn't believe he was. And he made excuses not to sleep with me but wanted to talk everyday. That's how my feelings for him grew. Because of how much attention he gave me. Even if he didn't express himself well in words. Today I was sad and he noticed straight away. He always notices my moods. And straight away he was checking on me asking if i was OK. I haven't had love hearts again since that night. He's busy over Christmas with family. But he's still talking every day when he can. I hope your added prayers for us work!!

[Cormac995]

I also just realized there was another section I didn't send on accident FML. XD Also I read all your replies, and I see to an extent where your coming from. The problem is if he's not convinced, he's right for you and he thinks he won't make you happy and you can do better he's going to feel obligated to let you go because he wants the best for you that's almost 100% why he told you to move on from him but he got back together with you because in truth he probably was still in love with you during the conversation where you broke up.

The more context I get the more I'm 100% sure this is a self-worth and confidence issue. If he doesn't get his confidence boosted back up and you can't convince him he's good enough for you and makes you happy he will leave thinking it's for your own good. If you don't take the lead the bare minimum, is you need to get together IN PERSON NOT PHONE NOT Skype NOT TEXT!!!

Tell him everything you told me to his face you guys need to have a long and deep conversation about your dynamic if you want the relationship to keep growing. With the examples I gave and the high probability of him having the same experience (In fact now that you mentioned depression is a factor, I'm even more sure about this.) Does it at least make sense now why he's a nervous wreck around you?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"So... where to me it might be love, he may just mean strong care/affection?"

Wellllllllllllll

Strong care/affection is love. Wishing for an equal measure of something as unmeasurable and subjective as love may not be a good idea...

[Asker]

Ok... I can accept that. If it's a good sign it's a good sign right x

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Considering your description of him, you're talking about an evolution in him opening up, it probably looks slow to you if you're expecting a faster pace but yes, it's a good sign, in all cases :)

[Summeroflove]

Ask him directly what he means by it. Communicate…. I can give possibilities but I can’t read his mind.

[Asker]

He struggles to open up. If he can't say it in words and uses emojis then asking him is going to make him uncomfortable, maybe scare him off from using them, or he'll downplay it and I'll feel stupid asking...

[Summeroflove]

Well you need to communicate… It’s going to be a lot worse and cause more misunderstandings if you don’t.

Just ask

[Cormac995]

Often times when a younger guy tries dating an older woman, he's doing it specifically because selecting an older age was on purpose. A lot of guys have given up dating woman from their own generation. In my experience the majority of men and woman are complete assholes from my generation. When A guy dates an older woman there is a very high chance it's because she's more mature than him and they think an older woman will be bolder and more direct. The more you tell me about this guy the more I stand by what I said. You have to bridge the gap and take the lead because he's scared.

The more you say the more it's obvious he's fallen in love with you and frankly from where I'm standing it's sounds like he's dumbstruck and smitten with you. Right now, he's petrified and afraid because his lack of experience and insecurity are making him scared because he's worried if he fucks up, he'll lose you and break his heart.

You have to remember people with severe anxiety issues, and such like him have basically had their confidence and sense of worth destroyed slowly over time in most cases. I imagine he has had a SIMILAR experience to me in the dating world if he's only had 3 girlfriends and actually, he's doing better than me and I'm 29. I'll add some of my own experiences attempting to date to give you a rough Idea, of how difficult it can be for men to date.

[DrPepper12]

Umm... Exactly that?

[Asker]

But women probably attach more feeling than men right? So... where to me it might be love, he may just mean strong care/affection? I don't want to get carried away reading too much into it.

[DrPepper12]

Ask him. You won't scare him off but will create an opportunity for a deeper relationship.

[Asker]

Hmm. He does scare off easy lol... he says he's not good with emotion stuff

[DrPepper12]

He just needs the right woman - you!

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆