Why would a coworker be stern or cold with you after you said you liked him?

[Anonymous]

To the point of saying hello and just getting a look, but no smile or anything,

How can you work with someone like this going forward?

[DishLady]

1. bc it was unprofessional and he's trying to get you to stay away from him (instead of just calling HR on you to report sexual harassment).

2. bc he doesn't like you.

3. bc he considers your approach as being creepy.

(There's more, but you get the general idea.)

[Asker]

Even if he was the one to initial flirting before I did anything.

[Anonymous]

Because he doesn’t wanna shit where he eats and lose the job that keeps the roof over his head
So do him a favor and don’t make it into a big thing
Because HR would fire him without cause even though you’re the one who fell for him not the other way around
It’s just the way it is with companies.


I had the same situation where this coworker girl kept getting close to me and I let her since we’re both single but then we made out that one time and I realized that my future was at risk


Because I like her but Im not Mr perfect if I tank the relationship I could lose my job
And a relationship with a gun to your head is not a sincere one


So I distanced myself from her


We still flirt because neither of us can help it the chemistry is far too strong but I don’t want to lead her on at all

[Asker]

Thanks for your input, it’s good to hear from someone in similar situation. Yes I get the job is a tricky scenario. I guess I just find it tricky working together now, he is very short and blunt? I get he doesn’t want to govern me the wrong impression. He is friendlier to other girls and that’s fine. I guess it’s just acting like you don’t exist I have a problem with.

[Asker]

When he did show signs of liking me initially.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that’s definitely a mistake on his end, singling you out as someone he’s cold towards

But I would say give it a little while until the whole romance becomes old News and he’ll go back go being nice to you

Or not. But either way you shouldn’t care unless it’s affecting your work

In which case maybe it’s worth mentioning

[Asker]

Ok great thank you

[Shiprex]

He's conscious of your interest and does not want to give off any sense that they are reciprocated. He is being cruel to be kind.

[Asker]

Thank you, the weird thing is he was the one who initially flirted and showed interest, so I thought he’d want to know I liked him. Then I found out he was married, so I understand that, just the coldness I guess and making it difficult to work together

[Shiprex]

Flirting is for men a way of showing appreciation and not always about seeking anything further. It's probably what may have made him step back and be removed from you now that it has been reciprocated (most men don't expect that so find cheeky, suggestive chat a way to break down barriers with women because we know you seldom share similar interests to men or see the world in a similar way to us) and that perhaps was a warning sign that he doesn't want to create something that wasn't meant to blossom.

[Asker]

Yes ok that makes sense, but how do you move forward knowing you have to work together? I don’t know him to think I still like him, when I technically can get over him quite easily.

[Shiprex]

I would take hime to one side and say you realise that it may have been something between you that made him uncomfortable and that is unfortunate for you both but that you don't want it to taint a professional relationship.
I would warn you though that THIS might actually tingle HIS spidy sense about you and how charming and desirous you may become as a woman who can maturely express yourself openly but that you know the situation and won't overstep boundaries again.
He may take this well or not though.

[Asker]

Ok great I will try that then, thank you

[Shiprex]

Good luck you're welcome

[Nikki1989]

It's possible he simply doesn't feel a romantic connection with you. Move on.

[Asker]

Thanks, yes that’s fair enough. I meant in general when working together. It’s difficult when he doesn’t collaborate.

[msg321]

He doesn't have a problem with you personally but he also doesn't want to be in a relationship with you so he doesn't want to give you hope. It is for your own good. He wants to save you from a heartbreak 💔

[Asker]

Thanks, yes makes sense and I’m fine with that, I meant more when together working, he now seems difficult to work with.

[msg321]

Then that is his fault because he must be a professional and he should collaborate when it is necessary at work

[Asker]

Yeah just makes it really tricky, thanks

[Asker]

Do you form a guys point of view why he’d be totally avoidant? I mean he really doesn’t need to worry about hurting my feelings etc.

[msg321]

maybe he doesn't care about hurting your feelings because if he cared about that he could tell you "thanks but I don't feel anything romantic to you. I see you as a good friend" and then he could continue treating you like you are one of his friends. He doesn't need to be cold necessarily for this maybe he doesn't
like it when you tell him 'I like you' that made him angry and he is acting like that because of his anger but if that is true he is completely wrong because surely he doesn't have to feel anything romantic but you have right to express your emotions. He doesn't have any right to blame you for this.

[Asker]

Yes that’s what I’m thinking too, he doesn’t care otherwise I reckon he would have said.

I do also wonder if he’s angry, but why would you be angry because someone likes you? I get he’s married and maybe felt that was threatened, but then I think I don’t know and also maybe he shouldn’t have flirted.

[msg321]

Is he married? and did you know he is married before you tell 'I like you'?

[Asker]

I don’t know when I got him no. I found out afterwards that he is married.

[msg321]

Hmm ok maybe he was not flirting. Maybe he was just being friendly and you misinterpreted it and that made him angry but even if it is true. He isn't right. Maybe he is immature. Immature people may behave like this. What about asking him? You can say "why do you act like this. I just expressed my feeling. I didn't know you are married. I respect if you don't love me but I still want our friendship continue e. t. c." honesty is always good.

[Asker]

Ok thank you, yes I will try that and see what he says thanks.

[msg321]

You're welcome, May you inform me about how he replied you, please? I wondered 😊

[Asker]

Yes sure will do.

[msg321]

Thanks 😊