Should the man decide everything on a date?

[KITEinStorm]

On a first date or subsequent dates;

WHO?

-choose the meeting place

-choose the meal, pay the bill

- should choose the movie

-etc. please write

[MillieBee1993]

No?
We BOTH set time from our individual lives to connect and share time together.
We BOTH can dictate a meeting place, and I have never expected anyone to pay the bill on a first date. I answered this on another question, but I expect to cover my own meal, absolutely.
I am meeting a total stranger, BOTH of us planned time aside to meet, BOTH of us are interested in meeting, so BOTH contributing to the bill is no issue for me.

As for choosing the movie, meal, etc. It's a discussion that should be have well beforehand, in case of dietary preferences / allergies, we want to pick a place TOGETHER that we BOTH like, so we can both enjoy our time, and have the comfort of knowing they have options for food each of us will enjoy.

Movie-same thing! Prior discussion. I'm a huge horror fan, and if my date is not into horror, I'll compromise and see some other type of movie that they also want to see. Maybe a cool action movie like Godzilla V Kong, or the new Transformers? I'm just there enjoying the time with them, so the movie isn't truly what is important.

[KITEinStorm]

Am I right? You do not like to be directed and managed; you are one of those who like to show their existence as an individual.

[MillieBee1993]

Depending on context of course, but yes - I prefer to be responsible for myself, and take care of my bills, tickets, etc on dates.
Primarily out of respect for the guy too. The last guy I went on a date with worked construction, he was just getting into the trades work and only brought in maybe 20$/hour. He only worked part time, and had a kid at home, an apartment, a used beat up vehicle that costed insurance due to an accident years prior.
I would NEVER expect to be catered to, have anyone pay for me for everything. He and I agreed to walk around the fair and enjoy watching fireworks on our first date. It was not expensive, free, and something we BOTH enjoyed, so we met up (he brought a blanket for me to sit on so I wouldn't get my dress dirty) and we layed in the grass outside of the fair, watching fireworks. I bought us some tickets, and invited him to ride the scrambler and ferris wheel with me, and he spent 20$ on popcorn, and slushies. NO WAY i'd ever expect him to take me to a fancy 4-star restaurant and cover my meal, spent money on gas to drive me around, spend HIS hard earned money on me, when its HIS money! He needs to spend it on his individual life and responsibilities, like his kid, his home, bills, etc.

It was one of the BEST dates I have ever had. It was fun, light hearted, he was incredibly sweet and the time together, connecting, is what matters most to me. :) I dated him for 1.5 years, until a custody issue came up, and he had to move provinces. He's remained a good friend, has a wife now and another kid.

I never expect anyone to manage my spending, except me! Thats why I work. Why should some random guy pay for everything I want, including first date meal, when I can contribute to the date we BOTH planned, you'nkow?

[KITEinStorm]

I appreciate you. Thank you for your explanations.
What is the influence of the family on this way of behaving and thinking?

[Beckybooboo]

He should at least get my opinion. "Do you like Mexican food"? "Do you like Chinese food"? I've never had an issue with who's paying (for dinner), they've always said, "it's my treat" but I've always offered to pay for popcorn and treats during a movie or drinks when I was old enough to drink... It's tough! I don't wanna insult him by offering to pay for my dinner, as in, I don't think he can afford it but yet, I don't want him to think I just want a "free dinner"! That's why I offer to pay for other things to show my appreciation.

[KITEinStorm]

Actually, that approach is good, too. Maybe movie tickets, taxi pay. or second date paying dinner.. 👍

[DishLady]

No, it's nicer when the guy asks (but also has a few suggestions in case the gal has no preference). I mean, the main thing the guy had to decide is to ASK YOU ON THE DATE... so the rest can be a bit of mix and match.

[AnonAndrew]

I think it's highly dependent on the two. While many men like to take the lead, and many women like to go with the flow as long as he's not coming up with stuff that's too far out, in today's age there are lots of exceptions.

Sometimes you can tell from the girl's personality what she prefers, but when you can't, my standard thing to do is to come up with suggestions for everything and present them to her. If she's game, then we're good. If she says no (or says yes in a way that you can tell she doesn't really want to but is just trying to be nice or not to rock the boat), then you can adjust.

That usually works out well for me.

[KITEinStorm]

Your approach is nice.

[AnonAndrew]

@kiteinstorm
Thank you! :)

[Valdemort]

Some women like it that way, for sure, but not everyone does - obviously.

if it's the first date, you could be kinda dominant and approach it like that, I'd say. Just make sure she is available at the time.
You'll notice soon enough if the other party is receptive of it or not, I think.

[KITEinStorm]

It's a little difficult to get to know the other party for the first date.

[Valdemort]

For sure. That's why I'd suggest you be bold for the first date and just plan it as you envisioned. You'll probably realise soon enough if they agree.

[Zack-Bann]

I think we should be proactive but not imposing.


It’s better to show up with options and let her chose A or B
Rather than having her make all the choices or just saying it’s non negotiable.


(To be fair my toxic ex hated that I didn’t lead her around like a puppy on a leash. She had all kinds of dependency issues)

[KITEinStorm]

It makes sense to offer options, but wouldn't they get bored if they were constantly asked A or B at every meeting?

[Zack-Bann]

Yes of course it shouldn’t be a systematic thing.
You can still make decisions when it makes sense

But for instance when choosing a date I find that saying “im free Friday or sunday” works better than saying “lets do Friday” because maybe she’s truly busy and then no date happens

But asking when she’s free means she has to organize her schedule so she might say “I don’t know Im busy all week”

But assuming you’re only available on one day yourself then you say it like is or just postpone

This stuff needs to be natural not hyper organized

[KITEinStorm]

thanks, It became more understandable for me.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the date. Personally I like women with a mind and an opinion. But some women would rather you try to read her mind and judge you for it when you get it wrong.😆

[KITEinStorm]

So, how are you at reading her mind? :=)

[Opinion Owner]

Terrible.😆