Can Dating Someone Who Is Super Busy Actually Work?

[Bob92220]

I'm dating a woman I met on a dating site. She is a mother of two daughters, both of whom live at home, and works a demanding and stressful full-time job as a nurse. We've only had several dates, but she always seems preoccupied with her thoughts, which is understandable. And her time is limited.

I don't have any children and work a full-time job, but I love what I do, so work is fun and not stressful. And I have a lot of free time.

Can such a relationship work when the other person has a lot of responsibilities and priorities and feels stressed?

[Anonymous]

First you must recognize if dating a super busy person is worth it to you and recognize and understand that because of the nature of their jobs/life schedule, they may never show up for your award ceremony, or be able to grab a quick lunch or you may be like two ships passing in the night with conflicting day vs. night work schedules. If they let you know all of this up front, in that relationship, blaming them for this and how you feel as a result will lie on your shoulders, because you have the choice to stay or go and neither of you should feel guilty about feeling the way you do.

My mom was in a temporary long distance relationship with my dad because he had to move out of state to work on a difficult project. Because of time difference, and distance, they barely got to speak or he was often super exhausted from long 10 hour days....but when you really love someone and you both desire to make things work, you do what you have to, to find spare moments to spend together, to text, to talk on the phone, or in your free time, you go to them as opposed to you always wishing they'd come to you.

[Investigator]

You're asking two different questions here, without knowing it. The question you're asking is, "Can a relationship with an imbalance, such as this one, work for both parties?", but what you're trying to ask is, "Is it possible for this relationship to be as stressful as it is, given her mental and physical load, AND for me to get my needs met?" The question to the former is "yes" for the right people, but the fact that you claim "she always seems preoccupied with her thoughts", as a pretext to ask if this relationship makes sense, means the answer is "no". You're implicitly saying, "I know she has all of this stuff to do and I get that it is draining, but what about me?"

Well, based on what you've laid out, here are the facts: she's a single mother of two, with a full-time job, and you are a single, childless man (presumably, though feel free to correct me), so already you're working from a position of incompatibility. You even say "I have a lot of free time", so even you understand that what you have and what you want are mutually-exclusive. "Knowing" and "doing" are two different things, so you simply just need to face reality and accept things, as they are--much as that might hurt. If her schedule is so vastly dissimilar to yours, that you question when it's "your turn" to be the most important thing on her mind, then the answer is "never". You don't get to just walk into someone's life and start imposing demands on them, because you feel unwanted and need attention from someone.

Either you step up and lighten her burden, so that you can be important (since you allegedly have a much lighter workload), or you walk away. Those are the options.

[HawkPerception]

I'd say it depends on how much time you want to spend with the person and how much alone or "me" time you want. Relationships have infinite dynamics. It really depends on what you're okay with. By the way that you're describing it, you desire more out of your partner and would prefer to be with someone that you can spend a lot of your leisure time with, understandably so. So don't settle for less than that. You guys might have some chemistry but if you can't see each other often enough, that's a justifiable reason to move on.

[Vevv123]

If they are the right person, absolutely. In your situation, it's up to you. She is a mother, so it's only natural to be preoccupied and that's good that you understand. Just her job alone as a nurse requires long hours. It can work, but you should take your time to get to know her more and understand that this would be part of your lifestyle too if things ever get serious.

[Summeroflove]

Depends on the couple the needs as well as wants of both people. Take it slow. Be careful and be genuinely loving if you don’t think you can do it. Not only for your own sake but for her as well let her find someone who can and find someone right for you as well.

[DishLady]

Seems like you’re going to end up wanting to travel and do things that aren’t in her purview bc she’s busy and “tied” to her family and job.

[Finchie40]

Only if you are willing to make it work and you really like this girl

[Miristheiss]

Men dating busy women? No.

Women dating busy men, in many cases, yes.

Men are providers. Men do not care about a woman's job. Going to work. If she is too busy to have time for him... pass. She isn't the one. Simps go for stuff like that. Simps will take anyone who gives them the time of day. If her job is her priority and she never has time for the relationship most men with high standards and who are looking for a soft, feminine woman to come along side him and to be a sweet, loving, loyal compliment to his life, don't want some hectic, career oriented, masculine woman who never has time for him. Men want women, not men that look like women.

Women like men with a purpose. Women like driven men, men with status, men others look up to and who have ambition, men they can not manipulate and distract from his purpose. Unless it is over the top and he never has time for her she'll like a driven man.

[molonski2]

Honestly it's going to be extremely difficult , although I'm sure she is a great person she simply has little time , we all create our own situations either consciously or unconsciously , and frankly stress is a massive killer and should be avoided at all costs.
This situation , it's going to be difficult for you.

[Zack-Bann]

I would say why bother


It’s not your circus not your clowns


You’re walking into a complicated situation and you’ll eventually be tiered of it and resent her for putting you there


I get that maybe you enjoy her company a lot


But cases of “right person wrong time” happen all the time especially on dating apps


It’s sad but ultimately for the best:
Find someone else
Preferably more available with less baggage

[Spencer10]

Well you have to determine if she is worth the effort right now. Peoples work life does change over time so right now maybe its Quality over quantity of time? As you get closer you two can discuss work life balance and see if you can meet in the middle. With your time off you can also help her with her home life obligations a bit too.

[Samuel75]

I think it can, but it depends on the individuals involved. Some persons can't chest all the "busy stuff" while on the other hand some might because of their personalities and understanding.
So if you can adapt her busy schedules it's fine and if you can't it's fine also. But check if love, commitment, loyalty, understanding and the rest are stable of it is then I think you can go about it. 😊

[CrazyKittyCatLady]

Yes. People don't need the other 24/7. If you are aware of what she does and how her life is, Can you handle that she is a busy person but if she makes time for you then that counts for something.

[RingOfFire]

I've had good relationships with women when we both had super busy schedules. Where there's a will there's a way, but you need to be able to prioritize the relationship. That's not easy when you are working 80 hour weeks.

[Anonymous]

no. there is only so many hours in a day... some of it needs to be for sleep too, so they can continue their busy work. you just can't give the same attention/affection/company when you're super busy

[Drumlin2001]

Can it work? Yes. But he has to be patient, and she has to prioritise the relationship if it's what she really wants

[GAGsucksballs89170]

My cousins wife, is an RN, and my cousin works graveyard. But, yes, they do find time for each other, it's just though. Like all tough things, you have to be willing to work at it.

[ProbablyClueless]

Yes. Relationships are a collaborative effort

[Anonymous]

Single mother and a nurse is bad voodoo. I mean it's possible, but most likely she's never going to have time for you and you won't be a priority. But if you want the crumbs...

[Jamie05rhs]

Probably not. If she doesn't care enough to give you her full attention when you're together, then I would just let her stay single, tbh.

[Anonymous]

If you are not addicted to too much attention, this relationship can work.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No one is too busy for a relationship.

[missindiana93]

No it won't work.