How vulnerable should I make myself in a situation where I really want this to work when it's geographically inconvenient?

[Anonymous]

I'm in NJ, she's just outside of DC in VA. Her schedule is pretty busy coming up, and she says it may be too much for her to go up to NJ on a weekend (she has friends not THAT far from me)... I'm not tied down where I am but it counts against me a lot when we can't just hang out whenever on some random evening or something, and I don't want her just to be like oh this isn't worth it, bye...

I don't want to be "Desperate" obviously... but I want to make it clear how interested I am too. And she just turned 39, so it's not like she's got all the time in the world to waste either if she hasn't found someone else yet. It is a super inconvenient/expensive thing for me to just come down there for a day for example, but I am willing to do it if it would make a difference. But as she just kind of choreographs her calendar to me with starting a new job in June, and having trips already set, and a bunch of weddings, etc... It really stacks the odds against me here, and that's not good. I need to get out ahead of this somehow.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a tricky situation you've got there with the long distance and her busy schedule. I can see why you're feeling frustrated and worried about it.

The distance thing is definitely a challenge, but it doesn't have to be a dealbreaker if you both really want this to work. You just gotta figure out a way to make it work for both of you.

In terms of how vulnerable you should be, I'd say be honest but don't go overboard. Let her know how much you're interested and that you're willing to put in the effort to make the distance work. But don't come on too strong or desperate - you don't want to scare her off.

Maybe suggest a weekend trip down to her area, but make it low-pressure. Like, "Hey, I'd love to come down and take you out for a nice dinner if you're free. No pressure if your schedule is crazy." That way you're showing you're interested, but not demanding all her time.

And in the meantime, try to keep up regular communication - a quick text or call every few days to let her know you're thinking of her. That way she knows you're invested, even if you can't see each other as often as you'd like.

The key is finding that balance between being vulnerable and open, but not coming on too strong. You want her to know how much you care, but also that you respect her space and schedule. If she sees that you're making an effort and are truly interested, that might help convince her it's worth trying to make it work.

Just don't give up, man. Long distance sucks, but if you both really want this, you can figure it out. Just take it one step at a time and don't be afraid to put yourself out there a little. Good luck, dude!

[Anonymous]

Meet someone local. Not hard!