How to end a date that isn't going well?

[Kacik]

When you go on a date and you know quite soon that it isn't going well at all, how do you initiate the ending?

Also, if it isn't so bad, but you don't want another date, how do you refuse when they ask you during the meeting?

I don't want to ghost anyone but also don't want to spend a long time sitting there and conversing politely when I know it isn't working out.

[SteveSmith1985]

This is an excellent question! I don't understand why this is the first time I've seen it. I don't have anything for how to end a bad date mid-date in a non-rude way. Traditionally, you would set up a call or text from one of your friends partway through the date. The idea is to provide a plausible excuse for you to fane and emergency and leave abruptly. This is your best bet.

I think for refusing a second date the best bet is to be direct, clear and as nice about it as practical.

Something like "I did really enjoy getting to know you better. I just think we're not the right fit for each other." etc

Don't ghost anyone. There is no excuse for that. Be rude as hell over ghosting someone.

You don't leave mid-date unless its brutal (usually). If its just not great, he's likely feeling that way too.. he isn't likely to ask for a second date under these circumstances.

[RavVid]

OK. I think it depends on the circumstances. If the guy has made some effort and is spending a fair amount of money on a dinner than it would be mean to terminate immediately you have scoffed down desert.

And really you might not feel much interest but it is not so hard to make conversation.

Otherwise I'd say to terminate as early as possible but in an agreeable manner. We can all invoke work assignments. We pretty much know what that means but it saves face.

If it is a cold date in that you haven't met face to face before than it really does make sense to have a predate coffee to test the rapport out.

[Kacik]

I usually go Dutch when on a first date and it's mostly just coffee, a walk or similar inexpensive thing. But I understand your point, thank you for sharing

[RavVid]

Well in that case it is just a matter of politely terminating and needing to leave for something else you have scheduled.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Never had this happen to me so I don't have experience using the technique, but I think I would just be upfront and just decline a second date explaining that I just wasn't into it and thank them for their time.

They probably won't like it, but it's not something you can really do without hurting someone's feelings. Beyond that, it's just ghosting which you've said you don't want to do.

[Simslover92]

That's honestly my fear on this upcoming date I have. I would like to know the answer to this question as well.

[BarryLiverstone]

Are you not attracted to the person you will be seeing on the date?

[Kacik]

@BarryLiverstone it might be a blind date

[Simslover92]

Yes he seems quite attractive from his profile but I have never met him in person.

[BarryLiverstone]

See? This is why I’d label it a first meeting. Profile pics can be not true to how someone shows up in the moment. Plus my guess is he also would like to see you irl of he’s just seen your pic

[Simslover92]

That's very true. I fear that the chemistry won't be there. I think his pics are him and the pics of me are for sure me. There doesn't seem to be no filters. But guys don't really do that much anyways. So it's just I'm fearing the spark won't be there and it'll be a few hours of boredom.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right. Like I said in my answer no need to meet for hours. If it’s been half an hour and you are not feeling good then he’s an adult and you can just let him know. Better to plan for a shorter meeting (or date) and then if you do feel chemistry can extend it

[BarryLiverstone]

Also the spark could come later on. After you meet it may pop up and then you can go out again. Good luck

[Simslover92]

Thanks. That's very true.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome

[Anonymous]

I know a woman in the past told me, "I'm taking care of a friend's pet so I may have to leave early". I knew from the outset that it was a complete b. s. she just wanted to leave herself an escape door in case the date went badly. I didn't take offense. She didn't know me from Adam. And apparently it went to her satisfaction because we talked for like 2 hrs.

I guess what I'm saying make an excuse like this. The guy will know you're full of 💩. But if he's decent guy he'll understand your apprehensiveness and not call you on it. And if he does, we'll you just learned a lot about what type of guy his is.

[BarryLiverstone]

I try to be considerate and kind to them, while not leading them on. Knowing they would have invested time to prepare for the date and made free time in their schedule I will stay connected to them and try to be in the moment. However once the date ends I’ll try to kindly communicate it was nice meeting them but honestly I didn’t feel a spark

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s reasonable to not want to spend a long time conversing. You can often go by their body language and see how comfortable they appear to be and can be generous with your time as you did commit to the date originally

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll also add I have friends who are on dating apps and talk about meeting someone for the first time as a “first date”. I don’t believe that’s a date. You can get together for a first meeting if you met online. But to me a first date occurs with someone you have seen irl and felt an attraction to.

Just throwing that out there in case you are asking about the first time you meet irl vs asking about a date

[Kacik]

That's actually a good observation, but I believe most people consider first meeting irl as a first date. By your definition - meeting for the first time irl is more precise

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks. Yes I know many still label it as a date. I’ve just learned as a meeting it shouldn’t be as long as a typical first date and that way both people can meet and get a sense of who the other person is without committing to 3 hours on a Saturday. Instead if the expectations are to meet for a coffee and see how things go then you can kinda avoid the situation you are asking about yk?

[Blunky]

Really depends on how bad it's going.

If it's bad enough that I find myself looking at the exit, I'll tell her that I don't think we'll work well together and that I'm the one with the issue, because I am. Lessens the blow a bit. I don't bother getting into specifics because it doesn't matter, I'm going with my gut feelings. If she keeps pushing, then I gotta be stern and let her know that we're not really at the level of being that personal with each other.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Tell the person you have killer diarrhea & have to go.

[Spencer10]

Honesty and directness is always the best way. Tear the bandaid off fast...

[itsannalee]

Just ask for breakup.